Is my partner helping me or insecure?

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So I've been mulling this over for some time. I get the feeling that my wife is doing things not in my best interest and out of insecurity. I feel that she wants to push me away from my parents to "cut the umbilical cord." I also feel like she doesn't want me to look good in case someone else shows interest and leads me away from our marriage.

For example, she constantly says that she prefers my appearance when I'm heavier(ei:overweight) with shaggy hair instead of when I was fit and with shorter hair. Whenever I get a haircut, people at work notice immediately and will typically say things like "Oh, you finally got a haircut!", suggesting that it was long overdue.
I feel much better about my appearance when I'm in shape and have clean, short hair, but my wife is the complete opposite.

Also, my wife has been encouraging me to respect myself with regards to my parents. They would often come late to meetings with us and I would have to adjust my own schedule to accommodate them being late, such as going to work late or changing plans.
Recently, for my birthday, they were over an hour late to a restaurant that my wife had made reservations for. Their presence at the restaurant was supposed to be a surprise but it didn't end up that way. Once they showed up I only got to see them for 30 minutes as I had to leave for work. They apologized and said that they were late because the road they used to go to the restaurant was blocked off(this was true as we also had to find another way around in a rural area). I believed their explanation was genuine at the time since they don't live in my area and aren't the best with directions, it seems totally plausible...
On our last meeting, we were going to a restaurant near our house for breakfast for 9AM. About 20 minutes before 9AM, my mom called to say they were going to be late. I asked what time they thought they would get there and asked if they were going to be there closer to 9:30. My mom said they would probably get there closer to that time.

When I informed my wife, she became very upset as it was her that organized the breakfast and said that she didn't want to go anymore. This caused me some distress as I still wanted to go and tried to reason that they at least called this time. While we were arguing, my mom called(I didn't answer) and left a message at 9:07AM saying they had arrived. Despite this, we continued to argue over how they were/weren't disrespectful to us. I was of the opinion that my wife was being unreasonable that that we were the ones that were being rude. We ended up going eventually, but we arrived at 10AM.

Am I missing something? I'm finding it harder to trust her on these things and its pushing me away. But I don't know if its just my blindness to the reality of the actual situations. Any advice would be appreciated.

I dunno. You should ask her, instead.

I don't see what there is to not trust, you don't have to listen to her advice or input afterall with your own parents. The last event really sucks, she was being petulant and it sounded like someone pissed in her cornflakes that morning. Unless stuff like that is a regular thing in which case she's got a chip oh her shoulder that needs to be looked after. The birthday dinner makes sense for her to be upset because it was a sh***y outcome, although of course your parents had a good reason too. Blame laying helps no situation. Sounds like most of this is being blown out of proportion. Some people have a really hard time being on time with anything, maybe your parents are those people and because of that maybe you should always tell them a time 15 minutes before the right time?

It seems like she is personally offended that they are late to the events she plans but my aspie logic says ... if they are always late, pad your schedule for that too .
But wanting you overweight and scruffy. Dude that can affect promotion in most indoor jobs, not just make you more attractive. Fair or not, if a person is perceived attractive they get more leeway.
Being supportive and not getting mean over gain is one thing. Preferring you plump if that is not your original look is a bit weird.


My guy is a family guy. And I know that I'll always have some static from his mom for at least first year of our marriage maybe a couple years. She now goes in to hysterics anytime our relationship happens to be in discussion *sigh* . But they are close nuclear family. His being a good son is an attractive quality that is me to be a hypocrite to want to change later. He is not like a momma's baby boy or something. But he does assist his parents often. I already have put this in the backdrop of our life plans. I realize she is used to leaning on him instead of his father whom she has stiff relations with because "stuff". His father counts on his clever solution finding;, multi lingual abilities and availability to help in the family business. His sisters are used to him in charge since they were little for "reasons".

As long as your mate stands up for you and doesn't totally dismiss you, you should realize you marry , you gain extended relatives. One example alone would be grey , combined? I'll put a marker on insecure and give it a spin. You should talk about it, but if you are the aspie you might get a critical hit and no save in the using proper approach >_< . If she flips a pancake , couples counseling may loom in future.

There is no way to tell if she is being completely sincere about preferring you to be overweight or not. You need to do what is best for you, and what you feel best about. If being overweight makes you feel bad, then unless your wife says that is a deal-breaker, you should shoot for the weight that makes you happy. As mentioned earlier, there are definite financial benefits to looking attractive.

On the other hand, your parents sound like flakes. The road detour might be a legit issue, but you are painting a picture where your parents are consistently disrespecting you and your time (especially because they have made you late for work). There is a good chance that they think there is no big issue. You should sit down with them and have a talk about the negative impact their chronic lateness, unless you are relying upon them for some kind of major support (financial or otherwise) and don't want to risk upsetting them.

I would be frustrated just like your wife.