Has anybody met a friend in a religious setting?

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kraftiekortie
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20 Mar 2016, 8:38 am

I just realized something: if you believe in religion, church socials are GREAT places to meet people.

If you go to a relatively liberal, nondenominational church, you can have great conversations during Bible study.

It's similar in some synagogues and maybe even some mosques.

I'm an Atheist, and wouldn't suggest this for Atheists.

Has anybody ever met a friend, of have had substantive conversations, within a primarily religious setting?



TheAP
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20 Mar 2016, 11:41 am

I've met some people and had some good conversations at youth group.



nick007
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20 Mar 2016, 8:01 pm

I went to a Catholic high-school & had some good conversations with friends when we had church but I'm a Secular Humanist.


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SpaceAgeBushRanger
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20 Mar 2016, 11:55 pm

I'm atheist, but even if I were a full-on Christian I'd feel it was wrong to attend churches to meet girls. The whole point of going to churches is to do religious stuff, not meet women. But I don't care if that's how religious people act in their holy places, I'd just feel uncomfortable.

Although all bets would be off at an atheist church!



Edenthiel
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21 Mar 2016, 12:22 am

My spouse and I met and became friends in a religious setting - specifically a small, conservative Christian college. They were and still are not only a friend but my best friend, as well as the love of my life. We had so much in common, or that meshed well in our personalities, odd quirks, introvert needs and of course, our atheism + need to graduate. And we had many, many substantive conversations. Along with some downright silly, superficial and perhaps a bit irreverent and bitingly cynical or sarcastic ones, too. Decades later we're still going strong, so yes, you can meet a friend in a religious setting.


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Raleigh
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21 Mar 2016, 1:27 am

I met my current best friend at a funeral.
Does that count?


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Edenthiel
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21 Mar 2016, 2:17 am

Was it a religious funeral?


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Raleigh
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21 Mar 2016, 2:28 am

^ It wasn't at a church but they read from the bible a few times during the service.
Does that count? :lol:


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rdos
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21 Mar 2016, 2:28 am

Certainly. If you're not an atheist, I'd say this is a far better place to meet girls than bars and clubs. First, it seems like there often are more girls than guys in this environment. Second, you'd know they would be serious and not just after casual sex or a one-night-stand. Third, if they are serious about their religion, they would also be serious in a relationship and view "marriage for life", something that seems quite unusual today.



nerdygirl
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21 Mar 2016, 5:32 am

My closest friends growing up, boys or girls, were kids I met at church. They were nicer to me than the kids at school, for the most part. I did have a few friends from school, too, but only when our interest in music linked us together.

Church provided some structured interaction with other kids (Sunday school/youth group) and also provided a group with whom I shared some interests. I didn't gel with *all* the kids from church, but church allowed me to get to know some kids in a safe setting. Most kids from church were not mean, so it was a lot safer than school.

I think it is easier for kids to meet other kids at church. Adults may have a harder time because so many people are already paired-off. Certain churches seem to have a larger percentage of single adults than others.

If someone's main purpose of going to church is to meet a possible boyfriend or girlfriend, that person may be disappointed. I wouldn't make that the main goal. But it still is a good place to make friends in general and to have a safe place to learn and practice social skills.

I know MANY, MANY autistic people in my area (diagnosed, too, not just suspicions) and most of them attend churches in my area. Many of the churches here are very open and friendly to autistic people. They are just not the "cool, hip" churches.

Kraftie, you'd be surprised, I think...great discussion and conversation can happen at conservative churches too! AND, it is more likely that the conservative churches are more friendly toward autistics because they are less likely to have the light and sound show that could be overstimulating or the social club set-up which would put someone with less-developed social skills at a disadvantage.



Noura4eva
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21 Mar 2016, 5:42 am

I met my husband in a chat room but it was our religion that gelled us together, as we followed the same path in life, although sometimes we do disagree on some things, it's a shared interest.



Edenthiel
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21 Mar 2016, 1:31 pm

rdos wrote:
Certainly. If you're not an atheist, I'd say this is a far better place to meet girls than bars and clubs. First, it seems like there often are more girls than guys in this environment. Second, you'd know they would be serious and not just after casual sex or a one-night-stand. Third, if they are serious about their religion, they would also be serious in a relationship and view "marriage for life", something that seems quite unusual today.

I would think that all depends on the specific religion and denomination, as some religions are quite sex-positive instead of repressive.


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dcj123
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21 Mar 2016, 1:46 pm

I have no close friends and I like it that way but I met someone who is good with computers like me at my last church, still text him every now and than. The only other friend I have was someone I met in College. Honestly I have been isolating a lot lately and I love it, a good day is day when no one calls or texts me. Friends are over rated and no one actually cares about you so keep that mind.

I don't trust people, they probably want something from you, even those from church. I find the solution is to look at people the way they view you. Instead of viewing people as nice, warm, loving people; view them like a chess piece. I'll do for you what you do for me, I don't mind being used cause usually I am using you too. I don't care if I don't get anything out of it, I am not friends with anyone for the hell of it.

Sound cold? Well just know the world made me the way I am.



kraftiekortie
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21 Mar 2016, 1:49 pm

Yep, Raleigh....it counts! :D



DevilKisses
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21 Mar 2016, 5:10 pm

No, but I haven't really given religious stuff a chance. For a few years my family used to be active Baha'is, but I never got into it.


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Edenthiel
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21 Mar 2016, 5:59 pm

dcj123 wrote:
I have no close friends and I like it that way but I met someone who is good with computers like me at my last church, still text him every now and than. The only other friend I have was someone I met in College. Honestly I have been isolating a lot lately and I love it, a good day is day when no one calls or texts me. Friends are over rated and no one actually cares about you so keep that mind.

I don't trust people, they probably want something from you, even those from church. I find the solution is to look at people the way they view you. Instead of viewing people as nice, warm, loving people; view them like a chess piece. I'll do for you what you do for me, I don't mind being used cause usually I am using you too. I don't care if I don't get anything out of it, I am not friends with anyone for the hell of it.

Sound cold? Well just know the world made me the way I am.

What if all someone wants from you is to chat about computers? That actually sounds pleasant to me.

Your comment reminded me of an observation: people on the spectrum have a really difficult time understanding or identifying the various *layers* or depths of relationships, myself included. Apparently many NT people determine "friendship" based on any number of things. Could be trust based on a single important incident, could be trust based on length of friendship, could be membership in some group, could be a common interest, could even be how much they *want* that person to be their friend, or if there might be a mutually beneficial practical use of each other - or any one or more of countless other things. And it seems that each person gives each of these a weight to arrive a some threshold past which someone is considered their "friend". To make it more frustrating, not only are those weights and thresholds different between people, but they seem to vary within the same person. So far, it all makes sense to me and I can work with that as a system. Where I get confounded is that somehow they seem to be able to silently communicate with each other and sync up their values.


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