A Woman is Giving Me Mixed Signals, Yay! HELP, PLEASE!

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The text in italic is backstory. It can be safely ignored if you want me to get to the point.

Some of you may remember me from about three years ago. I used to be a regular in this forum, until I experienced that wonderful thing called unrequited love (yes, this is sarcasm) and I stopped thinking about women for a while.

Long story short, I had a relapse a few months ago. Fell for the same girl, sent her a very huge and very blunt message, found out she had just started a relationship with another guy, wished I could stick my head in a hole or live in Siberia and then laughed about the whole thing. My love life is like something straight out of the earliest issues of The Amazing Spider-Man.

Anyway, that was enough for me to get rid of whatever feelings I had for that girl, which is great. But it made me realize that it is about time I tried to find a girlfriend. I believe I have matured quite a bit since my last attempts. I am ready for a relationship. And curious, too: supposedly, it is a very good thing that I should try out before I die of old age.

Well, I do not have many opportunities to meet women. My favorite hobbies are video games, hiking, camping and parkour. Of those, only the latter is something I do with other people, but most of them are men and the few women who practice parkour are usually girlfriends of those same men. I am not studying, and even then, I am not a normal guy. It is difficult for me to find women willing to overlook my eccentric behaviour, specially when the only good thing they see in me is my sense of humour and my intelligence, which, sadly, is not enough when you have no social skills and little emotional intelligence. Therefore, I have decided to try online dating.

The results were bad, but still a lot better than I expected. I found out that there are a lot of woman with the same interests as me. Some of them even consider me interesting enough to talk to. But my conversations always ended abruptly, with the women giving no more replies after an apparently entertaining conversation. One of them even agreed to go out with me, only to suddenly stop even looking at my messages.

Then, I found a girl who seems like a perfect match. She also likes Game of Thrones, hiking, camping, reading and she even wants to study biology, just like me. She also enjoys inline skating, which I have never tried, but I find very interesting. And she lives very close to me, in a neighbouring city.

At the end of our first conversation, we had already set a date to go watch a movie. We also talked about the possibility of going hiking in a neighbouring state next month, to climb the 4th tallest mountain in Brazil. We still kept in touch once or twice afterwards.

Two days before our date, I contacted her to decide a place and a film for us to watch. On the following day, she told me that she would not be able to go because she had a really bad week at work. Not the best reason, but it could be true, I do not know. She also apologized, saying that the online dating app we were using was not working well on her phone. She gave me her Facebook and told me we could keep talking through IMs.

I think it is a good thing. I never asked her for her Facebook: she took the initiative and invited me to keep our conversation. And I did just that.

We have been talking a lot these last few days. She says she is interested in going on a camping trip with me someday. We talk about going to college, entrance exams, books we like to read and so on. She seems to enjoy our conversations.

Yesterday, I asked her if we should try to go out again this weekend. Friday will be a holiday in Brazil, so we will have three consecutive days to choose from. But she told me that she will try another entrance exam to a different university this Sunday. She prefers not to go outbecause she is anxious about the exam. I checked her story and it is true: the university she wants to get in will give an entrance exam on this Sunday, November 22.

I have not yet talked to her today (I do not think it is a good idea to talk to her every day), but we kept chatting a little yesterday, even after the apparent rejection, and she seems friendly enough. When I had to log out I said, jokingly, that I had bothered her enough for the day. She laughed and said I have not been a bother at all.

So, what do you think? Are those two "rejections" just very unfortunate coincidences? Is she into me? Will she suddenly stop talking to me like the other two before her? I am not sure of what to think, but I am enjoying talking to her and I wish we would meet in person someday. And I am afraid of some other guy talking to her through the online dating app and making a move before me, so I wish we could hurry things up and go out ASAP.

Well, I have always said, if people really want to do something, they will find a way to do it, unless there is a legitmate reason for them not to.

She has already given you several excuses for cancelling, but she did offer to chat with you on FB, when she was having problems with the app, so that tells you, she at least doesn't totally dislike you. These excuses may be legitimate, or they could be half-truths to avoid going out on a date with you. I would give her another chance, after she is through with things, and if she cancels again, I would forget about her.

The first time was a canceling.
The second time was not a rejection, just an explanation why this time wouldn't work.
She sounds honest. I'd give her another chance.
I don't know why someone would continue to chat over IMs, etc. if they weren't interested at all. It's much easier to reject someone through technology just by ignoring them.

I do understand, however, how extremely unnerving it is to not know for *certain* that someone is interested. I also understand that the excuses, however legitimate, feel like rejections even when they are not meant that way.

You could try saying something like, "I'd like to go out with you. When is a good time?" and let her tell you what will fit in her schedule. If she hedges then and can't find a time, then I'd take that as a bad sign.

I think she is being honest, too. But I forgot to mention: one day after the first canceling, I invited her to go hiking with me and some friends on the following day. She refused, saying she did not have the money to pay for the transportation. I offered to pay for her, but she said she would rather wait until she had money. She did insist that she wants to go hike next time, so I think she was being honest.

I have to admit that I am a little paranoid, too. I am 25 years old and this is the closest I have ever got to dating someone (and no, I have not kissed anyone yet). It is no wonder I have little confidence in my ability to make this work, regardless of how much I want it to.

Go by what people DO, not what they SAY. She cancelled twice, hasn't rescheduled to a concrete date, ergo isn't interested.

Move on!

She did give you her facebook without being asked, and the 2 cancellations could be legitimate.

I'd say, ask one more time, if she cancels that one; ask her to choose a date that's convinient for her.
If she offers one, you're good, if she doesn't want to; you are probarbly a "backup guy", and it is better to move on indeed.

She's cancelled more than twice. I think she likes talking to you, but doesn't want to take it past that and is not forward enough to tell you the truth. Facebook is safe and she can keep talking to you without commitment. I think that she didn't think it would go this far and now she doesn't know how to get out of it.

I'd quit asking cause it's going to make you look desparate.

The bottom line is that any woman who cancels twice in a row (or once without any attempt to reschedule) is either not interested or a waste of time. As someone who is straightforward and direct, it took me a LONG time to figure it out. Ditto with people who make excuses not to meet IRL: I wasted SOOO much time assuming these women were telling the truth and not stringing me along.

No, that's complete BS! Unless you were traveling across the globe if someone is interested they will find a way. If you ask again, she will make up another ridiculous excuse so stop wasting your time and move on. I have plenty experience with these types and online sites are full of them! I only met two women online out of 30 who were actually reasonable honest: most were passive aggressive and disappeared for no apparent reason without telling me.

I knew my Fiancee was a good candidate because she cancelled the second date but immediately offered an alternative time and place (and has never cancelled since). If a woman is interested in dating, she will do this without prompting or being asked.

Finally, women that stop talking to you usually have NOTHING to do with you. They are either talking with multiple men at the same time or have flaky personality. Either way they are doing you a BIG favor by ghosting on you. Image being married to someone who randomly disappears with no explanation!

To be honest, I am finding it difficult to move on right now: I have been enjoying our conversations and I think we would get along if we met. So yeah, I am going to try once again next week, after she is done with her entrance exam. I will do as you guys are suggesting and ask her to set a date if she refuses again. I think it is worth giving her another chance because she says in her profile that she is shy: maybe she is nervous.

Besides, it is not like I have anyone else I am talking to right now. I am not really an appealing guy. We have been talking for nearly two weeks now: I have never gone that far with a woman before.

Also, if she refuses once more, I intend to just ask her whether she is interested in me or not. I ask blunt questions like this all the time: I have no idea why I have not done so with her.

I did not understand the joke. Is that John Travolta?

I don't get it, Boo.

He can't make up his mind on what to do? Did I get it?

I think he means that the girl is considering different options, but I'm not 100% sure.

Did John Travolta get a sex change and I didn't hear about it? (I'm always the last one to find out these things.)

I would say that she likes talking to him as well (it doesn't mean she's romantically interested, though), because she probably wouldn't have gave him her FB, if she didn't.

If someone was 100% totally interested in him, they would have either rescheduled their exams, if it was possible, wanted him to comfort them when they had a bad week, or at least tried to fit him in to spend time with him. This tells you that her interest level is questionable, and that her priorities are elsewhere.