You think you click/connect but the other person doesn't

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I remember my dad having this with both men he wanted to befriend and a young woman he was interested in.

I've had this problem with dating sometimes, more than I would have liked. Having the feeling we got along rather well but it was all politeness and friendliness from her side. I guess I can't read between the lines. So I can't tell if it's pretense or real interest in the other person which is rare for NT's too I suppose. And can be hard for me too at times I will admit. I can tell from behaviour however, if somebody doesn't ask deeper questions about me it's more obvious there's less interest in me.

I just wonder sometimes if it is the result of having such a poor life socially, despite my numerous interactions, that I get happy with the smallest bits of attention? And qualify it as a connection while for the other person it's just another nice talk, one of many in a week, nothing special.

This problem seems to be bigger for Aspies I guess? I know that NT men also have to deal with uncertainty a lot, can't tell if a woman's really interested. But still...I feel so inadequate at sensing a connection that I have to trial-and-error myself through every shred of hope I find. Asking a woman out will eventually always generate a clear answer...given time.

How about you, recognize this problem? How did you learn more about recognizing real connection?

You've described many of my dates You made some good points, which shows you are making an honest attempt to understand yourself. To what you wrote, I'll add that I have difficulty telling the difference between friendliness and romantic interest. It sounds like you do, too. "Trial and error" is a great way to describe how I feel in social situations such as this.

How do you think you fare with people on the spectrum versus people who aren't? My experience and understanding are limited, but when I look at my life I think I had a much harder time with people not on the spectrum than those who are (or at least appeared to be to me). I think being similar in the way you are will lead to an easier dating experience, since you both probably communicate similarly. Of course, that doesn't mean you will be similar as people. I'm not saying NT people should only date each other or ND people should only date each other, but when it comes to dating troubles I wonder how many people here really pay attention to communication style (even if that doesn't necessarily have to be seen as NT v ND). I get the impression that few do. They seem to go after incompatible people and then feel like failures because they don't understand that they're looking at the wrong people. Then they hate themselves for being alone. Personally, I wish I had a better understanding of my communication style/needs in the past. It would saved me a lot of heartache.

Let me apologise in advance for my depressing post.

This is something I've been dwelling on for some time and I can't decide if it's just me and my brain or if it's a common experience. I've never had many friends but I thought the ones I did have were real connections. Then something would happen or I'd just get outright rejected and the truth that dawned on me was that it was all an illusion. What I thought I knew and the relationship I thought I had was simply a projection of the person I'd imagined they were and it just collapsed into a bewildering heap of pain and humiliation. There always seems to be a gulf between my perception and reality.

This is a pattern I have noticed a lot with my own dating life. As background I had no diagnosis or treatment early on so learnt to hide my differences and cover introversion with an extrovert mask. This has made it quite easy for me to find dates, even relationships. In my 20's this was fine as these women would be mostly nice and attractive and fun so that was all I needed. As I got to know myself I looked for a deeper connection, what is a constant pattern though is when I was not interested a date or dates would be easy but if I was actually keen on a woman she would disappear.

As it is rare for me to actually genuinely connect with a person I am starting to believe that we had a genuine mutual like initially but then my excitement and very intense nature when I let guards down is too much for almost everyone when shown early. It scares people to be honest, which certainly is not the intent.

If you really look deep I suspect you may find a similar thing, revealing too much, being too honest, too caring, excited, all of these things just simply too early. It is difficult to progress from here as I will no longer pretend to be someone else to make others happy but if we want to have a happy and included life working to help others understand you is essential. How to achieve that I am not quite sure yet!

Well Dr maybe internet dating is not for you. To be honest I do not think it works too well for most people who are a little more complicated or not great at reading others. I often take people too literally with their words!
Maybe attempt a little more of the lighter contact with people, you dont need to date everyone you meet. It has helped me to learn how to relate to others better but also enjoy a bit more of a lighthearted social scene. The deeper connection is still tough but it helps to have a little fun to keep you positive
Remember you only want to meet that person once and a little later in life may be better as you can be at peace with yourself maybe.

If she doesn't like you within the first minutes, chances that she will never like you.

AWholeNewWorld, I am like you in every sense. I reveal to much, I am too honest and too caring, and I get excited, easily. Just as you experience, my excitement and intense nature can scare and overwhelm people. I am very sensitive and I feel everything, deeply.