I Can't Grasp the Notion of Make-Up Sex

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(Mods, move it to the Adult Forum if it's required per WP's TOS, but this is about relationships, not sex.)

I'm sure people on here have heard the term "make-up" sex. It's just that: the sex couples have after making-up after a fight. In the NT world, it's described as "hot", "exciting", and all sorts of words that confuse the hell out of me. I've even heard/read stories about women deliberately picking fights with their significant other, just to enjoy the allegedly hot make-up sex afterwards. What are they thinking!

How does the notion of make-up sex even exist, let alone it being hot or exciting? Hell, how's it even possible in the first place? If I were to have a big fight with my girlfriend, I'd be at the police station, talking to an officer to file a restraining order. I certainly wouldn't be desiring sex with her. At the absolutely minimum, I'd want to completely get away from her for a few days. Plus, I'd be too angry and bitter for quite some time afterwards. Not to mention I'd be afraid to leave my wallet and cell phone unattended on her bedroom floor. (And keeping my pants on during sex would be too weird even in my own aspie world.)

So how did this whole notion of make-up sex get started in the first place? Is it mostly an NT thing?

I've had it. I'm on the Spectrum. And it feels GOOD!

It's negative physical energy transformed into positive physical energy.

I can't figure it out. It takes me a long time to cool down.

However, here's a song for your viewing and listening pleasure actually on the subject - one of my favorite songs.

I feel upset & guilty for a while after me & my girlfriend have an argument or something & the last thing I would want is sex cuz I'm totally not in the mood.

I never feel guilty after a fight, unless it was 100% beyond a shadow of doubt my fault, such as breaking a prized possession of hers or not delivering something I promised (a far cry from most NT fights). In which case, she'd be entitled to whatever needs to be done to make things right. In most cases, however, I feel angry and humiliated after a fight, and like you, sex with her is the last thing on my mind.

Sex is the last thing on my mind after an argument. Bad feelings and sex do not go well together, in my opinion. I'm usually upset for days after a large argument. I don't get it either.

Same.

I think there's also one where they do it while they are still angry, which makes even less sense.

I imagine it this way:

A -- I've treated you really badly, but, guess what?, I don't give a crap how you feel; after all, I can afford to abuse you and you can't do anything to stop me. What's more, I'm going to have sex no matter what, because I feel like it, and I'm sexy as hell, so I'll have no trouble cheating on you if you're not in the mood. So which will it be? Will you suck it up and have sex with me, or shall I have it with someone else and laugh at you even more?

B -- Grr ...

^^^^And you'd be wrong.


I can grasp it, but it doesn't peel my banana.

It's like break-up sex, except it's only half as good.

But make-up sex can occur after a smaller fight than that. Most fights don't end up being dealt with by the police.

As with bonobos, some arguments are resolved with sex.

She has depression & anxiety issues & I feel like I'm not doing a good enough job of understanding & being supportive.

Going to the police would be a unilateral action on my part. It's a preemptive measure against her damaging my body, my property, or my life/career. All in retaliation, which can happen even after a small fight. Not to mention that a police report is often needed to file a restraining order to begin with. Which I expect to definitely need after my next break-up.

Fights drive people apart and sex brings them together. You usually feel emotionally vulnerable after a fight. At the very least there can be an awkwardness in the relationship once the initial anger wears off. Having sex at that point can return it to normalcy and provide reassurance. Like Kortie said, it's turning negative emotions into positive ones.

It's the same for the kind when you're still angry. You're turning that energy into something positive. The anger can be used for a more passionate and uninhibited kind of sex.

Sometimes if a person has been in a relationship with someone for a while, sex, like anything one does many times, while still being good, one may become complacent about it. If the person you are in a relationship with has been irritating you, or you have had some spat with them, afterwards when you have sex with them, the feelings of complacency (which can at times make sex feel less exciting) can be altered.
Part of the definition of complacency is : often without awareness of some potential danger or defect; self-satisfied.
If you feel your relationship is at risk, even if it is only at some small level, it can make sex seem more exciting, as you appreciate or remember that you are pleased or grateful to be having sex.
It can also be cathartic to move from irritation to something of mutual satisfaction and pleasure.
If the fight has been a huge one, then no, make up sex while people are still very unhappy is not either possible or advisable. If you are able to sort things out at bit, then it may be become possible.

Guess:

If they have "made up", they are probably comforting each other. This leads to intimacy. it is supposed to be restorative.

Problem with this is some people (certain personalities) create drama deliberately. To produce a cycle of conflict and resolution.