have you ever dated a stranger who used a cold approach?

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i have noticed sometimes that people on WP mention the idea of approaching someone of the opposite sex who is completely unknown to them, for the purpose of dating them (i.e. a "cold approach")

for me, everyone i ever dated was known to me in some way, like part of the same group of friends, or someone from work, or a familiar person from WP ( ). of course, a lot of my dating experience is pre-internet, but if i was currently looking to date i would most likely also use internet dating. internet dating seems to offer a cross-section of a person's life (true or not) to get an idea of what they can be like, so in my opinion it isn't as "cold" as an approach from a stranger, where nothing about them is known at all.

i have had completely unknown men try to get my number but i was very closed off and didn't trust them. however, i do live in a fairly unfriendly and cold city. so perhaps my experience is not the norm. cold approaches seem like maybe they could be romantic, perhaps? maybe it is more common in other places.

so have you ever dated someone who approached you with NO previous acquaintance whatsoever? or have you ever approached a stranger and ended up dating them? not talking about people picking each other up for one night, but for
something that was intended to be longer-term.

i am mostly interested in whether the cold approach worked for you, ever.

Yeah. I intentionally walked up to a cute girl on a street corner with the pretext of asking for directions. We eventually ended up living together for a few months. It only ended because she got a job in another city.

Personally it's not something I could ever do - it just feels too "invasive" or rude or something, plus being very Aspie almost guarantees that I'll be labeled a "creep".

I've seen it happen many times to my ex-wife and my female friends though - it never worked, but maybe it would have been different if I wasn't standing right there.

This. ^ If a man approached me while we were in a coffee shop (for example), I might sit down and drink my coffee with him and pass the time, but it would be very weird for me to go anywhere from there (too forced/contrived, etc.).

Well, I need to be in a very sharp / good mood to even try something like that. It was pretty rare.

Most people prefer to have some context before speaking with someone. And that's normally what I'd do too.

Yes, I have. However, when I've done it under the pretext (not explicitly, of course!) of trying to date her sometime in the future, I have had a success rate of about 0%. You have to get to know someone first, and that's how it should start

I don't talk to random people for no reason. I is hard for me to believe how cold approach can work, especially for long term relation. Maybe it is easier for common NT to find commodity with random strangers.

Sounds like PUA bullshittery.

Never, and the thought of doing so is just odd.

Being friendly and open to life is PUA? I think you are mistaken. People meet in all kinds of ways.

My parents met as strangers on a beach.

Being friendly and open to life has nothing whatsoever to do with
a. wandering up to random strangers and asking them out
b. inventing formulaic terms for it such as "the cold approach"

People do meet in all kinds of ways, but this question isn't about meeting people, but about dating.

i totally thought i coined the phrase "cold approach" as in telephone work we would often do "cold calling". it seemed like a logical set of words to describe what i meant. so i googled it, and sure enough it is used in PUA communities. couldn't think of a better phrase for it, but you have a good point.

(p.s. bullshittery is my new favourite word. thanks for that!)

I went on one date with a stranger who hit me in the head with a frisbee while I was reading a book in the park. He threw it wrong during a game, it hit me, and he came over to retrieve it and apologize. Then he asked if I would like to join the frisbee game. I did. And afterwards I hung out with him and his friends and he took me to dinner. That technically is a date with a stranger using a cold approach (especially if he threw the frisbee at me on purpose, though he swore he didn't). It didn't go beyond that though because we had nothing in common but an enjoyment of frisbee.

This was a looooong time ago. Do people even still play frisbee?

Last edited by Janissy on 20 Sep 2011, 12:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Replace "wandering up" with approach, "random" with someone you are attracted to, and "asking them out" with chatting them up. Just walking up and asking someone out is amateur hour.

The first girl I ever asked out was a complete stranger (after a short conversation). We went out for weeks and I learned a lot.

Tomayto, tomahto.
"Approaching" a random stranger, "someone you are attracted to" (yet know nothing about) and "chatting them up" would likely get you labelled a psycho, in my experience.

Of course it depends on what's meant by "dating", but if the initial contact began through no more a substantive basis than someone liking the way my face is arranged or body is put together, I can't imagine it would develop into something long-term.

Maybe most people are compatible with most *other* people personality-wise, whereas I see lifestyle, emotional, and relationship-style compatibility coinciding in any two people as an extreme exception and not a rule

Fortunately she didn't think so.

I think your theory of mind is tripping you up here. My approach wasnt whatever approach you are imagining.



That's what dating is about. To determine compatibility and have some fun. And even then you don't really know someone for a long time. Thus the divorce rate.

Not every date needs to be a marriage proposal.