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Sedaka
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24 Apr 2007, 7:37 pm

To be near/around someone you are REALLY interested in (and they are interested too), though you can't "BE" with them in the near future (i'm talking a few years maybe) for professional reasons...

or

to be far far away from them and thus pretty much obliterate ANY chance of there ever being anything?

this is pretty much what i'm having to decide... can't really give details. though there are many other "professional" reasons i could justify choosing the torture of the first option.
i'm just not sure i could live with the torture of uncertainty from the second choice...

/sigh


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larsenjw92286
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24 Apr 2007, 8:11 pm

I think it's better to be closer to them!


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superunknown
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24 Apr 2007, 8:17 pm

it really depends on these other professional choices
if its something like not taking a better paying job somewhere else so that you could be closer to a woman you MIGHT get with i would say take the job
it would be better for you and whose to say there wont be another woman wherever your getting moved to


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calandale
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24 Apr 2007, 9:02 pm

How soon do you have to make your mind up?



Eclair
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24 Apr 2007, 9:07 pm

No romantic advice from me...I would put your professional options first and hopefully in some way you can continue contact with this person and the relationship will grow despite being apart for a time...

If you put your professional aspirations on hold for someone, it may grow into resentment if the relationship does not blossom.



ZanneMarie
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24 Apr 2007, 9:35 pm

You have another opportunity or you can't date him because you work together? Did something happen? Has he shown interest? What's up?



Sedaka
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24 Apr 2007, 9:59 pm

calandale wrote:
How soon do you have to make your mind up?


pretty soon lol


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Sedaka
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24 Apr 2007, 10:07 pm

ZanneMarie wrote:
You have another opportunity or you can't date him because you work together? Did something happen? Has he shown interest? What's up?


well... i'm not really gonna get into details... but it's more about working together... that kind of stuff...

i dunno... may just go for it... it's professionally lucrative for me... and i've been totally frustrated otherwise for a year now anyway so what's it matter :cry:


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Gamester
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24 Apr 2007, 10:25 pm

without any other information, I cannot give you the advice which you are seeking.


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Sedaka
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24 Apr 2007, 10:51 pm

Gamester wrote:
without any other information, I cannot give you the advice which you are seeking.


well, i can't really say... so...

guess i'm just looking for people's love advice not so much as career advice... cause career-wise... it'd be a good move.


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calandale
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24 Apr 2007, 11:16 pm

It's hard to tell if you can cope with
being near someone in that situation.
That's really something that you have
to figure out for yourself. I've had to
work with someone after an affair, and
while it was weird, it worked out ok, and
we remained friends. The problem is that
I still wanted her, long after it ended. Probably
wouldn't have stayed close afterwards otherwise.

So, I was always hoping that things would resume
(especially after I got dumped by the girl that I was
with), but even so, it didn't really hurt me too much
to be in that state. May have even helped, as I had
a friend who was far more social than I was, and met
others through her.

But, our fling was never something which seemed too
vitally important to her; and I had something more
important when it was proceeding, so the circumstances
are different. Still, without being certain that you CAN'T
handle it, I wouldn't turn down a good opportunity.

Just try and accept that there is never going to be anything
between the two of you again, no matter what.



ikambokem
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25 Apr 2007, 2:01 am

I'm not going to pretend like I'm an expert on this sort of thing, but if yoy are 100% certain there is no chance you can be with them in the future then no matter what you decide to do will produce the same outcome, so the question is which do you feel comfortable doing? Perhaps you cannot be romantically involved for professional reasons, but you can certainly be friends, and if that is the case then why not spend some time with this person? As an aspie, however, I can understand why it is easy to simply not spend the time with them and just completely forget about it, i've made the same mistake a number of times in the past. I just stopped talking to girls who were interested in me because i couldn't bare the strain of interacting in the complex social framework that makes up modern relationships. In retrospect, however, i wish I hadn't stop talking, and I wish I had spent that time. We aren't going to live forever, so if its just you and some other person also trying to get by i the world, why not spend time with them and see what happens?