What's the possible meaning of these dreams?

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K_Kelly
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18 Sep 2016, 12:23 pm

I have been having a few of these dreams that had involved seeing or talking to an unrequited crush from that started in very late junior high, but after that, I have been stuck on her for years. I'm sure I talked about it in one of my threads before. Now I'm mostly over this crush, and she has had a boyfriend for more then a couple years by now, so what do these dreams involving her even mean, if anything at all? The last one was actually last night.



Hopper
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18 Sep 2016, 12:43 pm

I usually think that the 'meaning' of a dream is what we make of it. If we attempt to work out why we had a particular dream, we'll usually come up with something insightful.

So first, I'd ask why you think you've been having these dreams, and what you think they mean.

Second, details matter. From what you write, I would assume she's been on your mind because, in some sense, there is unfinished business there for you (but then, you already are aware you've been "stuck on her for years"). Beyond that depends on the details of the dream.


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Of course, it's probably quite a bit more complicated than that.

You know sometimes, between the dames and the horses, I don't even know why I put my hat on.


K_Kelly
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18 Sep 2016, 1:05 pm

First of all, I don't assume any "unfinished business" between us. I never made regular contact with her that much in the first place (she just happened to be a girl in my grade at that time). I scared her away when I opened up a Facebook account and tried to contact her, to the point where she would block her profile. I tried contacting her too many times and looking for pictures of her. It's very unlikely that we have "unfinished business".

On top of this, I can't remember the details of my dream. These particular dreams involving her are not regular, though.

So I don't know, it's kind of weird.



Hopper
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18 Sep 2016, 1:30 pm

What I mean by 'unfinished business' is something related to why you were drawn to her in the first place, rather than anything between the two of you. What comes to mind when you think of her?

Do you remember the dreams when you wake, or does it come to you later on? I don't recall my dreams much, but when I do I try and write it down, as well as any impressions/associations.


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Of course, it's probably quite a bit more complicated than that.

You know sometimes, between the dames and the horses, I don't even know why I put my hat on.


K_Kelly
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18 Sep 2016, 1:41 pm

I was first drawn to her because she was an energetic and bouncy personality. She had this awesome curly, naturally blonde hair. She looked very attractive to me. I was told by a friend that she was Siberian, but her dad had an Italian last name and her mom's maiden name was German, I guess. But what does the part of "unfinished business" have to do with this?



Lilo
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19 Sep 2016, 1:48 pm

A dream that comes back regularly means that you are still struggling with some aspects of this crush. Be it the feelings you had for her or the way she reacted on your attempts to establish contact with her. It is possible that some of this things are interfering with the way you feel about yourself in regards to dating in general.

What might help you is to write the history down and try to attach feelings to them.
How did you feel about her back then?
How did she react when you tried to establish contact?
How did that make you feel?
How do you feel now when you have a crush on someone?

Try to write this all down and see if something comes forward.

Good luck!



K_Kelly
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19 Sep 2016, 2:46 pm

Could be, I have scared a couple more girls off on social media before, but I can't say for sure whether I actually scared them. Many times that I tried initiating contact with her, she'll block me from seeing her Facebook. I don't really have crushes on any particular girls anymore, except for the one who was my ex.

In these dreams, her and I would make positive contact, but I don't remember if we actually get together in the dream. But, when I was rejected by this particular girl from Facebook, I felt very hurt, and it was the start of a long obsession that took time to heal. I doubt she and I can even be good friends. :(



Lilo
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19 Sep 2016, 7:49 pm

Of course you felt hurt. Someone rejecting us gives us the feeling that we are unlovable which makes us feel bad about ourselves.

The thing most of us do is run after someone in order to show them how great we are. Not because we truly think that they are the best there is in the world. No, we do them because we want to restore this disturbed balance in our sense of self worth.

We want them to tell us that they do love us and that we are hot, interesting and the best that has crossed their path.

When that happens we will feel good about ourselves again and feel worth loving.

But the truth is that no one truly loves someone else. We only love the feeling that other person is giving ( or not giving) us. When that stops, the relationship goes downhill and ends eventually.

What do you think K_Kelly?



K_Kelly
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19 Sep 2016, 11:08 pm

I was kind of lost with what you explained.



the_phoenix
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20 Sep 2016, 9:23 am

Lilo wrote:
But the truth is that no one truly loves someone else. We only love the feeling that other person is giving ( or not giving) us. When that stops, the relationship goes downhill and ends eventually.


My parents and both sets of grandparents truly loved each other.
Each of their marriages all lasted until one of them died of illness.
Both of my grandfathers ended up being devoted caregivers to their wives in their hours, days, weeks, months, years of need.
My mom ended up being the devoted caregiver to my dad after his stroke.

Love is far more than a passing feeling.
Love is proven by being there and helping someone even when it hurts,
and even when there's sacrifice involved.



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20 Sep 2016, 9:26 am

All it means is that your subconscious is thinking about that particular person while you are asleep.



the_phoenix
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20 Sep 2016, 9:35 am

A dream can often indicate our desires.
In this case, you're dreaming about something you can't have ...
the girl has another boyfriend.
In some cases, it's best to move on from the dream,
and go after what you can have.
The reality can be better than the dream,
so make the most of your waking life
and move forward.



the_phoenix
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20 Sep 2016, 9:36 am

thumbhole wrote:
All it means is that your subconscious is thinking about that particular person while you are asleep.


Logical ... :)



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21 Sep 2016, 1:57 pm

Lilo wrote:

The thing most of us do is run after someone in order to show them how great we are. Not because we truly think that they are the best there is in the world. No, we do them because we want to restore this disturbed balance in our sense of self worth.



That is extremely true and is a helpful insight. You come across as very wise and very good at putting things into words. Maybe you should write a self-help book or become a counsellor. :)