One thing I noticed on Dating Websites

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jimmy m
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31 Jul 2018, 8:34 am

There is one thing that struck me as strange on dating websites. One of the most cited qualities that a girl/woman desires in a man is "a good sense of humor".

Now in general, one of the traits exhibited by Aspies is "a lack of humor". It is almost a keyword in weeding out the Aspies from pool of acceptable candidates.


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Twilightprincess
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31 Jul 2018, 8:37 am

Aspies often have a good sense of humor.

I have one for sure, but it’s a bit on the quirky side and not for everyone.



Fnord
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31 Jul 2018, 8:40 am

jimmy m wrote:
There is one thing that struck me as strange on dating websites. One of the most cited qualities that a girl/woman desires in a man is "a good sense of humor".
This is so that when you meet her for the first time, and you see that she is nothing like the pictures she's been posting, you will be more likely to laugh at the "joke" she's played on you instead of getting angry at her for lying. Many people seem to try to excuse their lies in a relationship with "I was only joking" -- thus, "a good sense of humor" is essential for those who are seeking a relationship.
jimmy m wrote:
Now in general, one of the traits exhibited by Aspies is "a lack of humor". It is almost a keyword in weeding out the Aspies from pool of acceptable candidates.
Oh, I have a good sense of humor, alright; it's just that most jokes aren't all that funny.


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Tim_Tex
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31 Jul 2018, 8:45 am

I am mostly into sexual and toilet humor. Where I live, that practically makes me the spawn of Satan.


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jimmy m
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31 Jul 2018, 9:02 am

"A lack of a sense of humor" is one of the traits that is cited for Aspies. Not that I agree with their conclusion. It is an NT perception of us.

I have developed a quirky sense of humor. My family complains that I lack humor but that is simply untrue. The main reason is that humor is very dangerous. Humor can be weaponized. Let me give you an example.

One day when I was in the hallway of my 6th grade school, I was surrounded by a group of boys. They asked me what my nationality was. I sensed danger and said nothing. They looked at me. I was small and had large ears. They decided I was Japanese. I said nothing.

For the next three years, I was told every Japanese joke ever invented. Whenever they threw a joke my way, I maintained a stone cold face. That was a little hard to do sometimes because I wasn’t Japanese and a few of the jokes were actually a little funny. But if I showed any emotion, the jig was up.

[I am almost 70.] To this day, if they are still alive, I wonder if they remember the little Japanese boy that went to their school. And I am still chuckling deep inside. That is my quirky sense of humor.

Now if I were Japanese, every one of their jokes would have been a dagger to the heart. And it also made me somewhat immune to any other criticisms they leveled in my direction. If they called me stupid, an idiot, a klutz, an imbecile; I knew deep inside I really wasn’t because I was pulling the wool right over their eyes and they didn’t even realize it. This almost made me bulletproof from psychological abuse.


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kraftiekortie
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31 Jul 2018, 9:28 am

As you've noticed here, Aspies (and classical autistic people) frequently happen to have a robust sense of humor.



fluffysaurus
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31 Jul 2018, 9:58 am

For 'a good sense of humour' read 'the same sense of humour'.

There are lots of different types of humour so NTs are not one agreeing group but divided into lots of subgroups. I think this makes it easier for us rather than harder.



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31 Jul 2018, 10:03 am

Okay, try this one...

Two penguins are sitting on top of a fencepost, somewhere in the Antarctic. Suddenly, one of them dies and falls off the post. The other one looks into the sky and says, "Radio!"

:lol: :lol: :lol:


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kraftiekortie
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31 Jul 2018, 10:50 am

That's a sort of a variation on the "No Soap Radio" sort of joke, which my brother tortured me with when I was a kid.

It's meant to be nonsensical.

Like: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

answer: "No soap radio!"



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 31 Jul 2018, 10:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

The_Face_of_Boo
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31 Jul 2018, 10:52 am

Honestly I noticed that the majority of them are a hive mind.



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31 Jul 2018, 11:01 am

I thought the surviving penguin was radioing Heaven, because there was a soul on the way. Or maybe the radio worked by exchanging souls.


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kraftiekortie
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31 Jul 2018, 11:12 am

In the old days, people used to make “no soap radio” jokes to deliberately befuddled the naive (i.e. those like me as a kid who couldn’t get jokes).

They were totally nonsensical, and never were intended to make any sense.



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31 Jul 2018, 12:05 pm

I was naïve enough for many years to believe people made ever more complex and profound jokes as they gained life experiences and general knowledge, and kept honing all sorts of mental skills far beyond my imagination. For all I knew, they might make jokes that required you to solve contrived mathematical problems in your head, and find them really funny.

After all, they made jokes about sex, a topic that didn't seem to warrant such attention for practical reasons, because it's not like it was a part of our lives, or would become one anytime soon, was it?


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fluffysaurus
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31 Jul 2018, 1:52 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Honestly I noticed that the majority of them are a hive mind.
Do you mean it's something everyone puts on because everyone else puts it on? I think that's very likely.

I don't find men any less hive minded that women on anything important. I guess it's all evolution/survival of the species stuff.



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31 Jul 2018, 1:57 pm

jimmy m wrote:
There is one thing that struck me as strange on dating websites. One of the most cited qualities that a girl/woman desires in a man is "a good sense of humor".
Yeah, I think a lot of people say stuff like that but there is no actual definition of what a good sense of humor is since obviously different people find completely different things funny. I think the reason Aspies are listed as usually not having a good sense of humor is because of the likelihood that they find something else funny than most people, and like Kraftie mentioned, maybe the literal thinking aspect might make them miss jokes. Also even if jokes aren't funny, you are expected to pick up on the subliminal cue that it was a joke and laugh anyways, since Aspies don't naturally posses body language understanding, they may fail to pick that up, I guess.


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fluffysaurus
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31 Jul 2018, 2:00 pm

^That's a really good point. I only laugh if it's funny.