Fighting off self doubt before a date?

Post Reply New Topic

I notice that I often have constant thoughts of self doubt, although I don't fear being rejected? Could it be that I actually fear commitment and that I'm subconsciously self-sabotaging myself? I know my self worth and I have confidence, yet sometimes I will feel strange and different from usual when I know I will be meeting up alone with a woman later in the day?

I usually drink a couple espresso shots or beers before the date to loosen up, but it doesn't always work.

Does anyone on here experience this and how do you deal with it?

Do you feel the same way when you have a job interview? A date is like a relationship interview. It's normal to be a bit nervous.

^And that's exactly what's wrong with dating with people you barely know (ie. dating sites).

Most relationships happen through friendship/work place, so people date each other to have fun, to bond, and not to ask a series questions like in an interview because they already like each other and know each other fairly well.

It is nothing like that. The nervousness is a lot more intense. I'm actually barely nervous before job interviews.

The thing is everybody is a stranger the first time you meet them. The advantage of dating sites is that at least you know something about them before you meet them (unless they lie on their profiles, in which case you'll discover that pretty quickly) and secondly at least you both have an understanding about why you're meeting each other. You know from the outset that you're hoping to get a girlfriend/boyfriend out of it and you don't have to go through a stage of social subterfuge like NT's often do and pretend to want to be friends to see if the BF/GF material because you both know from the outset that you're looking for a partner. The third advantage is that you get to meet potential mates outside of your own social circle that you wouldn't meet otherwise, thereby increasing your chances of finding someone you like and you have a lot more available options (which can also be disadvantage because it can tempt you and others reject people too easily but I won't get into that now).

Being nervous is not such a big deal actually, you can get over it after 5 minutes of talking to the other person on the first date.

I'd say well done though for being able to set up dates in the first place. My anxiety stops me getting that far.

How do you feel on the date? Does the anxiety dissipate?

I find it hard to be forward enough to ask for a date. I'm used to being ony own. That date would be a change for me. That feels serious, more serious than it should be. Even if he says no, something still changes. I initiated something serious.

The thing is everybody is a stranger the first time you meet them. The advantage of dating sites is that at least you know something about them before you meet them (unless they lie on their profiles, in which case you'll discover that pretty quickly) and secondly at least you both have an understanding about why you're meeting each other. You know from the outset that you're hoping to get a girlfriend/boyfriend out of it and you don't have to go through a stage of social subterfuge like NT's often do and pretend to want to be friends to see if the BF/GF material because you both know from the outset that you're looking for a partner. The third advantage is that you get to meet potential mates outside of your own social circle that you wouldn't meet otherwise, thereby increasing your chances of finding someone you like and you have a lot more available options (which can also be disadvantage because it can tempt you and others reject people too easily but I won't get into that now).

Being nervous is not such a big deal actually, you can get over it after 5 minutes of talking to the other person on the first date.[/quote]

One disadvatage ruins all this for you: There are other 1000 guys wanting your date too.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 16 Apr 2016, 9:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

It's normal imo.