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muffinhead
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29 Oct 2016, 11:55 pm

The girl who "broke up" with me a couple days ago, after dating for 2 weeks, just messaged me at 12 at night asking if I would have breakfast with her some time. Sounds like she wants to get back together. What to make of it?


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kraftiekortie
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30 Oct 2016, 12:56 am

Go for it. Have fun.

But if she "breaks up" with you again, I wouldn't return to her.



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30 Oct 2016, 3:32 am

Sorry for poor grammar or spelling. Broke my arm so can only type with one hand and i dont have th patience to be super correct.

Approach this hoping for the best but expecting the worst.

Assume this is an only as friends get together.

I am sorry to say but if I were you i would expect thst she does not want to get back together, for your own sake.

I wouldnt want you to be disappointed.

I did this with my first ex.

In the miraculous event that she wants to get back together, like mine did, I'd give her another chance if I were you, only if you can forgive her and if her apology or realizing she made a mistake was sincere.

She may have broke your heart but imo you should only never get back with an ex if things ended badly rather than neutral like yours did (e.g. cheating, abusive, was a toxic relationship, etc.) or if they REALLY, really hurt you.

My general rule of thumb now is only ever get back with an ex ONCE - im sure you dont want to be one of those co-dependant, dysfunctional type relationships that are on again, off again as often as they change their underwear.



kraftiekortie
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30 Oct 2016, 3:35 am

How'd you break your arm?



racheypie666
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30 Oct 2016, 3:51 am

She might want to just talk and draw a line under the relationship, too. I would very much like to do this with someone, have a final conversation to close and part on good terms (or at least with an understanding) but he keeps resisting. If I suggest a morning coffee, he suggests drinks at his place; I think the tone in those settings is wildly different. So, maybe she invited you to breakfast so you can both 'get closure', maybe even be friends?



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30 Oct 2016, 4:27 am

She didnt do the initial breakup very well, and if im correct has already dumped him in person.



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30 Oct 2016, 4:28 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
How'd you break your arm?


Parkour accident. First broken bone in my life. :(



Alliekit
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30 Oct 2016, 8:13 am

Just give her a chance but don't expect her to want to get back together unless she says that. just enjoy spending time with her :D



muffinhead
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30 Oct 2016, 9:51 am

She very awkwardly ended it in a 2 minute conversation and then ran off. Every time I see her she looks at me sheepishly, as if she knows that she did a poor job of ending it. I'll take the advice about her wanting closure and expect nothing else.


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muffinhead
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31 Oct 2016, 10:24 am

She came and sat with me without being invited this morning at breakfast. She seems really ambivalent about what she wants me to be. She also asked me questions about our mutual friends acting weird around us. TBH, I'd rather spend time with her as a romantic interest than a friend. I don't like not knowing where this is going.


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31 Oct 2016, 6:33 pm

Expect that she only wants closure.

NEVER assume a girl wants to date you unless she explicitly says "I would like to get back together with you." :lol:

Don't even assume flirting/hints = green light. I've had mates who wer disappointed they pointed out to a female friend she was giving signs only for her to say she's so worry and didn't mean to.

But yeah I know that feeling of in needing to know.



jatos
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04 Nov 2016, 1:32 pm

"Approach this hoping for the best but expecting the worst."

Be careful of this advice, although it can be hard, sometimes you have to accept uncertainty.

My advice from life experience, ask why she ended it in the first place? This usually tells you a lot of what you need to know, but at the same time question your thoughts (this is from something that happens to be stuck to my wall currently).

Her wanting closure seems possible, but be weary of assumptions. This inclination is a general trait of humans, not just aspies whatever we are told. I can promise you that.

Generally my advice is for goodness sake, do not try too hard. Also, don't hang around too long to see what she does, if she does give you this old thing of 'mixed singles' don't be afraid to at some point ask bluntly what she wants. Give her some time imo, but don't allow yourself to get messed around, and know when it is time to say goodbye and move on.



AngelRho
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06 Nov 2016, 7:23 am

Personally, the way she acts I wouldn't even bother. I think you should move on and cut her out of your life.



muffinhead
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06 Nov 2016, 10:17 am

A couple of days ago I learned through a set of mutual friends that she felt that I moved too quickly, and that scared her. Her behavior really confuses me. When she came and sat down with some friends of mine at dinner, not knowing I was going to be there, she freaked out and made it very clear she was uncomfortable. I can't understand why she's so weird, Aspie or not. More to the point, I've already moved on, a little frustrated with being given yet another runaround, but otherwise OK.


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Alliekit
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06 Nov 2016, 11:12 am

muffinhead wrote:
A couple of days ago I learned through a set of mutual friends that she felt that I moved too quickly, and that scared her. Her behavior really confuses me. When she came and sat down with some friends of mine at dinner, not knowing I was going to be there, she freaked out and made it very clear she was uncomfortable. I can't understand why she's so weird, Aspie or not. More to the point, I've already moved on, a little frustrated with being given yet another runaround, but otherwise OK.


I get where she is coming from. she didn't handle the situation well and knows that and now when she sees you see panics because she doesn't know what to do or say. I don't think she was giving you the runaround she was just frightened of how fast the relationship moved and she backed off. Her reactions seem pretty normal for a shy or aspie girl



muffinhead
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13 Nov 2016, 10:25 pm

She still likes me. And how do I know that? She said it to my face in a one on one conversation with me. She says she loves spending time with me, and would like to do it some more. She also says she wants to delay the physical stuff. And I'm now 99% sure she's an Aspie.


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