Is it true?

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You'll find that "someone" when you "aren't looking for it?" On a 3 day cruise my

16 yr. old sister meets a new guy friend and then he becomes a new BF (boyfriend)

nearly age 30 (me Aspie) barely talked to anyone (NT Crazy! Casino people and WOO! HOO LETS GET DRUNK!) types.

When I'm not like either of those types of people socially party/singing/gambling your money away etc.

If I'm going to spend hours "playing" something it'll be a video game where I "accomplished something" beating a boss/level etc. NOT throwing away $10-$100+ OR MORE just pulling a lever DING DING DING! money getting thrown out the window!

I was "looking" to make friends on this cruise (back in Sept.) sadly what I found was NT PSYCHOS! Drank from when they got on the boat Thurs. to leaving Sunday morning! getting back into port! WOW!

My parents didn't like I spent most of the time in the room. There view is I'll meet that "someone" when I'm not looking. Do you think this is true? (My next trip is December.) Surely the little sisters (16 and 14) will walk off with 3+ new friends at least! Me in the "adult everyone else group" lets be crazy WASTED DRUNK OR THROW AWAY OUR MONEY! GAMBLING NO THANKS! UGH!

So far, that hasn't happened for me. Huh. Go figure.

Maybe I have to leave my condo first and get "out there".

Last edited by nurseangela on 01 Mar 2016, 9:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That doesn't sound like a fun family cruise, when you're surrounded (and trapped) in an environment that you aren't suited to. It sounds like you went out of obligation to be with family.

To your question about finding someone "when you aren't looking for it", that's just a trope that NTs repeat as a way to make people feel better about finding someone and is not based on fact. However, I've found it easier on myself that when I don't pressure myself to actively search for someone, I feel better about things because I don't give it the kind of focus (or special interest) that I would otherwise give it, so I'm doing other things and not minding that I'm single.

If you are getting social pressure on it from your family, I imagine that can make it all the more difficult because even if you aren't looking, they're going to give you reminders saying that you 'should' find someone.

Thanks. Ya I barely adjusted spent most of the time in the room. the library was old people 60's ugh! shopping WAY to expensive and I have no money so that was out. May be more social and do the comedy clubs this time and this new ship has a TON more to do and a TON more places to eat so there'll always be something to eat burritos/burgers etc. Ya it's hard to deal with life single if you get told "you'll find someone when you aren't looking." Darn NT tropes.

Ya maybe I should leave the house more too LOL! Still live at home but WAY TOO MUCH ANXIETY I only go places usually with family. I never take the bus or anything (don't drive due to vision issues.) To much anxiety to want to take the bus.

Were you able to bring any of your special interests with you on your cruise? Just thinking of any way to make it more tolerable. When I was younger, I would bring entire video game consoles or my gaming desktop at some extended family gatherings to make things more tolerable. Now I don't go to most extended family gatherings after I realized that I have a real choice in the matter if I really want to be somewhere I don't want to be or would I rather be doing something I'm more interested in on my own or at home.

Not for me, I was looking for love when I found my now fiance.

I was going to bring my iPad to read but it was too big and cumbersome. Now things are a little different I have a Kindle which is super small with TONS of books huge Moby Dick type HUGE ones and the complete Potter collection (all 7 books) so plenty to read. I think I'll take that and if I sit off in a corner eating a burger reading than so be it. The Kindle on airplane mode can last for days so a full charge before the trip should do fine. Thanks though. Glad there's a lot more to do on this one it may be a better experience this time around. Or at least I hope so

That advice has been a bit mixed results for me.

Last year in high school, when I was looking, I went on my first three dates with a gal.

As soon as I stopped looking, this one girl developed a crush on me.

She ended up having to leave my school prematurely, and a few weeks later I developed feelings for this one girl and spent a lot of time around her, but I didn't expect anything to develop, but she developed feelings back and she was my first girlfriend.

It didn't go well though.

My second girlfriend and more successful relationship, was when I did start looking.

Try to find a balance in life - don't obsess over relationships, but don't forget about them completely, I say.

I stay in my room all the time, but not out of choice.

I can be a bit more 'lively' than you are - I'm an ambivert and alright with the occasional drink, bar, clubbing, mild partying, etc. just not all the time.

The last time I traveled I pretty much spent as much time in my room as I could. Mostly playing Heroes of the Storm and Final Fantasy XIV. Playing HotS was the best part of the trip actually.

To answer the question, I've never really looked for a girlfriend. The two girlfriends I've had I met in whatever mmo I was playing at the time. So, you know, you can totally stay in your room, play games all day and still find love!

Well...I don't know. I've never stopped looking for it, and I've found love more than once. BUT I think the real message that is supposed to come out of that saying is to not "appear desperate". If looking for love is your main focus, and you put all of your effort into that rather than enjoying your life at the same time, that's when things can tip the wrong way. It can come across that finding *a* partner is what you want, rather than finding someone with whom there is a mutual attraction and love.

So even if you find someone, they might not think you are interested in *them* so much as interested in the possibility that they might want to date you. There's definitely a distinction, and it's important.

(But, if you approach finding love in rdos style, these things should not matter. I'm talking about the more traditional dating world, and the person for you might not subscribe to this.)

It works only for the attractive girls because a lot of guys go talk to them.

-It doesn't work for average girls.
-It doesn't work for guys, except for celebs maybe.

It can, when I got with my current boyfriend I had kinda stopped really looking, honestly it was because I sort of lost hope of ever getting a genuine relationship. Mostly was sick of meeting guys, developing feelings for them only to have sex a few times and have them drop me for whatever else is out there. So I had given up, didn't even want to try to meet guys but got a messege on OKCupid from my current boyfriend, something about him made it seem worth messaging back and well there you have it like 6 months later still in relationship.


Also though you may not want to hear it, but I think you really need to have a firm discussion with your parents about these cruises and how stressful they are for you and that you don't want to go on them. Unless I am mistaking and you're still a kid then I guess if they bring you along there isn't much you can do about it.

But I got the impression you're an adult living at home....you don't have to just go along with whatever your family does. Might even help you build confidence to go out and about around where you live by yourself without family if you stand up to them and put an end to these horrific cruises they subject you to. I sure as hell would not want to go to something like that no matter how much a family member tried convincing or pressuring me to.

^^^ Checking Okcupid = looking for love, somehow.

If you stop looking then don't expect anybody to find you

all you have then is just pure dumb luck

I got my 1st girlfriend when I wasn't wanting a relationship. I got my 2nd & current girlfriend by making LOTS of post on here about wanting someone.