Clubbing - I Just Can't Win With It

Post Reply New Topic

I do enjoy clubbing, but I don't often get the opportunity to go, as most of the friendships I have with people are feeble and underdeveloped, so I don't get invited unless there's a pretty large group going. Even with those few close friends I do have who go clubbing, they don't invite me when they go. I'm guessing that's following a particularly bad night in which I got drunk at one of their places (since then I've learned to regulate my drinking but I guess that's besides the point).

Anyway, last night I went clubbing, and like I said, I enjoy drinking and letting loose. I was having a pretty good time too until I was abruptly reminded of the fact that at clubs, people make out with each other like it's nothing, whilst I have never made out with someone in my life. For me, this reality is very depressing, so when I see people feeling each other up right in front of me, I get heavily depressed and it ruins my night. Basically if I can't participate, being reminded that the vast majority of others can puts me in the throws of severe feelings of inferiority and frustration.

I know I can hardly expect people to withhold intimacy for my benefit. That would be silly. But nonetheless, other people's intimacy surface my dismal depression about not being able to experience what the vast majority of people my age take for granted, or at least enjoy. So for the last 24 hours, I've pretty much either been sleeping, wallowing in my aforementioned feelings, or trying to distract myself from them.

I wish I could enjoy my nights out as much as the people I'm with do, but I can't see that happening unless I am able to either exempt myself from witnessing others snogging, or even better, experience it for myself. Unfortunately, neither of these seem particularly likely, so my only other option is to stay home and not go to these clubs, but then the problem is that I will again feel inferior, but this time, because pretty much everyone else I know can go out clubbing and have a good time, but I am unable to. I don't get to have fun like they do.

Before you ask, I have tried to get with some of these girls before, but most of the time, they're not very receptive, so I'm hardly going to keep pestering them. I have managed to dance with a few girls before, but the dancing doesn't last long before they shove me off and go dance with another guy.

Basically, I can't see a scenario in which I don't end up feeling like crap. If you can, or if you have any constructive and viable advice to give, I would really appreciate it.

Ah, if only I was 18 and actually living closer to Brisbane like I've wanted to.

At best where I currently am I could probably visit rarely for long weekends and that's usually when I do go.

Last time I went was during the school holidays (for my younger siblings, not me as I'm graduated) and stayed with family in Logan.

Didn't end up swimming at Southbank because too full.

Anyway, so you don't enjoy going clubbing alone?

Good, because thing is, I don't like going out alone either - there's really not much fun at all to be had alone anywhere and you know this feeling all too well, whether it be nightclubs, bars, or things like cinema and movies.

At least you live in a city, rather than a small town, where the only thing to do alone and enjoy would probably have to be...well, nothing, aside from typical errands and/or maintaining the farm.

Only thing I think I could do completely solo and enjoy is swimming - I enjoy practicing swimming (not just fooling around but actually trying to teach myself to be good at it and fast) so even if I was with others I'd mostly keep to myself/be focused on my training.

There's a few questions I have for you G.I.:

1. How do you fair when it comes to approaching women when you're alone? Is it significantly harder? Is this part of the reason you enjoy having mates with you?

2. Why are your friendships 'under-developed'? You did mention getting into a negative event due to being too drunk, but are you saying you don't know your friends well-enough, you've possibly ruined/damaged your friendships (hopefully temporarily), or both? Is there any reason you can't get to know them better, or have you been making the effort and it's they who don't seem interested anymore (I can relate )?

While I despise using the word, perhaps you do need a 'wingman' - one with good social skills who can help you, or at least equal social skills and confidence so you can both co-operate in your pursuit of women. Did your male friends serve this role, and did they mostly just leave things up to yourself?

Just being honest, like I've said in past posts I am wanting to organize the Brisbane meetup because you and the one other user I know who lives in Brissy both genuinely seem like alright people.

Interestingly enough we all share the same struggles with women and extreme loneliness and are wanting to find ways to get relationships.