17 Jun 2016, 5:17 pm
I'm curious about this. I wonder what:
1.) It is like for NTs dating- all I know is what people show in movies, and most of my friends I met AFTER they had married or are un-coupled with little to no experience.
And I personally don't have much faith in the idea of "getting into a relationship/marriage".
I know I could have sex (in spades- easier as a female I think) if I wanted to. However, after negotiating sensory issues, boundary issues, and all of that jazz- in comparison to masturbation it just seems WAAAAY too much of an effort (maybe that's crazy i don't know..).
I never wanted kids or a family, but I've up until now always wanted a close partner- someone to "spend the rest of your life with" kind of thing. However, it just seems very very VERY daunting, and I'm just like- well... f**k it. As long as I don't get harassed/raped/can keep a job down/am not homeless that seems good for me.
2.) My question is- is like... I don't know- are romantic relationships THIS DIFFICULT for everyone?? Like in the Entire world ever- or am I just too anti-social or what?? I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I have a job and friends.... I struggle with other things (Eg anything remotely related to executive functioning- like today I remembered to make my lunch so I didn't buy it, but then left it on the table. I then- left, came back, and forgot it again... so I didn't have lunch 
AND was late to work... as an example), but this just seems other worldly like I just don't even know. 
21 Jun 2016, 12:18 am
1.) It is like for NTs dating- all I know is what people show in movies, and most of my friends I met AFTER they had married or are un-coupled with little to no experience.
There are two sides to this. It can be very exciting, wonderful, adventurous, and amazing! Learning about that new person, finding common ground, sharing common interests such as movies, music, gaming, or other things, getting to know that person, holding hands, sharing warm hugs, and intimate moments with them can be priceless, when you are with the right person. However on the other hand, there are some things that can be very frustrating From an NT's perspective, trying to figure out what the guy wants/needs, what to do, how to act, trying to read their emotions/signals, it can be exhausting. So, I can understand your frustrations with it all, also.
And I personally don't have much faith in the idea of "getting into a relationship/marriage".
I know I could have sex (in spades- easier as a female I think) if I wanted to. However, after negotiating sensory issues, boundary issues, and all of that jazz- in comparison to masturbation it just seems WAAAAY too much of an effort (maybe that's crazy i don't know..).
Let me address this one first. Sometimes I sware, sex is overrated. That's strange coming from someone who was once highly sexually active, but I was horribly hurt by it, so I'm not in a huge hurry to jump back into it all again myself, but I'm not afraid of it either. I just think that too much emphasis has been placed on it, to where relationships have been clouded by it. So, when the spark of sex dies down, relationships lose their spark, and sometimes fall apart. In my opinion, one that's not dominated by sex is a lot stronger. I will just put it this way to you, if my partner finds that sex is not for him, then we will be just fine, and will manage. It will not be a deal breaker for me. I am with him for so many other reasons. Secondly, Marriage or relationships aren't bad, when you find the right one, and both of you put effort into it.
I never wanted kids or a family, but I've up until now always wanted a close partner- someone to "spend the rest of your life with" kind of thing. However, it just seems very very VERY daunting, and I'm just like- well... f**k it. As long as I don't get harassed/raped/can keep a job down/am not homeless that seems good for me.
Never sell yourself short or give up. Nothing is impossible. Some people have waiting a long long time for a partner to come along. Sometimes, it takes that right person, but they do exist.
2.) My question is- is like... I don't know- are romantic relationships THIS DIFFICULT for everyone?? Like in the Entire world ever- or am I just too anti-social or what?? I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I have a job and friends.... I struggle with other things (Eg anything remotely related to executive functioning- like today I remembered to make my lunch so I didn't buy it, but then left it on the table. I then- left, came back, and forgot it again... so I didn't have lunch
AND was late to work... as an example), but this just seems other worldly like I just don't even know. Trust me, even us NT's struggle! I know I do. Since my partner is so shy, and being an Aspie, I knew he wasn't picking up any of my "I want to go out with you" signals, so I had to be direct and ask him out, and I'm not good at these things. I am painfully shy myself, when it comes to dating, and I felt like I was going to be sick, when it came to the day I was finally going to do it. I did finally do it though, after putting it off for so long. I still struggle with things though, like, how do I get him to kiss me, and stuff like that. So, you're not the only one who struggles in the dating area. I hope I was able to give you some insite into our perspective on things. If not, let me know, and I'll try to better give more details.
AWholeNewWorld
Hummingbird
Joined: 18 Jun 2016
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 18
Location: Sydney Australia
28 Jun 2016, 8:11 am
And I personally don't have much faith in the idea of "getting into a relationship/marriage".
I know I could have sex (in spades- easier as a female I think) if I wanted to. However, after negotiating sensory issues, boundary issues, and all of that jazz- in comparison to masturbation it just seems WAAAAY too much of an effort (maybe that's crazy i don't know..).
I never wanted kids or a family, but I've up until now always wanted a close partner- someone to "spend the rest of your life with" kind of thing. However, it just seems very very VERY daunting, and I'm just like- well... f**k it. As long as I don't get harassed/raped/can keep a job down/am not homeless that seems good for me.
2.) My question is- is like... I don't know- are romantic relationships THIS DIFFICULT for everyone?? Like in the Entire world ever- or am I just too anti-social or what?? I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I have a job and friends.... I struggle with other things (Eg anything remotely related to executive functioning- like today I remembered to make my lunch so I didn't buy it, but then left it on the table. I then- left, came back, and forgot it again... so I didn't have lunch
AND was late to work... as an example), but this just seems other worldly like I just don't even know. Maybe it could be an idea to lighten up a little on yourself, at 24 you have a lot of growth, understanding and development coming your way still. The boundary and intimacy issues you described are likely one of the main reasons you are finding it especially challenging. It may be an idea to try and work on these instead of a life partner, you cannot be with someone and be happy until you are at peace with yourself.
Dating may help you here as long as you choose the right guy, someone understanding and patient will help you explore these things and maybe you might find something there. Not every relationship needs to be 'The one' likely they will sneak up on you anyway
Talk to people, discuss this and do not let it become a real 'thing' it takes practice, understanding and patience to learn how to deal with the world and that is for everyone!
28 Jun 2016, 1:42 pm
