What DOESN'T count as Nice Guy behavior?

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I'm tired of worrying weather or not some kind of action is "Nice Guy TM" behavior or not. Everybody constantly contradicts themselves over this, and I want to know what the definitive non-Nice Guy TM way of doing everything so I no-longer have to constantly make decisions like "should I be brutally honest, or should I pretend to be happy?" Most of the time, I get labeled as a "Nice Guy TM" for things I deliberately did to avoid being labeled as such.

Volunteer for charity work?
Be cordial and polite to people regardless of who they are?
Give money to the homeless?
Help your neighbour carry up groceries?
Get to work early so you can have fresh coffee ready for your colleagues when they show up?
Always carry cough drops in case someone has a sore throat?

... By doing these, you probably wouldn't be at risk of being considered a Nice Guy™...
... You *would* be at risk of being considered a nice guy, though...

[/snark]

Whats wring with being a nice guy. Unless your one of those nice guys who things they are nice when they are not.

The kind who think that because they are nice and friendly to women they deserve to get in their pants.

The guy who feels he is entitled to sex with a woman because he is nice to that woman exhibits "Nice Guy (trademark)" behavior.

If you avoid befriending women you are romantically interested in you probably avoid the label.

I think your soulmate should also be your best friend.

There are no rules. That's the frustrationg thing. If you try, you fail. If you don't try, you fail.

I have no idea how other people manage to find other people who want to have a relationship with them. No idea.

I think it's falseness that people don't really like and that's what gets someone labeled as a "nice guy". IF they think you have an ulterior motive that you are trying to cover up with nice behaviour that will push people away.

Just be yourself. But, is there a "self"?

If you are yourself as an ND, you will break all kinds of rules, but then if you are not, you'll be single for the rest of your life. But at least you have a choice.

Maybe don't associate with people that will label you as such. I don't associate myself with SJWs and it saves me a lot of headaches.

Wanting to befriend a woman in order to date her is a crime punishable by death to SJWs, but a religion that subjugates womens and kills those who leave it, that's the religion of peace.

Yeah, NTs are strange.

Still, I don't think it is a good idea to befriend a woman just to date her. At least not unless you are fairly certain that she likes you back as more than a friend.

What? It is not about being NTs and not, it's about being SJWs.

Well sometimes people know each other to get more certain about that. Also often love happens between friends.

Seems to be a huge overlap between them.



Never happens to me at least. I don't know how often it happens, but not many married people I know started out as friends.

Also, this is extra disastrous for many NDs that easily gets obsessed. Can easily lead to stalking and all kinds of nasty things.

The typical "Nice Guy" (tm) puts women's needs first, always helps women, avoids confrontation, does chivalrous things, and is proud of it - it's as if he is being "nice" just to be noticed by women.

Sure, women notice. Just keep in mind that "niceness" is what one expects from subservient people, and that "nice" behavior is often seen as arising from being in a vulnerable social or financial position.

In other words, "niceness" is a sign of "weakness", and what woman wants a weak boyfriend? Better for her to find a strong boyfriend and then "weaken" him into being nice to her.

Think about it. What is the essential similarity between a salesperson complimenting a woman's eyes, hair, and choice of clothing and a man doing the exact same thing? They both want the woman to favor them - one with a purchase, and the other with social favor.

Sure, be nice; just not too nice. A guy should simply man up, and show that he can be just as disinterested in her as she is in him, and he should never act desperate or complain that "all women" hate him. People pick up on desperation and hostile/hopeless attitudes right away.

As a straight female "quirky" NT who has had serious relationships with neurodiverse (first one AS, current one OCD), nerdy, non-alpha males - in other words, guys an awful lot like many of the members of this forum - I'll weigh in on this.

The difference between a genuinely nice guy and a fake Nice Guy is, in short, whether or not they remain nice no matter what happens. The real thing approaches the woman of interest with an open mind, does eventually get around to asking the woman in question out, and may be hurt, but will not go on a vengeful rampage, if the answer is no or the relationship one day breaks up. The fake Nice Guys that the Social Justice Warrior community complains about, on the other hand, react to rejection by swearing that all women must like alpha-male A-holes, and will therefore swear to turn themselves into one in order to pursue success with women.

I know that I have never dated a fake Nice Guy, because my ex-boyfriend did not become an alpha male A-hole when I broke up with him, and my current boyfriend did not become an alpha-male A-hole when his first serious girlfriend dumped him or when an unrequited crush of his after that was revealed not to like him back. These men remained decent human beings.

So if you are worried about whether you're a fake Nice Guy (tm) or not, ask yourself that question: if the woman of your dreams rejected you, would you react by assuming that all women must therefore like jerks, and try to become a jerk yourself? If so, you are indeed one of these fake Nice Guys (tm). If you would react instead by finding your favorite way to numb psychological pain while it lasts, moving on with your life, not swearing to seek vengeance or change your personality, and being open to other opportunities and treating potential future partners as unique people who deserve to be treated well until proven unworthy of it, then you are an actual nice guy, and if any Social Justice Warrior mistakes you for the first kind of guy, then they are wrong and they are not ready to date a genuine article who has much to offer like you do.

Good luck!