I think he's into me, but things are a little confusing

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CluelesslyInLove
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Joined: 12 Apr 2016
Age: 54
Gender: Female
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12 Apr 2016, 2:28 am

Hi,

I'm going to try to make this as brief as possible, to save ya'll from the long version. But, am happy to post more details if asked...

There is a guy I have been interested in for about a year and a half, and am now really falling for him. He knows I am interested in him, a couple of people have discussed it with him, and he has expressed to one of these people that he really likes me, but that he is also really socially awkward. He even went out with us for my birthday last year, and we went on what was basically a double date a few weeks later--nothing happened, besides fun--but then he got spooked when that same couple backed out of our bowling plans a few weeks later, and the guy suggested he and I should go out alone, finally. He messaged saying he could only be my friend, This was about a year ago. I am not positive he has Asperger's, but a co-worker (we used to work together, that is how we met), who has a son with Asperger's, one day said she thinks he does as well, so I began to read up, though I have had many experiences with people with Asperger's and Autism. With the reading I have done I feel pretty sure our guess is correct.

So, a few more details about where we are at. After he said we could only be friends, I backed off a little, despite friends and co-workers saying they think he is in love with me by how he has been watching me, and smiling when I talk. I dated a couple of other people, both failed. And, when it came down to it I had to admit I had never gotten over him, especially when it seemed like things might have a chance to work out because we were talking a lot more and having discussions about more personal things. Anyway, he got a new job a little over a week ago. We have talked almost non-stop since his last day, and discussed going bowling soon, playing Dungeons and Dragons, a few concerts we'd like to go to, and him helping me pick out a new computer and then teaching me how to play FF XIV. But now, I haven't heard back from him since Saturday morning...

I just want to understand better how his mind is processing things. And try to handle things in a way that makes him comfortable. I really like him, he has the best heart and soul of any guy I have ever known, and he treats me so well. I don't mind his quirks, I have a lot of quirks myself. I am totally okay with him having Asperger's, if he does. I just feel a little lost. He treats me better than any guy I have every been interested in, but here we are a year and a half later and I still don't know if he will ever manage to move things past this point.

Any comments, questions, etc. are welcomed and appreciated. I can change my approach if it will make more sense to him, but I don't want to scare him off, and I think he has maybe never had a girlfriend in his 29 years.

Thanks! And sorry this is so long...

-v :?



ZD
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12 Apr 2016, 7:40 am

He might not have had a girlfriend a lot on here like that.

It might be worth trying to find out why he wanted to be friends? You obviously are getting on ok I wouldn't worry about the lack of communication something is probably distracting him. (Especially if he plays MMO's). But he has just changed job that might be on his mind a lot and that's pushed you out of his head temporarily.


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kraftiekortie
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12 Apr 2016, 7:46 am

I'm sorry for the confusion.

He might be into you---but he might fear rejection once you start seeing each other.

Or he might fear the obligations of a relationship--he might want to do his own thing, without feeling beholden to someone else.

I guess what I would do: propose that you do things together, but without the implication of romance.

Let him make the first move.