Can't stop trying to please others and lie to fit in

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Hi
I'm looking for some help.
I've recently taken an online test for aspergers and I'm waiting on an official appt to get diagnosed properly.
I'm a 30 year old female who works in the bank and I show a lot of the traits of aspergers. I hate confrontation and I also find myself saying or doing anything to fit in with others. I feel like life is a dream and not reality and I really don't know how to feel or act when people have deep conversations with me which makes me come across as not giving a f*ck.
I had a partner for two and a half years and we have just split up. He has severe depression and I have been insensitive to the issues in his life. I didn't take the time to explain I didn't understand or ask how he was feeling and when ever there was a deep conversation or I felt any bit of fear of judgement for not understanding I would avoid the situation by leaving or taking a bath. I come out with inappropriate things and because I know I do I have been trying avoid making things worse by not saying anything which makes him think I don't listen or care. I'm literally lying over the stupidest thing like whether I like a movie when I'm asked..I do like the movie and say I don't and I'm telling constant lies constantly to avoid making things worse than they are. I don't feel relaxed around people and often I come across as a b1tch and I don't know why. Does anyone with aspergers know what to do when instead of constantly being to honest (I used to and got a bad reaction) I constantly lie to avoid being judged and to try and say the thing the person wants me to. I've ruined my relationship and I'm hurting people I love and care about and I really don't know how to stop and why I went from one extreme to another. Thanks in advance. All advice welcome

compulsively faking in order to fit in is always a tough one. between a rock and a hard place

i don't have a solution to offer, i wish i did. i think it's a very personal and individual thing, because it's really about finding your own identity and "your place in life", so advice from strangers tends to be of little to no use. although the act itself of talking about it can be illuminating sometimes, because it gives you the opportunity to get in touch with your own thoughts in neutral situations where you won't have the urge to lie or pretend. i guess this is the main reason why i'm even here and why i post so much. i often find myself rereading my own posts, like i'm telling myself "this is who i am"

do you have access to individual talk therapy? (i mean like once a week with an actual psychotherapist). you could probably benefit from it

Thanks.

I don't have access to professional help but I'll buy a book. I might pay for one or two sessions as it's probably all I can afford.

Thanks again

it's a start. as long as you can find ways to do things for yourself without alienating people you depend on, it's progress. every little thing counts