He's away. Don't know when he's coming back.

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It's strange for someone like me, who is mostly independent, to be going through what feels like separation anxiety. After we've spent 3 days out of the week together, and knowing that he was just ten minutes away, I was fine, in the times that I didn't hear from him, and gave him the rest of the time for his space. Now, that he left Saturday for Florida with his family, since they wanted him to help drive, I can't seem to settle down, and not hearing from him is driving me crazy, and I miss him horribly! To top it all off, tonight, when he finally called me, he seemed so distant, and then he told me that he didn't know when they were coming home. Originally, they were only suppose to be gone a week. Then, abruptly, he cut the call short, and said that he would call and let me know when they would be coming home... This is a far cry from how he was, before he left... Of course, I suspect a lot of it was, his mother was hanging over his sholder as usual, listening to his every word. I just miss him terribly, and I couldn't talk to anyone else about it, or put this anywhere else, or he would see it, and probably worry, and there's nothing he can do from there. I am going from having a date to look forward to, to nothing, and just waiting, and it's making me feel very sad, lonely, and quite depressed.

Independence is a myth, no one is really independent.

Does his mom have an issue with you being his girlfriend or something? Or is he trying to act like he doesn't have one around his family because he thinks they wouldn't like it? Also how old are you and him? If you're over 18 quite frankly I'd say he needs to decide if you and his relationship is important enough to risk disapproval from his family when he comes out about it and be ready to stay with you even in the face of that disapproval, if not it may be time to reconsider the relationship but....I imagine he'll be back before too long and hopefully things can go to how they were. Though I would suggest talking to him about this as it sounds kind of strange he'd act distant towards you on account of his mother and family.

Then again if his family heavily pressured him to go on this vacation with them and help with driving, he might just be under stress and not enjoying himself but trying to still be decent around family members...so he might just be seeming distant out of irritation of the situation he's in at the moment.

To Boo, I am starting to learn this. My ilutions of independence have been shattered. To Sweetleaf, yes, we are over 18, but the reasons for certain things is a long story. I went through it all a while back ago, but it's a long story. Let's just say, do to his Autism, his trouble socializing with women especially, and alike, before me, he never had relationships, and one woman tried to get close to him, just to use him, so his mother was always watchful. She likes me well enough, but she's so use to having him at her beck and call so to speak, that she sees all of that going out the window in some ways, so I think she might being passive aggressively trying to stop it, by trying to talk him down to me as of late. Now having him go on this trip with them, was another way, in my opinion, since they "Needed him to drive". No, he isn't hiding us from them, or anything like that. I think it's just stress, due to the fact that his mother tends to drive him crazy to begin with, and not really wanting to go, and it's not as easy as, Well, he shouldn't have gone then. LOL. He is pretty much stuck, until he is married. Everyone knows we are together, and happily so, so there is no hiding involved. I'm just not use to him seeming distant, so it threw me off. I'm also not use to depending on someone, but like Boo said, independence is a myth.

I don't feel independence is a myth. There's definitely such a thing as being "too dependent."

I believe one could be independent while having a "significant other."

I'm sorry you feel this way, Bridgette. I wish I could hug you. You're a nice person.

I hope he calls you very often. Why can't he write you emails?

While I'm not questioning your call I think that you might want to rethink the he is just stuck with her until we are married.

A lot of the marriages end up in divorce nowadays because people rush into them.

Get a flat with him for a while or something and get to see how you interact once he /you cant just go home to recharge and you have to deal with each other 24/7


Also one of my sisters is on a very similar situation and what has helped her a lot is just doing stuff with the mum without her bf.
Talking to her about some issues she had with the flat, going shopping for a few appliances that they needed together...any reason/time works, she just chose to start doing it when they both moved out

I feel for you, Bridgette.

I really hope he calls you, and says he misses you badly.

He doesn't know what he's missing.

Because people who are in the same boat as Stevie Wonder are tactile, and accomplished at being tactile.

I don't get when women say they'll independent on dating sites, I'm like ok they why do you want a relationship.

Same with the. Saying they want drama free, life isn't drama free, I don't think anyone has a perfect wonderful life where nothing bad happens.

0.o so I pass them up amongst other reasons I'm not good enough

Hi Bridgette, boy these relationships are really a roller coaster aren't they. I am sorry you are feeling this way, but let me see if I can help at all with some of my observations from my relationships.
Firstly do,you normally speak on the phone? I understand many aspies find this form of communication difficult. Certainly me and my man have never had a phone conversation, although he will text me almost constantly unless he is withdrawing then it is only twice a day to wish good morning and good night.
Secondly I think the idea of "missing someone" is a whole different experience for aspies. My chap doesn't seem to experience missing me in the same way. Especially if he is focussed on something else. I believe now he is quite secure in our friendship, and doesn't think I am going to suddenly disappear, he is much less likely to need constant contact. He says it feels like I am with him anyway. He is beginning to understand that I work differently and I will often tell him I am missing his face. Sometimes he sends me a photo when I say this (funny guy)
Thirdly - the appearing distant could be to do with a telephone adversion, or because his mind is full of the things he is occupied with whilst he is away. Just remember your own (excellent) advice about needing to keep your emotions in control. Have you got some plans or ideas for things you could do or enjoy whilst you have this time to yourself. Then you will have these tales to tell him when you speak again rather than just focussing on wondering when he will be back?
Feel free to pm me if it helps. I am currently in a position where I am very depressed . . .. . Nothing to do with my friendship but does add more stress as I am probably much more needy and clingy than normal. Although he is v understanding and responding well.
Take care and hugs X

No one is truly independent.

Deep down we humans are social creatures and can not live a fulfilling life without true love unless we're some variation of Asexual, have some sort of mental disorder such as schizoid or schizophrenia or sociopathy, or just plain insane.

I think most geniuses throughout history who never chose to marry were probably Aromantic Asexuals who simply never thought about that stuff, that or they have immense and incredible mental and willpower to be able to spend so much time alone and isolated without succumbing to madness. It wouldn't be just because they were geniuses either that they had the ability to focus on pursuing science in life, even plenty of geniuses can't bear loneliness.

This whole "I am strong, independent, I don't need no (wo)man" is just lying to oneself to feel better about one's loneliness.

Prolonged loneliness, that is at least 2 years plus or longer with no relationship and very few, if any friends, is not healthy for the mind.

To feel a sense of meaning and purpose in the world, we must both love and feel loved in return.

This is why sometimes things like volunteering can make lonely people feel better about themselves as it helps give them meaning, and it's also why love truly does make one happier than if they were single and alone.