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shine_on
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16 May 2016, 4:31 am

My AS boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for 9 months. We get on very well and care about each other very much. He introduces me to everyone as his partner. I have struggled with the amount of time he spends with me as he spends a lot of time working, and sometimes I feel as though I am a low priority in his life. When we do spend time together it's great. I recently asked him if he'd thought about us living together. He immediately said 'Yes', but added that he didn't think he could live with anyone long-term. He likes company but he also likes living alone. He hasn't lived with an intimate partner before; I have lived with previous partners and while I've been on my own for a few years, living with someone in a relationship seems natural and desirable to me. Apart from the comforts of living with someone, I would like to have a shared life with someone - that is my idea of a partner. I currently stay over at his place once or twice a week. At the moment it's like a committed dating relationship. Do you think it is likely he will change his mind over time and want me to move in? Has anyone felt the same way, overcome their initial fears and been glad they did? Or should I just accept his different needs and decide whether it's enough for me? Thank you for your opinions.



ZD
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16 May 2016, 5:05 am

Well sounds a conflict of interests. But if he has never lived with someone before I can see why he is been hesitant. Why not stay over for longer periods see if he can deal with it? Sounds like he's interested in the idea though so work on it :)


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sly279
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16 May 2016, 12:57 pm

I don't think I'd live with my gf ever after recent things. Most women in my area are picky about money. People say it's because if you lived together one wouldn't be able to contribute as much. Solution don't live together I guess. Not what I want but seems like the thing to do.

Maybe living separate is just the future of relationships.

People already do it, some married couples rent two houses side by side, or have separate bed rooms.

Personally I'd love to live with a gf and cuddle every night. I'm quite odd though.



izzeme
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17 May 2016, 8:57 am

I myself would be hesitant to living together as well.
I want to, but i'm afraid that i will lose the ability to unwind and recharge when there is someone else in my home.

If i were to live together with someone, i'd need my own room with a bed, a safe room.
I know that i will, regularly, need to sleep alone in order to get a full energetic recharge, and i also need to be solitary at times, so the aforementioned room will be a must.
The guestroom won't really do, as that room/bed is used by others at times, i will need my own spot; the best way to describe it would be a "man cave", but for a different kind of man.

perhaps offer him the above option? it is not unlikely that his concerns match mine (although i can obviously be wrong), in which case the promise of a safe place to recharge might be enough for him to try living together.



nick007
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17 May 2016, 9:42 pm

Maybe you can suggest to him that you stay over for a longer period of time but spend abit or a lot of time in separate rooms pursing your own interests. I live with my girlfriend who is also on the spectrum like I am & we have a two bedroom place so I have a room to go in & be on computer while she wants to be left alone in her room so she can do her own stuff.


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Cotton
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19 May 2016, 10:58 am

I wouldn't move in together so soon. I mean 9 months is quite short period.

We have been together about for two years now but still I hesitate to move in together. At least it should be 2 bedroom apartment. Especially he needs room to be alone (he has Asperger's). That's why we still have our own homes. There is no need to rush.