I Have My First Date EVER Tomorrow!

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The Grand Inquisitor
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18 Feb 2016, 7:38 am

So I have arranged to go on a date for the first time in my life. I was wondering if anyone had any advice, seeing as I'm embarking on unfamiliar territory.



kraftiekortie
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18 Feb 2016, 7:51 am

I wish you luck on this first date.

I would say....just be the same person you were before you asked the girl out for the date. This is what got you the date in the first place. Don't try to be like some Fonz-type character, or try to show off your intelligence.

You're probably going to talk about your respective families. That's a good ice-breaker, usually. Above all, make sure your date knows you're listening to her. If she says something which upsets you (maybe politically!), don't go on some kind of rant, don't lecture her. People hate to be lectured.



CockneyRebel
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18 Feb 2016, 8:13 am

I hope it goes well for you. :)


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CynthiaFulcanelli
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18 Feb 2016, 8:31 am

The best advice I can give you (its little generic, but it's true) don't try to to prove yourself, and always keep in mind that she chose to go a date with you, so she is already open to being romantic. I wish you the best of luck, and be sure to inform us how the date went :)



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18 Feb 2016, 8:48 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
So I have arranged to go on a date for the first time in my life. I was wondering if anyone had any advice, seeing as I'm embarking on unfamiliar territory.


Where are you meeting, have you arranged that yet? If it's a place that serves drinks get there before the planned meeting time and acclimate to the environment/get used to a new place. Try and find seating that's a bit private if possible.
Order yourself a coffee, or whatever, and try to relax. Have something to do with your hands like reading (paper/book/comic etc) so you don't fidget. Could play with your phone, I suppose, but, having something more substantial gives you a few seconds to gather your thoughts as you fold up your paper/bookmark your mag/comic as you stand for when she gets there.
Then when she walks in, make eye contact and smile. Super important.
Smiling makes you look 'engaged' and 'in the moment' but if you struggle with those things, just a bit of a smile and eye contact is also ok.
She's probably going to be as nervous as you. So try to keep that in mind if you're in danger of overloading.

This is your cue to ask her if she wants a drink. Presumably she will say yes, so go grab one, then whilst at the counter... breathe lol

Go back with the drink and make polite chit chat. Start with asking if she found the place ok then segue into asking if she wants to go for a walk after the drink. You could also ask if she's been there before and if yes, what does she like to drink/what's her favourite and so on. Remember also to pause and give her a chance to respond. Listen to what she says and if there's something you want to know more about, ask her.

I'm suggesting going for a walk because it's an activity you can both focus on, instead of worrying about each other :lol: because walking and talking is easier to handle, because you're both also going to be busy watching where you put your feet lol, instead of just sitting and staring at each other across a table if there's suddenly uncomfortable silence.

With that said, stay where you are if you're both comfortable. Remember to ensure you take into account what she wants to do, as well.
Keep it light. Try to smile. Try and find out her interests. Try to maintain some eye contact. And pay her at least one compliment that's genuine.

Good luck. Remember to have FUN cos dating is meant to be. And hopefully there will be a second date :mrgreen:



The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Feb 2016, 9:30 am

Don't be pervert.

Nothing else, no advice.

She will determine whether she goes on with you or not within the first minutes based on 'Chemistry' (it's what women call Sexual attraction in order to appear less sexual and more 'mystical' :lol:).

Humans, like most mammal species, it's the male who performs - the female chooses - and her evaluation starts the very moment she sees you in person (and ends within minutes).



The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Feb 2016, 9:36 am

or you can build a garden of love:
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/red_velvet_mite
Hell, even male mites should perform.



GiantHockeyFan
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18 Feb 2016, 11:36 am

1) Be your best self, but BE YOURSELF! No phony 'confidence' or 'alpha' nonsense. Even if it works you will wish it hadn't.
2) Be sure to listen and ask questions but not in a 'interview' way.
3) If it doesn't work out, see that as a success rather than a failure. My 'failures' eventually led to meeting my Fiancee. Would have never happened without them. Seriously.
4) Don't project into the future. All you should be concerned about is whether a second date is a good idea. Nothing more.
5) Relax and let the chips fall as they may. Congratulations. I made it to almost 29 before I went on my first date. It sucked (I think it was a pity date) but it was a valuable learning experience.

Edit: 6) Remember it's not just about whether she wants to spend more time with you, it's also about whether you want to spend time with her.



Kitty4670
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18 Feb 2016, 3:36 pm

Good luck & don't go on your phone, I know people go on their phones during a date.


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yellowtamarin
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18 Feb 2016, 5:28 pm

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
Edit: 6) Remember it's not just about whether she wants to spend more time with you, it's also about whether you want to spend time with her.

This one is important. A date is about figuring out if there's mutual compatibility, not about whether you can "impress" the other person. If you genuinely want to get to know the person (which I assume you do!), make that your objective and things should flow smoother than if you objective is "don't mess up" or "be X" or "make sure you do Y".

Have fun :)



The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Feb 2016, 1:25 am

^^Meh, It doesn't work like this in the heterosexual world of dating.

It's the male who usually ask the female out; so it's already a given that he wants to spend time with her.
And he's most likely already did his research to realize she's compatible enough.

Now, it's up to him to "perform"... while she chooses.



darkphantomx1
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19 Feb 2016, 1:50 am

If this is through Tinder, you should beware that she could flake out on you meaning she bails on you. Be prepared for this possibility.

Boss dude. You know what? f**k it i'm tired of being single. Im going to go out there and meet and message some women and get me some woohoo time. I want me some ass just like any other guy.


Go get you some ass man. Buy some condoms at Walmart too because you could be losing your virginity any time now and cuz you don't wanna get no STDS or get a girl pregnant. Then you're f****d.

Don't feel embarrased about buying condoms at the cash register. Because you're practising safe secs and the cash register guy will be thinking 'dayum he's sexually active, what a boss'



Kitty4670
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19 Feb 2016, 2:23 am

Do guys really do research on women before dating them?


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yellowtamarin
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19 Feb 2016, 3:20 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^^Meh, It doesn't work like this in the heterosexual world of dating.

It's the male who usually ask the female out; so it's already a given that he wants to spend time with her.
And he's most likely already did his research to realize she's compatible enough.

Now, it's up to him to "perform"... while she chooses.

Has something changed in the last decade? Cos I've done plenty of hetero dating in the past, and I treated it the same way. Also these days, if I date a male, how is that different just cos I'm not hetero?

The two people are interested in each other and think they might be compatible, which is why they decided to go on a date (no matter who asked who). The date is the part where you see how this works in practice - i.e., whether you really do get along and like each other. Nobody should be the "impresser" while the other is the "judge", it's a mutual thing. If it's not equal, and you don't like that it's not, then you're dating the wrong people for you.



yellowtamarin
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19 Feb 2016, 3:22 am

Kitty4670 wrote:
Do guys really do research on women before dating them?

Some people do research on a person before dating them.