Girlfriend's past

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I have a wonderful girlfriend I've been with for several months now. Our relationship is good in most ways, but her past is bothering me to the point I can't think of nothing else, so I'm trying to figure out what, if anything, can be done.

This is my problem. She and her best friend snuck out to a local music festival, even if they'd been told by their parents not to. There they managed to get royally drunk, and they met one of their neighbours, a guy in his 40's who lives practically next doors to them. He was surprised to see them there, but invited them over to the tent he had put up in the festival area. Once inside, both of the girls laid down on a matress together, happily chatting and I suppose watching the room more or less spin.

Well, he figured out it would be a good idea to have sex with them. Nevermind that he's married with kids, and although they are of legal age, he knows their family and practically watched them grow up. And nevermind they were virgins, so it would be their first time. When he asks if he can sleep with them, the answer he gets is yes. They would have agreed on most anything on that point. So he is supposed to help them lose it, under the arguement it "will be fun," and it "can be their little secret." They just ask him to be gentle.

Getting them ready is easy, since they're just wearing summer dresses. He just removes their underwear and proceeds to make them ready for a while. Since he has a basic knowledge of female anatomy, getting inside isn't too much trouble, and since they are laying side by side, he changes between them from time to time. It hurts somewhat for the girls, and because of the alcohol it is almost impossible for him to finish, something he is able to do only after spending several hours. At that point the morning light is starting to shine inside the tent, but he wants to go through the same process in order to finish in the other girl, and this time it's much quicker.

At that point everybody is getting to their senses, and he realizes he's supposed to be picked up by his wife at any minute. Having two girls laying on a matress in a tent smelling like sex would be suspicious to say the least. They go outside to pee while he clears the mess, and they have to go inside again to get their underwear back, and then he ushers them on their way. They are given a few reassurances and a hug, and are told to get the morning after pill, and that's it.

I'm of course devestated by all this. Both by the fact she isn't a virgin, and the way it happened. She still has to see the guy from time to time, but it's a well kept secret. He got it all and more by really taking advantage of them, and I also feel she should have acted differently. He asked, and they said yes. Although I wasn't with her at the time, I feel like it's an attack on my manhood. How can I regain our dignity in all this? I'm so resentful I'm even considering letting his wife know, although my girlfriend has specifically told me not to, and although it could end a marriage.

If you cannot handle a girl's potential past, you shouldn't ask about it. It's no worse that she had her first time with an older guy than with somebody else, and most girls these days have sex before marriage, so she is rather typical.

Attack on your manhood seriously? Listen to yourself.

She shared something in her past, which normally is a sign of trust.

It is up to you whether this is a deal-breaker for you, and whether this you think event is a judgment issue.

Seriously thought, it come across as if you are jealous you weren't her first. We don't know how the tone of the conversation went, how she feels about it now. However I don't see what good resenting her for it does.

You might have a problem with the infidelity, I understand that part of it.

Your girlfriend had a middle age man take advantage of her while she was apparently nearly passed out drunk, and your concern is your manhood?

I agree with all replies to this post. Everyone has a past, and no one is perfect; therefore, you need to let it go. It has no baring on the here and now. She trusted you enough to open up to you and tell you about her past, and when a woman does this, it means that she loves you more than anything, so don't take that lightly. You should feel more of a man, for that reason. Don't let what is in her past, destroy your future!

I think keeping quiet and going forward is the best thing to do.

Don't blame HER for this---blame that idiot sleazeball guy, instead.

She's very honorable for revealing this to you.

Did you tell her about your first time?

Was it 100% upright and honorable?

Did she freak out and turn into a green-eyed flaming jealous monster?

Also: what lidsmichelle said.

Additionally: I don't care who you're dating. What a girl did or did not do sexually before you met her/started dating her is none of your business. rdos is right. If you can't cope with whatever your girlfriend tells you about her past, you shouldn't ask. Were you looking for a reason to slut-shame her or something?

Your girlfriend was raped and it was not cool when the neighbor decided to have sex with them. He took advantage of them and cheated on his wife. Your girlfriend could be suffering inside from this so she needs your support.

I talked about this with someone whose opinion I respect a lot, as I wanted to run it by them first and they came up with a more succinct way of putting it. They read it carefully as did I.

There seem to be a lot of assumptions made on this thread. So for instance the assumption they were almost passing out, which was never stated, nor is it consistent with the story. It is the OPs opinion not the girlfriend's that is being expressed. We don't know how she feels about it, just the account.

People struggle a lot with moral uncertainty to tend try and weight thing is a moral certain way based on thier world view, which involves making certain assumptions they do not know. I see this here. In fact I have somewhat suspect the OPs post has that intention in mind to pose a moral uncertainty(but this obviously just a guess).

Firstly on the question of consent. All three of them were impaired (drunk). However impairment is not the same as incapacity it does not mean they did not consent or aren't all responsible for their actions. It is stated they both consent, and any one of them could have chosen not to continue at any point unless there was soemthing directly preventing them. Legally this does matter.

If impairment was enough, what about a scenario where two people equally impaired had sex, who is taking advantage of who? Obviously people are treated equally under the law. You can't saying it is only the responsibility of one and not the other. You taking away their choice, by saying their choice is not valid becuase they had some drink.

All three were adults. It may be inadvisable, regrettable but there is nothing that indicates it wasn't consensual. You could argue his age was a factor, but there reason we have an age of consent.

Both weren't raped in a legal sense....but there seemed an element of compulsion in all this. I feel like the women were ambivalent about the situation, at best. And they certainly regretted it in the morning.

Yes, I am speculating---but this is what I sense.

What stands out is the SLEAZE in the situation.

Like I said, it's ridiculous for the OP to blame the woman for what occurred.

Reminds me of the idiots who believe, even though a girl was raped as a child, say, that she's not a "virgin"--hence, she is unworthy because she was "deflowered."