Why did she say she was "too busy"?

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(These events happened last January)

I sometimes go down to a Barnes and Noble about twenty or so minutes from where I live. Near the beginning of this year, I was buying some manga and the cashier, a good looking glasses wearing girl, asked me about the series (Fairy Tail and Soul Eater) I was buying. We had some small talk about manga before I left and even said it was nice to meet each other. But on the way out, I started kicking myself because I wondered if I missed a friendship or even a dating oppurtunity.

About a week or so later, I went back to the same Barnes and Noble and saw her again. Around this time I had gotten a donated copy of the Soul Eater anime and was going to buy the first volume of Soul Eater's mangaka's new manga called Fire Force so I had a feeling telling her would increase my chances of getting her as a friend or more. After ringing up my purchases, I asked her if she wanted to get some coffee. She asked why and I told her I was curious. She said she didn't like coffee and I told her it didn't have to necessarily be coffee but then she said "I am just too busy these days." I told her maybe when she's not so busy we could still meet up and made my leave.

It looked like we had something in common but why would she say she was "too busy"? I thought someone like her would be looking for new friends or even a dating partner since geeks and nerds are in the minority in the Bible Belt. Was she truly busy or did she not like me?

It might be possible that she was just being friendly. When someone acts friendly towards me I just assume that they are just being friendly and nothing more. I think if you expect less from someone you will not be as likely to be disappointed.

She was being friendly and nothing more. Plus she was at work.

She didn't like you.

That could all change, but you can't just go up to someone you don't really know well, ask her out, and expect a date just like that.

The thing about meeting people at work being wrong is all bs, btw, else how do you go about meeting people in the first place? Yes, there are other ways. But you fall in this trap of there always being some excuse not to meet people. For example: you can't meet a person in a coffee bar because she's there for coffee. You can't meet a woman in a bar because she's there to drink. You can't meet a girl in the library because she's there to read. You can't meet in church because she's there for Jesus. You can't meet in the park because she's there to exercise.

All bs because people do it all the time.

Your heart's in the right place. But you don't KNOW this girl, and she doesn't know you. She was simply being nice to a customer. That's all. After maybe seeing her at work a third time or so, you could have asked what kinds of things she enjoys after-hours. Fav eating places. Movies she's interested in. That kind of thing. Get her talking to you. Then arrange to meet up somewhere.

Is that a guarantee of anything? No. It's just a better way to handle it than how you did.

And maybe she really IS busy, but I strongly suspect not. Keep at it, though, and keep what I said in mind. Best of luck to ya!

She was trying to subtly convey that she's not interested in dating (whether just you or in general, I can't say). At least that's the impression I'm getting.

"Too busy" is a myth.

I tend to overthink situations since I fell behind socially and catching up has been extremely frustrating. I've had more disappointments than victories in social situations for the last few years that it makes it hard for me to feel hopeful.

Saying they are too busy is their way of turning you down and rejecting you but in a nice way. It is confusing because how do you know if someone is just being friendly or if they are into you. Only way to find out is if they reject you after you ask them out.

Always remember that if you meet a woman in the service industry she is just doing her job by being nice\chatty\taking an interest. Mistaking this for specific interest in you as a person is one of the most common ways for you to end up feeling\looking like a fool and for her to end up being harassed at work by yet another guy she has no interest in.

I also want to catch up but I've been hitting my head against the wall instead.



I didn't get angry or argumentative, though. I made my leave since not only did she say she was too busy but it's rude to hold up the line.

Maybe not but let's break it down;

"I asked her if she wanted to get some coffee. She asked why"

That means "I'm not interested", if she was interested she'd say "yes".

"She said she didn't like coffee and I told her it didn't have to necessarily be coffee"

That means "I'm not interested", if she was interested and genuinely didn't like coffee she'd say something like "Sure, as long as we go somewhere I can get a <insert drink she does like>"

"then she said "I am just too busy these days." I told her maybe when she's not so busy we could still meet up"

That means "I'm not interested". If she was interested she would make time.

So she tried to give you a hint that she wasn't interested three times and you still didn't get the hint and said "maybe when you're not busy". You really have to try and learn to read between the lines and get when someone is trying to tell you "thanks but no thanks". Normally if someone is interested they don't come up with silly excuses about not liking coffee or being busy, they respond positively and enthusiastically. Rather than putting up barriers to the meeting they see what can be done to make the meeting happen. If that's not what is happening then the other person just isn't into you.

To be honest, it sounds like you are judging me here. I live in a harsh culture that didn't teach me anything about dating because people either told me that God had a "plan" for me or I was a "weirdo" who was never going to get "laid" so please cut me some slack. I also don't fit in with the culture around me and I am always wondering if I am missing out on oppurtunities to meet others who have common interests.

Saw the girl again at the same place. It felt awkward seeing her but I brought up my manga purchase to her anyway. She didn't say anything unless I said something (Just that I got paid and I liked the music they were playing in the store) nor did she bring up what happened last time. She mainly just looked at the computer as she rang up my purchase but did tell me to have a goodnight.

Seriously, it sounds like it's time to move on.

But don't feel so bad. I once had a rather drunken night with a young lady and called her later and asked if she wanted to go out for dinner. She said, "It's raining and I don't like to go out in the rain." I called again a couple of days later and she said, "It's too hot and I don't like to got out when it's so hot." Unbelievably, I kept calling her, maybe ten more times, wondering why she didn't answer the phone.

I was in my 30s, so I had no excuse except AS.

Well, can you really blame me? I am at the age where I should atleast know the dating game but trying to play it has been like banging my head against a wall.

Before you guys said that it's because she was indirectly saying that she wasn't interested in him. I thought the girl meant when she said that was she had to work alot and didn't have time for anything. If I was this guy that's what I would of thought. And sometimes keep coming in the store to see her. I don't know if he thought the same way though.

Too busy = not interested

Just memorize it.

/ End of story.