The Choice

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When I was just a bit younger, I used to think, why doesn’t someone from my friends and family just set me up with a girl? They knew I wanted a girlfriend but they did nothing. Until now.



A few months ago, I had an argument with my girlfriend. I told her I could help her lose weight and she said she didn’t like me talking about her losing weight, even though she talked about it all the time. She asked why I was with her if I didn’t like her appeaernce.



This really put me on the spot. I had to think fast. I said it was because she was the best I could do and if not for her I’ll always be alone. Maybe this is no longer true.



After I lost weight and got fit, my appearance improved. I got a decent job as well. I started to think that these things made me more elligable. More desirable to women. Like maybe I was out of her league and that I was desirable enough to get a really pretty girl if I wanted. Maybe I don’t want a really pretty girl.



Enough backstory, here’s what happened. In the last few days my father has been trying to set me up with this Filipina girl. She’s 23 years old and very thin. Without makeup she’s pretty. With makeup she’s a knockout. Compare to GF, looks normalish on a good day and mildy deformed on a bad day (big chunky head and oddly stubby hands and feet (even she said she’s a beast, her father doesn’t believe she has a boyfriend because he thinks no man could be attracted to her).



So it should be a no brainer, right? Just go with slightly underweight knockout girl, right? But, I just can't! >_<



I just can’t leave GF. Maybe it’s because I like her personality. We got on well most of the time and I feel more comfortable around her than any girl I’ve met. Maybe it’s because she’s more financially responsible than some girls I’ve met (always offers to pay me back for things, believes in the dual income couple). Maybe it’s she’s the only Asian girl I’ve ever met who has D-cups (wheras the thin Filipina is nearly flat chested).



Maybe it’s because GF is more sexually liberated where as the Filipina girl is a Catholic who probably doesn’t believe in sex before marridge. I know there’s a stereoptype of Catholic girls who break the rules but I'm not sure if she's that type or the type who sticks to the rules. GF is an atheist.




Maybe it’s because I already paid for her plane tickets to come over in October and for our cruise in December. The sunk cost fallacy?



Maybe it’s because GF has a nice personality but the knockout girl I don’t even know what her personality is. I have common interest with GF. We’re both PC gamers. We both hate iPhones. We’re both self-confessed materialists. We’re both mad at our respective snobbish families.



Maybe she knows me too well. She can tell when I’m lying. At least this will keep me in line XD



But on other hand, the other girl is aesthetically what I’ve always wanted. I feel like I’m a fool to give up this knockout girl. I worry that if I stay with GF. My friends and family will think I’m a loser who only goes after low hanging fruit. One of my friends already dislikes her. He says she’s so fat she’s going to die from a heart attack (maybe she will lose weight? But she’ll still have an odd looking massive head and her characteristic 1 mph walk) (at one point she said she’d be willing to get plastic surgery for me but I think she changed her mind).



Some of my friends say I shouldn’t be hung up on appearances. That love isn’t about what the girl looks like or what other people think of what she looks like or what I think other people think of what she looks like. My father says looks aren’t important even though he’s the one who tried to set me up with the knockout girl. He says that if people think less of me or her based on her looks, they do more to insult themselves than either of us.



I’ve been corresponding with the knockout girl’s aunt. Even at 40 she’s still pretty. I guess this girl comes from good stock. Last night I told her I had a girlfriend and that I only wanted to be friends with her and her niece. Maybe if GF dumps me, it would be nice to have a contigancy plan. I think the Aunt wants to marry my father but then perhaps her niece will no longer need marridge for a Visa.



In a way I don’t want to be with a girl who only likes me because she thinks marrying me will get her Australian citizenship. GF was born in Australia to Chinese parents, already a citizen.



Even though before I said without GF I’d be alone for ever, even though she didn’t like it, she’s hinted that the same applies to her. She’s hinted that she thinks no other man would have her.



Whenever she gets mad at me she brings up that thing about how I said I’m only with her out of fear of being alone. I know, terrible thing for me to say but I guess she can’t invoke that anymore. I’ll just tell her I chose her over a really hot girl who was a total knockout.



Anyway I just feel this choice is so frustrating. Having to decide between two choices when I don’t like having to give either one of them up. I love GF but this new girl is so pretty that's it's making it really hard >_<


I see these thin, pretty girls every day on the street, on the train. I thought "why can't I be with one of them?" Well now one of them wants to be with me, she's hotting on over Facebook and yet I'm giving it up? I don't know if I'm being a fool to give up the knockout girl. I just can't bring myself to leave GF.

Also I'm pretty sure the new girl at work is hitting on me (also Filipina). I find it really hard to reject her advances because she's also thin and pretty. I probably shouldn't keep going on walks with her after lunch.

That's a nasty thing to say.
And from your other comments about her (basically making fun of her) I have to assume you don't like her very much. I hope she figures this out and cuts ties with you.

Yes it was a nasty thing to say. I just thought maybe I could make up for it. Like later I could say I really did choose her over other girls and she wasn't the only girl I had to choose from. I thought this would put my mind at ease. It's not working. I still feel wracked with guilt

It's like I've got Stockholm syndrome. The one friend I've told about it says I'm a fool for staying with the l and refusing the advances of the pretty girl.

On the other hand, I mostly get on OK with GF (I think). What if I dumped her for this Filipina girl but we didn't get along or things didn't work out? Then I would have already burned my bridges with GF.

The Filipina girl is being really flirty with me over Facebook but maybe she's only being like that because she only wants Australian residedence?

Or maybe she's nice and I could have the perfect life with this pretty girl. Or maybe I'd be better off sticking with GF, I don't know. I wish I could know each of them for a couple of years but not both at the same time.

I can't decide? How can I decide if I like someone when I don’t know them? This indecision is driving me insane it's affecting my life. I had trouble concentrating at work today.

they both seem to be really bad to each other. yet they wont' cut ties. so idk. maybe like others said they deserve each other?

If you have a girlfriend why is anyone trying to hook you up with other girls?

Perhaps its best not to take advice from people like that....from the sound of it this poor girl deserves better than the disdain you have for her based upon her lack of 'knock out gorgeous' looks.

My father knows about GF so why would he want to set me up with another girl?

Because I haven't seen her five months. She's in a different state. It's like I have to be faithful to her for all this time but I don't have the benefit of being in the same place as her. I have to be faithful to her and all we do is talk over the phone or on Facebook. Usually the reward for fidelity is a partner who lives in the same state as you.

One day she rang me up and told me she was going to fly to Sydney later that afternoon. She said she was dumping me and apologized. And then about a month later she texts me to say that she still loves me and that she wants to continue our relationship... while she still remains in Sydney. She says she'll visit every few months (none so far and return permanently in the middle of next year.

So why would I think of other girls when I've already got a girlfriend? Because at the moment I don't feel very much like I've got a girlfriend. At the moment I'm alone all the time. It's like I have all the responsibility of a relationship with none of the reward.

And then when I hear of the Filipina girl I get wracked with guilt. How can I leave GF? Well she already left me. How do I know she wouldn't do it again?

That's the case against GF. Here's the case against the knockout Filipina. I start seriously considering dumping GF on the train today and being the Filipina instead. But I think, how can I compare these two girls when I haven't met both of them yet. So I ask Dad when she's coming to Australia.

He says she'll come to Australia as my bride. Now first of all, how could I want to marry someone when I haven't met them? In spite of her good looks I have no idea if we have compatible personalities. We haven't even had a conversation that wasn't 100% flirting on her side. I have no idea what she's like in day to day life.

Second of all, she's a mail-order-bride. That might be a bad thing. A couple of years ago I actually wanted to get one but I realized I couldn't afford one. They always prefer westerners that have nice middle-class jobs. Well now I've got a job like that but I'm starting to wonder if I should stick with the girl I met the natural way (on a dating site). I mean, how do I know that a mail-order-bride wouldn't divorce me the moment she got Australian residence or try to rob me or something?

I don't know. She might have a perfectly nice personality. The trouble is I have no way of finding out what type of personality she has. Dad says GF is too far away. Well Sydney is still closer than Manilla.

As for the third girl, the new girl at work was trying to get me to hang out with her (she's also Filipina but I think she already has a Visa). She's the only one of the three who's actually in Adelaide. She's nice and kind and pleasant but I don't think we'd get along. She brings up God in every conversation and I noticed she stopped hitting on me after she asked if I believe in God and I said no.

She starts asking about the guy who wears a crucifix but gets disappointed when she finds out he's a protestant. I don't think I'd enjoy a relationship where God is brought up every two minutes. I would find it overbearing.

Great pun

A mail order bride? No good can come of that, please tell me you aren't considering this. I said it to you once and I'll say it again: you have a lot to learn about relationships. It sounds almost like you want a girlfriend as a "status symbol" rather than to actually have a relationship with them.

Practically. Dad says this girl and her aunt friended him a few days ago and started begging him for marriage so they could gain immigrant status in Australia. I don't think they're with a mail order bride agency but it's practically the same thing without the agent, right?

I'm starting to consider sticking with GF instead (even though there are times when I think GF sees me as a sperm donor). As for the Filipina, I wasn't fully aware of the situation when I started this thread. I thought my Dad actually knew them.

Do I want a girlfriend as a status symbol? Yes I do think that way and yes I know I shouldn't. First I just wanted to have one so people wouldn't comment on me being single. Then that wasn't enough. I wanted to have a pretty one so people wouldn't think I went after low hanging fruit.

I shouldn't think that way, I know it's wrong. My time with GF made me think that what we think of each other is more important than what people think of me being with her. It taught me that we can have more fun alone than I can have showing her off with my friends.

I think the logical conclusion is that I should await the return of GF. Anyway, we're booked to go on a cruise in December. That should be fun.

But then they'll think you're superficial.

If I'm with a girl who's not very attractive, does that mean I can take credit for not being shallow?

Do all people in Australia talk about women as if they're not people, or is it just you?

I think you've demonstrated quite well that personality isn't remotely important to you.

Now this is why I feel conflicted. If I go for looks over personality people say stuff like that ^ if I go for personality over looks people say "Why are you with that fat girl?" or "she'll die from a heart attack" or "she just has to stop eating so much" (I particularly don't like the last because the poor girl eats very little as it is).

What I'm getting at is I'm dammed if I do, dammed if I don't. People judge me for being shallow but people also judge me for out with a girl who doesn't look good.

It's like society expects me to not even notice how girls look and yet still be going out with a supermodel just by coincidence.

And is it really such a sin for guys to be more attracted to girls who are more attractive? I mean if girls have the right to dislike guys for being unemployed (and they have that right) then don't guys have the right to dislike girls who are unpleasant to look at? Or don't guys get any choice at all?

Society's expectations of me are hypocritical. I have half a mind to stop trying to live up to them but He'll, the only reason I ever moved out of home or got a job was because people expected me to.

Also I had to lose a lot of weight before girls started taking an interest in me and yet girls are exempt for some reason?

So I'm not allowed to be repulsed by an ugly girl? That's like some 1984 thought control. Or I'm not allowed to say ugly. Are there any other words you'd care to remove from Newspeak?

Last edited by RetroGamer87 on 10 Aug 2015, 10:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

If she's a "mail-order bride," I'd avoid her like the plague. It's not that she's a bad person--it's just the whole idea behind it. And she could use it against you in an argument.

You seem to like this girl whom you find unattractive. You enjoy her company. I wish she wasn't so mentally unstable, though.

I think, through the guidance of others, some of whom are online, that you'll gain more wisdom in relationships.

Yes and she's mentally unstable. She can be nice and sweet for a long time and then do something bizarre like move to Sydney on a whim or make strange demands. Her mental instability is another thing for me to be unhappy about.

If she does something bad and I react to it she makes a big deal about my reaction and then i'm the one who ends up apologising. She acts like Deborah from Everybody Loves Raymond.

She thinks I'm not allowed to tell her off because it makes her feel bad but she tells me off a lot. She says I'm "hurting her heart". She thinks i'm saying she's stupid. I think she's smart but smart people can still make mistakes. She can't work out I was only being critical of her actions during the moment she made the mistake (no I didn't call her stupid, she inferred it).

And worst of all, she wants to get a poodle. Not just a normal sized poodle, a toy poodle. She collects Hello Kitty dolls and yet she says I act like a child.

Last edited by RetroGamer87 on 10 Aug 2015, 10:35 am, edited 1 time in total.