Will anyone ever want to be my friend or girlfriend?
I am more worried than ever about my prospects of a social life and a love life. Thing is that I have quite a lot of acquaintances, but nobody who would want to spend an evening just with me, go travelling with me and there is definitely not anyone who would want to spend their life with me, not that it's too surprising.
I do get invited to parties now and then, and that's where I have had my romantic successes, but that's when everyone is drunk and don't care about who they make out and have a fling with.
My problem is that I know so little about how to maneuver in a friendship/relationship, how NTs develop bonds is beyond me. Of course I know that you should have something in common with the person, behave nicely, show interest, but I have no idea about what to say, so usually I talk very little, I stutter or say nothing at all. I'm a guy who could talk for hours in front of a big audience about a topic I'm interested in, but when I'm with girls or friends I'm on thin ice if I have to stray into small talk.
The physical side of the relationship is for me no problem at all. There is no feeling that is better than looking into a girl's eyes, rubbing, caressing and slightly tickling her to make her feel comfortable, and the few girls I've been with think I'm good at this.. If I only were as good with the verbal side of things.
Does anyone have some well-thought advice for me? ![]()
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,278
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
How do you know, none of your acquaintances would spend an evening with just you? Have you asked them? I mean if you have close enough acquaintances you've been invited to parties I'd think at least some of them must enjoy your company.
_________________
Tis the time to melt the Ice.
Hi
So what are you into ? and what is your situation at the moment ? I found when i went into societies in university that making friends wasn't too hard for me, but i know how tough it is in real life to find groups of people with similar interests.
My 5th girlfriend and i would talk about Heroes of might and magic all night. It just happened , I am sure there is someone out there that shares the same interests as you, the world is a vast place xD.
Cheers
Legolas26
P.S I've forgotten why my name is legolas can someone help me ?
^Um...Legolas is an epic Lord of The Rings elf?
My advice would be to write down a list of all of the positive traits you want in a partner [no negative traits], and visualize that partner at a time when you are alone without any interruptions. It certainly worked for me!
Hope is a beautiful and terrible thing...and should therefore be treated delicately. This may sound cliche, but belief truly is amazing. If you believe that you can, than you can. If you believe that you can't, than you can't.
_________________
My advice is to join some kind of community or club of sorts. I started attending a church about 5 and 3/4 years ago, and it did wonders for me socially. I slowly became more involved in the church, at a gradual pace that worked for me. Now I have an inner circle of church friends, in addition to my old high school friend. I also have a girlfriend now, and it can all be traced back to joining my church. Joining a community of sorts will not change everything overnight, but give it enough time and you'll look back and have difficulty remembering what life was like before you did.
My advice might not apply because I am in a different situation than you, but here goes.
My problem with dating (and friendship) was similar to yours. I didn't know how to just hang out and spend unstructured time with people. In regards to learning to just be around women, forming friendships with women is what has helped. I am talking about friendships that are completely platonic (you don't want to hook up with girl and she doesn't want to hook up with you). With friendships with guys, I don't know what happened. I guess it was a matter of finding guys who I enjoyed talking to and who were on the same wavelength as me. Once I found guys like this, the friendships developed naturally. They would invite me to do stuff or I would have an idea of something to do and would invite them to do stuff. I hope my feedback isn't too general.
I know how you feel. I felt the same way when I was your age. It seemed like there was an invisible barrier between me and other people. I am sure you will figure it out if you keep trying.
Something else that helped me was reading books about small talk. I don't like small talk and didn't know how to do it, but I think I have gotten good at it after learning the basics and practicing for a while.
