Do I tell her I have autism?

Post Reply New Topic

Hello! I have had a lot going trough my head lately, I've been seeing this girl for the past week. She does not have autism. She is a nurotypical 20 year old Should I tell her I have autism or just play it off like I don't have it all? She's very pretty and Real Kind too. I just don't want to loose her if She doesn't except my autism. (It's a higher functioning one)

I'm also a male! (I can't figure out how to change (I messed up when signing up)

In my experience, it's best to tell someone you have autism rather than try to keep it a secret. It would give her an explanation for awkward behavior rather than make her think you're being rude or just plain weird. If she doesn't like you for being autistic, then she's probably not someone you'd want to be around in the first place.

I... probably wouldn't unless there was a realistic chance that she'd know what the hell you are talking about.

Well, first my questions would be, how long have you known her, I know you said you had been seeing her for a week, is that dating wise, or have you known her only that long, and how well? My opinion from a neurotipical point of view is, yes you should. If she is any kind of respectable woman at all, she will accept you for who you are. You don't want her finding out later, and then questioning why you kept it from her. Women get really upset when men keep things from them, so it is best to be honest with her about it. I knew that my boyfriend had autism right from the start, and to me, everything about him was beautiful. So, any woman who really cares is going to care about you for who you are. That is my opinion.

It's not a matter of if you should tell her, but when. If she doesn't know then it probably won't end well. I suggest that when you tell her you come ready to explain what autism is and how it might affect your relationship.

Do not.

Keep this secret to yourself, until you're on the deathbed.

[opinion=mine]

You have two choices, both with risks:

1) Tell her, and risk (a) losing her completely; (b) her treating you with pity; (c) her treating you with scorn; or (d) her putting you in the "friend zone" forever.

2) Don't tell her, and risk (a) her getting frustrated with your 'Aspie' behavior, and she ends up treating you as if you had told her; (b) her finding out anyway, and she ends up treating you as if you had told her; (c) one of here friends telling her, and she ends up treating you as if you had told her; and (d) her gossiping with her NT friends about your every quirk and defect, and she ends up treating you as if you had told her.

[/opinion]

You've GOT to tell her as soon as possible. If she's judgmental enough to initially go out with you and then decide that she doesn't want to be with you just because you're Autistic, she's not worth your time (or anyone else's). Plus, there is no hiding it. If you are together for long enough, no matter how slight your Autistic tendencies are, they WILL come out eventually and affect your interactions and it's important that she know sooner rather than later or it'll seem like you're pulling excuses out of your ass when something does happen. Plus, since she's Neurotypical, she may have already noticed differences in you but not know where they're coming from. You may unintentionally send her vibes and never know it, and she may never mention them to you and think they're her problem if she doesn't know you're Autistic. If she knows you're Autistic that helps make sure she doesn't get the wrong idea about you from your body language and tone.

I absolutely think that you should tell her. I know from experience that it can be hidden in the beginning of a relationship but when you get figured out she will feel betrayed.

^
Yes, be batman.

But seriously, don't listen to them!!
Don't tell her!!

It is far better to think of you as odd and weird introvert than to think of you as having a mental illness.
After you tell her, the first thing she is gonna do is googling the autism stories and she will found out a whole site (I think called AS spouses) where a lot of women complain about their autistic men and bash them; not a nice picture - she might also find the stories of the mass murderers who are aspiea.

Don't tell her, keep it as the only one secret to keep from her in your life.
In my exp, nothing good came from telling any person of this.

tell her, there are too many traits to keep hidden forever...

do not tell it too soon though; my experience is that the 3rd or 4th (official) date is a good moment.
by then, you can be sure that the other person likes you (else you wouldn't have gotten that many dates), and that he/she has noticed some traits, but it is still ok to have some secrets held back at that points.

if you tell them too early, stereotypes might kick in, hurting your chances, but if you wait too long, the fact that you kept such a big secret will bite you when (not if) it comes out; this is why i prefer the 3rd or 4th date.
(this also applies to other social groups: the 3rd or 4th activity, be it a D&D evening, orchestra, acting class, what have you)

are you officially diagnosed?