Gay NT with a crush on a guy that may be an aspie.

Post Reply New Topic

like a lot of gay men my first crush was on a straight friend and I eventually got my heart broken because I couldn't take it for what it really was. after that I didn't allow myself to have crushs, I might think a guy was good looking but avoided any other feelings.

I stayed that way for a couple years, thinking I would just avoid pain until I knew I was ready to really date. but then a new guy started at work. the first time I saw him was on his first day after training on the sales floor at the retail store we work at. I was paged to electronics to help him with a transaction because I'm one of a handful of managers that work at the front of the store. when I saw him I thought "oh great he's really good looking and I have to go stand right next to him". the next day he walked by and said hi to me using my name, I was shocked and mumbled hi back, but wasn't sure he heard me. later that day he walked by so I started talking to him in hopes he didn't think I was a jerk. it turned out well we had a laugh and I found out he was a goofy fun person to talk to. a couple weeks went by and work was normal but I had this new work friend, then out of no where he tells me he has a learning disability and that he enjoys talking to me but I intimidate him because I know so much about my job. I then told him I thought he was catching on fairly fast compared to other new workers, after that he got kinda excited then told me he normally takes longer to learn things then most people. after that I didn't pay much attention to what he said about having a learning disability, but started to notice he seemed to be flirting with me, (or at least what I perceived as flirting). if he walked by me he would say hi to me with voice influx on my name, he started to hug me if he walked by, and sometimes he would come up from behind and lightly grab my arm then whisper hi in my ear. I wasn't sure what to do, but found myself developing a crush on him.

around this time I started to notice things that were a bit off about him, but not in a bad way. he would always tell me he liked working in the phone center because it wasn't as busy as the rest of electronics so he could be more relaxed. then he told me he didn't understand why people had pets, they were just extra work and smell bad sometimes. if I was talking to him and anybody else walked up he would immediately stop talking and walk away. if I walked up to him to talk and he wasn't expecting it he wouldn't say anything to me, he would just smile and stare like he was frozen. one day he had to wear somebody else's work shirt because he wore the wrong one and he kept picking at it, so I asked why and he said it smelled funny and it was bugging him. one day I saw him turn in his keys to a manager, the manager accidently brushed his arm and he panicked and said "ah you touched me". then something I love that he does, if he sees me on a day or at a time he doesn't expect to see me, he will point at me and gasp then his face lights up in this huge grin just because I'm there. he is very aware of time, if its time for him to go he stops what he is doing instantly and runs off.

after about a month I was back in electronics just talking to him and out of no where he says "you have a crush on my don't you. come on I won't laugh just tell me" I completely froze and stared at the ground not knowing what to do. he repeated himself, but again I didn't say anything. me not answering didn't seem to bother him though he changed the subject and we started talking again. then about 5 minutes later he asked again. this time I said "you're right", but I panicked and said it mid sentence when he was talking. I ended up confusing him because he said that doesn't make sense what do you mean. again I panicked and walked off. the next day he told me he wanted to play a game with me and have me guess who he has a crush on. the only hint he gave me was that they were at work today. I guessed a few people but he said no each time. the next day he gave a couple more hints, the only 2 people that fit those hints ended up being me and another manager that's a girl who I had guessed the day before but he said no to. so now I'm panicking again thinking its me, but I told him its the girl even though I guessed her yesterday. to my surprise he said I was right. that shocked me, and it kinda hurt. then he told me whenever she walks by he freezes because he doesn't know what to say to her. then he told me its his turn to guess who I had a crush on. I gave him the same hint he game me first, that the person was working today. then he started listing off everybody he knew extremely fast but never said his own name so I told him no. he got perplexed and said I must like somebody he doesn't know yet. I said he definitely knows them and they are at work today. the next day he asked for another hint, so I told him its not a girl. he said 2 male names then froze. I'm fairly certain that he knew it was him at that point because after that the game was never brought up again.

even after finding that out he would still talk to me just like before, but he started asking me questions on how to spot a gay guy. unfortunately he also told me he had a girl friend but thought she was annoying and wished she would go away sometimes. then he told me he was a mgtow (men going their own way), I looked it up and its some kind of male activist group that thinks white men are being under valued, and that women use them for money to live the life they want. after telling me he was part of it he said he wanted to better himself but he couldn't find anybody to do that with. I wanted nothing to do with mgtow so Ignored him. he never brought it up again, but I couldn't help but wonder if he joined it because he thinks his girlfriend is going to leave him.

after finding out he had a girlfriend, and considered himself a mgtow I was put off. I didn't know what to think, I still had this crush on him, but he was in a relationship and part of this radical group. so I just backed off and decided to be he friend. i ended up finding out he plays the cello, and that he is getting a music education degree. i started asking him about that and he would just start talking and talking completely enjoying himself. in the break room if i was at a table when he walked in he will pull a chair right next to me, sit down, settle in, then just started talking contently to me the entire time. if he couldn't sit next to me because somebody else was there, he would sit directly across from me and stare directly into my eyes then entire time. i also noticed he would stare at me a lot in any situation. then if he was in the break room before me i noticed he always sat by himself in the corner close to the door. then when i would sit at that table he would either get excited and start talking, or be so engrossed in what he was already doing he wouldn't even noticed i was there for quite a while.

a little while later in an attempt to become a friend with him instead of crush on him, i mentioned that i used to play saxophone in high school. he got all excited and said i needed to play with him and friends but i had to transpose because they all play string instruments. i told him i wasn't that good and couldn't do that. he said "that's ok i still love you". i really liked hearing him say that, and again later that day i walked by him and he said again "i love you". at this point i started getting anxious because i had started to accept him as a friend and now he says i love you. the next day to try and clear things up i started asking him about his girlfriend. he showed me a picture on his phone and said I'm 26, shes 30 but looks 18 I'm lucky. then told me she had the "look" he liked. again i was crushed. not to long after that though he mentioned her as his ex, but in the middle of calling her an ex he paused, thought for a second, then rephraised it as current. now whenever I'm around him he tells me he wants to go on a road trip. but he has to buy a viola because his cello is to big, and his girlfriend couldn't fit in his car. so if he buys a viola he doesn't have to break up with her. towards the end of the conversation i mentioned something about hanging out with a group of buddies, he told me he wished he had been there. so i invited him to go next time. he didn't respond, but the next day he asked if i wanted to go out for beers. i said that sounds great but i work til midnight. he just said dang maybe some other time. i didn however get his phone number. i would text him every now and again not wanting to annoy him, but still communicate outside of work. one day he pulled out his phone cause he got a text from his mom. he said he wished she wouldn't text him so much it was annoying and pointed. i looked and she had text him the same thing like 10 times, but he never responded. then he switched to my texts and smiled then told me this is good stuff though. he also told me he likes me a lot. after that he asked me if i had ever watched magic mike, i told him no i havn't seen it yet. he then told me he wished he had a body like channing tatum on the cover. i told him he pretty much already does. he has a wrestlers build, broad shoulders, big traps, big biceps/triceps, big pecs, and a tiny waste, then he has shoulder length hair that's been bleached from dark brown to a light sandy blonde which he puts up in a man bun. anyway he complained he abs aren't as visible as they were 8 years ago. but he still smirked at my comment.

i don't know what to do. my mind tells me, "he likes to be around me, feels comfortable talking to me, and feels flattered that i have a crush on him." but my heart tells me what i want to think "he seems to flirt with me a lot, he tells me he loves me, called his gf an ex, constantly asks me questions about being gay, wants to hang out with me outside of work but finds it hard to fit any time in, tells me he likes that i text him, he asks me to tell him details about my life, and always seems excited to see me." out of the 2 I'm fairly certain my rational mind is correct and he just wants to be friends, but i would appreciate any opinions you guys have.

P.S. sorry this is so long, I've just kept this all in so long i had to vent in an attempt to be less anxious. also i hope i didn't offend anybody with descriptions i just pay attention to detail.