Approaching "shy" artistic aspie guy?

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Hello everyone, first off: thank you for potentially taking the time to read this and help me out!
Autism runs in my family and although I am not diagnosed with autism myself, I do recognise myself in people with ASD and AS and I certainly feel affectionate towards them.

A year ago I met a guy with AS who at first was very open and funny towards me in a social situation among other people. He seems very sweet, funny and fragile in a way. We exchanged emails and numbers etc. I became absolutely infatuated... but I noticed from what he was saying that he (like me!) is quite isolated and not keen on 'bombarding' personalities. At the time I didn't know he had AS and I kind of let my exuberant social self get the better of me by loudly cracking jokes and coming across as someone who is 'social'. I feel I have inadvertently intimidated him perhaps?

Since then I have seen him once a month in 'chance' meetings at uni... He seems to avoid me ever since. I sent him an email asking him if he might be willing to meet up some time to which he replied that "he was busy and that I should ask again in the far future perhaps"

I understand his response of course because I didn't want to freak him out by pouring my heart out and putting pressure on him. I know my previous email was perhaps not specific enough. But I also want him to feel that he has 'space' and that he can take his time... I don't like being specific and forcing someone, if that makes sense?

Thing is... I am confident I truly care about him. I would give him all the space he needs, all the alone time and I don't care about physical contact. His call! I don't even mind him 'ignoring' me, so long as he isn't doing it because I might be making him feel uncomfortable.

When I do see him by chance at uni he will either avoid eye contact or smile faintly or just walk me by in a fast pace... I really do not want to make him feel uncomfortable and I would like to get to know him better without him feeling uneasy.

Now... I don't know how to approach this. Especially since he asked me to "contact him again in the far future perhaps". I don't know if he is trying to be polite... and the 'perhaps' at the end really had me wondering...

He is very lovely around some people he works with, very funny and actually quite loud surprisingly. It hurts me to see I have such an effect on him... He seems to shut down when he is around me.

Any advice would be most welcome! I feel very uncomfortable socially myself, though I can 'seem' social. I don't want to bombard him but at the same time I want to be clear enough without freaking him out...

Any advice on how I could do this, or what I could perhaps write in a next email? or when I might best write it? I don't mind waiting for a few years, but I also don't want some self-determined chick picking him up before me

Thank you ever so much!

Nora

Hmm, the line doesn't really read that well. I don't know the full context, but it sounds pretty clear that he not wanting to meet up for the foreseeable future.

He might not be interested in a romantic relationship.

hi
Thank you very much for the reply! If it helps, basically the conversation went something like
"I enjoyed your company and would love to get to know you better. Would you maybe feel like meeting up sometime when you can? To which he responded with "Was there anything specific to discuss, because I am very busy maybe sometime in the far future perhaps"

That was roughly it... I don't see how I can be more 'specific' than what I said... Without freaking anyone out at least.

So yes, perhaps he genuinely isn't interested. The only thing is that I wish he would somehow know that I am willing to be flexible to give him all the space and requirements he needs... I can imagine people freaking out and not wanting anything because of past experiences with needy 'normal' people who just fuss over anything outside of the norm...

ah well! I'll give it a few years... see what gives thanks for the reply!

How well do you know him? Is he interested in women, asexual, etc? You don't know.

The bluntness of the reply could be AS, but it seems to me he is wondering why you contacted him.

If a women had sent me that reply, I would assume that they are not interested. If I had said that (or felt compelled to), it a given that I'm not interested. Especially the phrasing of it.

If it was just not an optimum time or nervousness, I would phrase it differently.

Perhaps it was an extreme reaction to other pressures, like academic priorities. However it is better to assume he is not interested.

I wouldn't assume your willingness to accommodate his AS plays any factor in this.

You could try again in a few years, but you probably should move on.

I'm not always good at reading between the lines but that example seems obvious to me.

Thanks again for the reply! I don't know him that well personally I guess. But I have observed him carefully. He mentioned he is into women, but I don't know what level of physicality he is comfortable with. He is very robotic in the way he handshakes and hugs people in social situations and he can also seem very calculated (like he rehearsed replied etc).

But thank you for your view on things... It seemed quite obvious to me as well. Ah well... We'll see! Thanks for your input!