How to show interest in sex without seeming needy or creepy?

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I have a person I am beginning to become friends with and I don't know if he'd be interested in having sex with me or not--nothing points it solidly toward one way or the other. I'm VERY attracted to this person and in addition to being friends I would also like to try having sex with this person...the thing is that this person is a bit older than me, to the point where if HE made any obvious sexual advances he might come off as a big creep--although he did seek me out at the beginning of our friendship. I'm too Autistic to see if there are any subtle signs either way.

I DON'T want to try to ask for sex before we're actually alone together, because even if the person is interested, I've found that the sex almost never happens when people ask under those circumstances, especially if I come off as needy. I also don't want to ask unless I know there's a good chance that the person would be interested, because otherwise it might creep him out.

I think I need to find some way to show enough interest in the person that he'd know to show ME some interest if he does want to have sex...but I don't know how to flirt, and to make matters worse, he might or might not be a little bit Autistic as well, enough that if I'm too subtle he might not get it. But if I'm too obvious, I could come across as needy, which could be a turnoff. I already have enough problems with people thinking they're going to be interested in me at first and then getting to know me better and realizing they're not. I don't want this to ruin my chances of having sex with someone I'm insanely attracted to, if there are chances there! Any advice?

Edit: My usual tactic is to invite the person to hang out one on one in a private place and have some excuse to be there...after that, I can usually figure out by the person's scent whether it's willing to have sex or not. Unfortunately, I think this person is too busy for my normal excuses I use to get people alone with me.

Massage him.

Are you the gender and orientation he prefers?
If so, just hang out in private and flirt with him.

Hug him (then wait for him to hug you back or not).

Are you a woman, a man, or some other gender?

If you're a woman, it's probably harder to be the aggressor sexually.

If you like cooking, maybe make him a nice dinner. Dress in some nice clothes. Play some music that you know he likes. Then, if he still doesn't get the message, take his hand while you're sitting together, and kiss it.

If you don't like cooking, just invite him over, have some take-out, then take his hand and kiss it.

Is it platonic or romantic relationship?

In my culture, you would ask, "Do you want to f**k?"

And the other person would answer either "Nah." or "Alright".

Why are things so complicated now?

LOL....I'm not a modest man by any means....but I can't bring myself to ask a woman: Do you want to f**k? I would feel the sting of the slap on the face even before the slap!

^ What if she said yes?

Now....that would be something!!

I just don't have that courage! LOL

Alright, let's go. I don't know if you're a guy or girl. I'm going to give the advice so both could profit.

Usually men can ''start with his moves'' or demonstrate mutual interest as soon as the girl starts showing physical interest (Touching, hugging, bumping into him, light touches on the elbow, excessive eye contact). Here's the thing. If you're a girl, your role is to give him clues. Do one of these things, or do them all. Men who've got it tend to take the chance when they perceive those actions from a girl. They usually mirror what girls do regarding touches that lead to making out, sex, etc. THAT MEANS if you touch him, so it's okay for him to touch you, if you hug him, it's okay for him to hug you. If you're the girl, show it's okay to touch. If you're the guy, return touches.

IT ALL HAS TO HAVE CONTEXT. Don't just say ''Hey, I'd really like having sex with you'', that could startle unprepared, unexperienced or shy people and put pressure on them. Sex, for most people is something natural that comes as a consequence of having fun and being comfortable with that person you find attractive. Make up something fun, ANYTHING CAN BE FUN. Seriously, even taking weird photos, trying to make sushi, learning to bake carrot cake, reading poetry, singing karaoke, even sharing favorite songs and doing a lip sync battle. Be creative, anything HE or SHE is doing with you, they're not doing it 'cause they like sushi, they're doing it because you are there with them. (Not movies, though, YOU have to be the center of their attention, not a dumb movie).

NOW THE AGE OLD QUESTION ...! *Building up tension*
How do you know they're ready to be kissed? Well, if you've talked about many things they like and made them talk about their passions, that means you're attractive to them. Ask them questions about their passions. Know what is their deepest passions in life, the things they love to do and can't live without and ask about them. (What is it?, how did you get into it?, why do you like it?, when did you start?). WHO DOESN'T LIKE TALKING ABOUT THEMSELVES?

Let them talk for some minutes, maybe 5, 10, 15, maybe half an hour, it really depends. Keep them talking by asking questions about them. Remember, if you're attracted to them, you should want to know more about them to get some understanding of why they're so attractive to you. While they talk, you're going to watch their eyes, their lips, eyes again, and then lips, for about 5 seconds, switching every 1 second or so, if they do the same thing BAM! Lean forward and go for the kiss. If they don't, just keep the conversation and try that later. Although there is chance of that not being a genuine sign of interest, it's TINY.

PS: It's good to be alone with them. Lots of people around might not be good for such an intimate act such as kissing.

I myself watch people's lips all the time because sometimes people's voices get mixed to the background noise and I stop understanding them. Reading lips can help me conquer that.

To scalate that to sex just make out a bit and back away a bit so THEY can lean forward for more or you can come back a few moments later, caress them (hands, arms, hips, neck, hair) and watch for their reaction. If they somehow deny it, go slow, let them know you appreciate them and ask later if it's okay to touch now. If they are really into it... ASK. Yeah, ask. Now it's good to ask, not the raw question, but really tender ones. ''Wanna go to the bedroom?'' kind of question. Don't be surprised if they say 'no'. It's okay, just ackowledge their feelings and keep enjoying the moment. Moments later, you can ask again. And if they accept and you're nervous, tell them. Let them know. If you're not at home, tell them you'd love to cook dinner together and go back to your place.

Always use protection. And remember, THEY COULD BE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD. with ANYBODY THEY WANTED, but they are just there, by YOUR SIDE. Think of it. Someone's choosing your company over anyone else's at that moment. You, too, could be anywhere else, but you're with them. Just have fun and it will be worth it. When sex happens, ask tenderly how does he/she feel about what you're doing, give them advice to improve and tell them if it feels good so they continue. If it doesn't happen, give them time. It's still fun to spend time with someone you really like.

Consent is the door. Communication is the key to open it.

Peacefully,
Dante.

Last edited by Dreadful Dante on 19 Jun 2016, 12:58 pm, edited 3 times in total.

If the OP is a woman, there are all kinds of flirty behaviors that she could display that would get any man's attention.

If the OP is a man, however, the situation becomes a little more delicate. A man displaying female flirty behavior man be a turn-off to the object of his affection, and may even provoke an attack.

This.

I unfortunately think gender was left ambiguously out of the picture for this advice topic, because the OP wants us to support them over what the person they want to sleep with might actually be attracted to. We can't advise sensibly if we don't know what the person in question's orientation and/or preference is, and equally if we don't know what the OP identifies as.

I sense that the OP is a male.

It is pretty rare for a woman to be seen as being "creepy" to a guy.

i would just take his hand and hold it. that's rather non-threatening. if he pulls away, you have your answer and minimal damage. if he seems to like it, go ahead and hug. Might want to ask first about the hug. i have a sister that doesn't like hugs and i only like them from certain people. if that's accepted, kiss him. be prepared to stop at any point if he gets uncomfortable.

The OP has, in another thread, mentioned having a female body, but not being female.