Covert nature of romantic relationships

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Hi everyone,

I am being bothered by this question. Why are romantic relationships interact in a covert manner? There's so much reading between the lines and predicting each other's moves as if you have mental telepathy skills? Why not say things directly and if things don't work out, then move apart.

I mean what is the significance of covert or implied communication? Is it a way to test each other's compatibility? What if you're a brutally honest person? My parents would tell me you'll never have a partner because you're "too honest". So there's such a thing as being "too honest"?? Is it a test as resilience to deception, as it is an advantage to foil deceptive intent against other people who want to take advantage of you?

Sorry for the rant, but I think the implied nature of romance and my lack of instinct or hatred to speak indirectly led me think that I'm doomed from succeeding in intimate relationships.

I believe there are times when it is difficult to "read between the lines."

However, in the course of my life, I have learned that there are "better ways" to say intimate things. Many times, it is not romantic to express these sort of things in a blunt manner.

For example. A man shouldn't ask a woman, while both are kissing: "Do you want to have sex?

Instead, the man would say, "I think you're a very beautiful woman, and I am attracted to you. I would really feel good if we were able to make love with each other."

Hm..., I misread this thread's title as a game called "Convert nature to romantic relationships".

I don't think what I said was indirect. I thought it was direct--but less blunt.

Usually, if two people are interested in each other, they don't go through a great thought process. They do lots. They don't talk lots.

If she doesn't want to make love, she'll say so, or she'll make some sort of gesture, or she'll pull away. And I'll accept it. End of story. I'm not a forceful sort.

If she wants something else....like oral sex, of course she might express the desire---or she might pull me towards her.

I don't happen to think it's romantic to be blunt about things. It just doesn't feel right to my ears.

I think this is sort of a "to each his/her own" sort of situation.

I too, can be blunt about things, sometimes outright asking for permission to do certain things.

Consdiering my first girlfriend felt I went too far the night I slept at her house and I made her uncomfortable but she didn't express it to me at all (or did verbally HINT it but I didn't pick-it-up), I would have prefferred her to be directly honest with me.

I felt mixed signals from her as 'implied consent' and actual consent was very blurred and grey.

My second girlfriend I did actually ask if I could kiss her and such. It was a turn-off to her but I also did make her uncomfortable accidentally at one point when I tried to kiss her, probably would have been worse if I didn't ask....

And, what's so non-romantic about bluntness? "I want to kiss you so bad! ! !!" isn't necessarily wrong.

Exactly. It's about being flirty and fun.

And is preferrable as it is far more direct.

I'm just an open, honest guy in general and can talk out and openly about a relationship even different to affection or sex.

OP should find someone who he can talk to anything and everything about regarding the relationship

Even those who dont i usually openly encourage them to be just as open and honest with me as I am with them and if they need to tell me something, just fricken say it though Im not sure teenage girls my age always get the picture.

There are 7 billion or so on the planet, half of whom are female. Go find a girl who is as blunt/honest/straightforward as you are. Statistically, they're out there!

I'm glad that there are people who support directness in romantic relationships. Maybe it's just time to accept the fact that I may have a hard time finding someone who is frank and direct. And I acknowledge some of you guys favor this way of communication.

I live in the Philippines, where they value the most is socializing and cooperation, empathy, etc. In other words, this is a BAD place for an Aspie to live with. People keep on telling at me you have to be nice nice nice, and because of that communication becomes 'encrypted' to me. And I don't to live with a partner whom I have to be nice all the time. It just doesn't feel home.

I'm also aware that romantic relationships have petty conflicts due to such misunderstandings, but on my instance, it's a far greater magnitude, and I just dislike settling conflicts due to such deals. I simply prefer simpler communication rather than I have to decrypt every 'nice' statement whom when you misinterpret, the conversation becomes a waste of time.

On one note, on most situations, when I hear someone say, "Hey don't say it to her, she will get hurt", but for me, it hurts even more not to know the truth right away..