Asking randomly how I improve my appearance.

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I got the idea to ask random girls (whom I don't know personally, in a one to one chat), people who know you will always sugarcoat things and will never tell you the flat truths.

and this what I got in my first attempt, Lol, 1000 flaws in a row.

Boo, go with what makes you happy. Every girl is going to like something different. You can't please everyone so please yourself. If and when you get a Hunny, then I would ask their opinion.

It's good to see you back, btw.

nurse, life observation makes it so obvious that there a certain people who attract the opposite sex more than other. It is also obvious that there are certain looks that attract most of the opposite sex. You don't even need to conduct a study to prove this is true, we all know deep inside that it's true.

So it's really not "Every girl is going to like something different" - well, maybe in some details perhaps, like hair color or something.... but there is what's called conventionally attractive vs conventionally unattractive.

And when one remains single till a certain late age, it is impossible to not start wondering how conventionally unattractive he/she is.

Ask that question to 100 females and you'll likely get 100 different responses. There's no value to that exercise really.

Look the way you want to. If you look a certain way just to find someone, you'll be under pressure to maintain that look throughout the duration of your relationship or it'll break apart.

It happens so often that people try hard to work out, get a nice body (nothing wrong with it, it's actually very good if it's for YOU) find someone who likes them for that body, but then life happens. People get comfortable and can't keep it up because they never wanted that anyway. Then it's, "you don't look how you used to", "you gained weight" etc, etc. There's then nothing left because the relationship was essentially built on deceit.

That's not to say you don't put your best foot forward. Because you have to. But put YOUR best foot forward, not someone else's foot.

^
Are you in a relationship?

Conventional people will have conventional opinions because they just assimilate the ones they are told to. Opinions of attractive are mostly a construct of the media. If you look at what was considered "conventionally attractive" hundreds of years ago, it was quite different.

And my question to you is, do you want "conventional" in a mate anyways? Maybe I'm assuming too much here, but would you be posting at Wrongplanet.net if you were "conventional"? I don't mean to be insulting here at all, just to be clear.

Do you not want someone who is concerned with the person you are?

I am. I'm married. And I didn't find my wife by being someone I am not.

Socially construct or not, it doesn't matter, fact is most people are attracted to what's conventional.




And what if I don't find any with an unconventional taste (including those who are not conventional themselves yet they still want to go for the conventional beauty)? Like no one, nil?

What if it's your personality, Boo? Maybe it's not your outward appearance at all. Could be your eye contact, not smiling, whatever. How do you know it's your looks that are the problem?

Not gonna claim i don't have personality flaws, nor that it doesn't contribute to my (lack of) attractiveness.

But I am totally sure it's mainly the looks, I did some silly experiments on dating sites, and from their outcomes I am now entirely convinced it's the looks.

Well, that's for you to decide. What's a better scenario for you personally- 1)being with someone who doesn't care about the person you are, but at least you have someone there or 2) run the risk of being alone in the hopes you'll find real compatibility?

I can't answer that, only you can. There is no "wrong" answer. I can say that living to please others doesn't usually end up well because it's very hard to maintain and it's based in shallow things. That and people's tastes can change. If this individual all of a sudden decides they want someone taller, or darker or with different hair, since it's only based on surface level stuff, it'll dissipate.

Again, there is no wrong here. It sucks to be lonely and I am very fortunate I was able to find someone based on that compatibility. I know I am in a small minority and am thankful every day. So I don't know you're personal struggle. But I've known people with a similar mentality and it never worked out well for them.

Personally I value being myself more than most other things. If that is not your belief, than perhaps my perspective is not applicable to you.

I see nothing wrong with what Boo is doing. Like he said, if you're not attracting anybody, you're going to want to look at where you fall short and do your best to improve, right?

You're making the argument that staying true to yourself is more important than changing things you don't want to change for other people, and I agree with you, but the thing is, we're constantly evolving both physically and mentally. If we never upgraded our clothing selection or hairstyle, we'd still be wearing diapers and sporting a hairless head. There are changes that we welcome, and even embrace, and making changes like that is a part of being human.

If a girl makes a suggestion to Boo about trimming his eyebrows a different way, for example, she's not holding a gun to his throat and making him change. I would be guessing that Boo would take her suggestion into consideration, and if he thought it was a good idea, and a new way he'd like to try representing himself, he would implement it.

But if, for example, this girl is suggesting that Boo should only ever wear pink clothing, and Boo doesn't want to wear pink clothing, he's probably not going to take on her suggestion.

On the other hand, if Boo was taking on every suggestion made to him, even those he was firmly against, than what you're saying about staying true to yourself has merit. But when people are looking for ways to improve/change themselves, in my experience, they're not going to be open to EVERY suggestion most of the time.

There's nothing wrong with anything either of us said. I never said he was "wrong".

It's beyond the particulars. It's conceptual. When you engage in people pleasing as it pertains to dating, you're setting the expectation that you will be willing to do this on an ongoing basis. This only sets you up for manipulation.

Being the best you will net you the best outcomes in regards to finding someone you are truly compatible with. This is essentially indisputable. One can only achieve the best matches with another if this other knows who you really are, not just the image you are trying to portray. If someone loves your image, they do not love you, they love what you are showing them.

Now maybe Boo is not interested in the probabilities of being yourself vs an image because loneliness has pushed him to want anything he can get. I can empathize and there isn't anything wrong with that. I just feel when people are doing this they are doing themselves an injustice and setting themselves up for failure and more hurt in the long run. It's the basic idea that "I can't get someone myself, so I have to be something else". What you attract doing that will likely not be worth very much other than "biological use". Which, granted has it's value depending on what your motives are.

As I said previously, this is my opinion. If someone, in this case Boo, is of a different opinion, than my ideas will likely not apply. I do not know his goals.

Inquisitor nailed it.

Btw beakybird, I am not having lack in sex or casual encounters; but they are mostly Asians; for some reason they chase me (and no, they never asked for money nor they want to marry me for visa - they simply find me attractive), problem is they never stay here - they are either tourists or within a work contract then they leave back to their countries, so having a long term with any of them is logistically too difficult.
It's with the local caucasian girls that I am struggling to attract (except Meghrebians for some reason...but are tad darker than caucasians here).

To put it simply: most asian girls find me attractive.
Most local caucasian/or white....don't.