Awkward dating and other questions

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Mirta
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23 Feb 2016, 7:21 am

I have some questions I'd like to ask about love, dating and so on.

-when a first date goes awkward, does it necesserily have to be the last one aswell, does that mean it's definitely no and we should move on? And why (whatever your answer is)?
Is it a weird idea to think that maybe another try, or try differently or what, it could go different and be less awkward? I dunno, nobody's perfect, we all do mistakes, don't we?

-What to do when we're so nervous we can barely talk to some people and it makes them uncomfortable that we're not talking more? It's hard because, well, the more I'm nervous, stressed, etc.. more I will be "mute". And of course, if I like him, I will be very, veeeeeery nervous, and half-mute! But I know that if I wasn't that nervous I could talk to him just like to anybody else.
It's a bit like if you have to take an exam, you studied so you know the subject, but once in front of the examiners, you're so nervous, stressed, etc.. that you "forget" everything, you can't answer their questions and so on and you fail the exam. And of course, once it's over, and the stress and nervosity gone, you totally know the answers to their questions! Do you know what I mean? What can we do? Because it's very frustrating and disheartening!
Oh yeah, and why does it make people feel uncomfortable that we're not talking a lot?
Yeah, and saying "you don't talk verry much!" (or if we're in the exam, something like "you're not answering? You don't know?" etc..), makes it worse!
And is it ridiculous to let him know we were nervous and that was a big part of why we weren't talking much?

Now, about the exam, when we fail, we can work on what went wrong and try again another time. Maybe there are exams where we can try only once and for all, but it's probably very rare.
This brings me back to the 1st question. When it's about a date with one person, do we have only one try, once and for all with that person and if it doesn't go well, then it's over?

-Do we have to be intimate with one person, have sex & kiss, to have real feelings for them? A lot of people have sex without feelings, without love, juste sex. I don't judge, they do what they want, if it makes them happy then it's fine. But what about the contrary? Can we have real feelings for someone when we never had sex or kissed them? Well, I already had feelings for someone, but unfortunately nothing happened. But, when I would talk about it to someone, people would mostly react like if I was a teenage fan of some singer, not like I could seriously feel something strong and real for that person and not understanding why I could feel bad 'cuz he didn't feel the same way for me. I don't agree with that, they're not in my head to know how I feel.
What do you think?

-Is there a way to learn to read signals and figure out what means "yes, he likes you", or "why not, maybe, there's still a possibility" or "no, definitly not, stop trying"?



kraftiekortie
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23 Feb 2016, 8:48 am

Awkward dates don't have to be the "last" date. Maybe you both liked each other, and both of you were so shy that it came off as awkward.

I would say: if the guy continues to call you/text you, that he's probably interested.

If he asks to take your hand, he likes you very much. If he asks a lot about your family, he likes you a lot.

Yes, one can have feelings for another person without having to kiss/have sex with that person. If you don't to kiss, etc., then just tell the person that you don't want to kiss, etc.

Your body is your temple; you don't have to do anything with another person that you don't want to do.



Mirta
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23 Feb 2016, 9:43 am

Well, actually, no he doesn't text me. But....me neither! I didn't dare to text him again since then. But it doesn't mean I'm not interested anymore.....So...I dunno what to think.
I can't even ask if no texting since x-days means one is not interested and will never be, since I perfectly know that it can just mean "I just don't dare to".
Can I try to text him again? (but I just have no idea what the hell to tell him) Or I dunno, add him on facebook, or contact him a way or another?

Quote:
Yes, one can have feelings for another person without having to kiss/have sex with that person. If you don't to kiss, etc., then just tell the person that you don't want to kiss, etc.

Your body is your temple; you don't have to do anything with another person that you don't want to do.


Thank you for your answer! Actually, that was not exactly what I meant. I would have wanted to kiss & more, I was not the one who didn't want to. But, nothing happened with that person, they were not interested. Since nothing happened with that person, does that mean what I felt for them was not love, was not real feelings, that it should not be difficult to stop thinking about them and want someone else, etc..? Is that more clear?



kraftiekortie
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23 Feb 2016, 10:43 am

You might have had sexual feelings for the person--but maybe it wasn't the "right time" for him; or, perhaps, the person felt it wasn't the "right time" for you.

What you felt might or might not have been "love." At the very least, though, it indicates that you have a regard for that person--that you like that person, and want to get to know that person better.

If you do text this person, just tell him that you had a good time when you got together. Also: write about what you're interested in--or, perhaps, your family, if you so desire. Don't be direct about your possible "feelings" for him. Just say that you enjoyed your time together in an intellectual sense--that there is potential for a friendship to develop.

If he doesn't text you back within a week or so, I would probably assume that this person is not interested in pursuing a friendship. Remember: it might not be "you." It might be "him."

You have no obligation to this person. You can "think" about anybody you want to "think" about.



Mirta
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23 Feb 2016, 3:05 pm

well, I'm the one who texted him to ask him on that date that went awkward. As far as I'm concerned, asking someone for a date means what it means. Now, I never said "I love you" or "I have feelings for you" or something like that, directly in his face. And I never did to anybody. I have at least a little bit commun sense!

Now, I'm not interested in a only-sex-one-night-stand thing, but I'm not interested in a sex-less friendship either. I just want a normal adult romantic relationship.

Oh, and I think I'm big enough to know when it's the right time for me!
And I also think I know if I have feelings or if I love someone. I just don't know why people think I don't or think they know better than me if it's love or not and if I know what it is or not. So I was wondering if they think we need to have sex with that person first to feel love and if we didn't have sex, then we can't be in love with them yet?



kraftiekortie
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23 Feb 2016, 3:09 pm

I don't think any of those things that you think I think of you.

I know you're aware of your feelings.

How am I supposed to know what you're feeling? I'm just a man on a computer writing words.

I wish you luck with this person.

I didn't mean to make you upset.



Mirta
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23 Feb 2016, 3:40 pm

I'm not upset! And I didn't mean to be rude to you in any way. Thank you for answering to my questions! :)

I reacted because of this:

kraftiekortie wrote:
or, perhaps, the person felt it wasn't the "right time" for you.

I don't think anyone is supposed to decide for me if it's the right time or not. :wink:
And about being direct, since I'm the one who asked him for a date, I'm afraid I've already been direct and let him know at least that I'm interested in him. Now, not at the point to tell him directly that I feel "like this" or "like that" for him.

Now, again, I didn't mean to be rude to you in any way. I'm sorry if I was!



kraftiekortie
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23 Feb 2016, 6:16 pm

That's quite all right. Maybe I over-reacted.

You don't need to have sex with a person to "show your love."



Mirta
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24 Feb 2016, 2:59 pm

If one person said something kind about me (not to me), does it mean something?



Mirta
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26 Feb 2016, 6:50 pm

nobody has an opinion about this?
When someone says kind things about you, is it a sign?



kraftiekortie
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26 Feb 2016, 7:00 pm

It means the person likes you, at least, as a friend, if not more.



Mirta
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01 Mar 2016, 9:58 pm

how can I know if it's as friends or maybe more?
What should I do? It might sound silly but seriously I don't know. I don't know what to text him, it's been some time now since the awkward date. The only thing I can think of is adding him on facebook. Is that stupid?



kraftiekortie
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02 Mar 2016, 7:16 pm

If he gave you his text ID, or his phone number, there's nothing wrong with texting him.

Just text him to say hi, ask how he's doing. If he responds, then talk about what you did that day.



Mirta
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03 Mar 2016, 8:30 am

actually no, he didn't give me his number, somebody else did. But it didn't seem to bother him. The kind things he said was after that awkward date. I suppose he wouldn't have said those things if he thought I was doing something wrong or bothering or what. What do you think?
btw, what's text ID? I'm not sure.

And sorry for asking again, but is that stipud, odd or creepy or what to add him on facebook? Actually I'm much more comfortable to write rather than talk face to face with maximal nervosity. Is it possible to use a writing way?
Now, that said, of course I can talk, I'm not mute. But, well I need some time with people. But when I can take that time, then I get comfortable and talk just like everyone.
In a more general way, is it exagerated from me want people to take some time to know me and not judge me and consider me as a weirdo, or "does she understand?" or what, because I don't/can't do small talks? And to hope there could be some people who could understand that not making small talks does not mean there's no connection at all, it's just a different connexion, different way of communicating? And that it's not creepy, odd or being mentally disturbed...



kraftiekortie
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03 Mar 2016, 8:37 am

The simple solution: "Friend" him on Facebook.



Mirta
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03 Mar 2016, 8:46 am

well, that's what I'm saying! But some people think it's weird, or a bad approach or what, so I don't know.