The First (very first) Thing you need to do

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AngryAngryAngry
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17 Dec 2016, 10:28 pm

Become happy.

I know you're disillusioned etc etc.
But, you'll probably never have a billion friends, or be Casanova.
Know the situation you're in, then accept it.

Once you are happy, then you can begin to attract someone of the opposite sex.

It's the same for people that go through addiction treatment - first they need to get well.
(if anyone has real depression, then that is a different situation, obviously.)

It's not easy, but you can take simple steps to get there.
Get fit & healthy - this will drastically improve your mood.
Get a better job (not neccessarily higher pay), or choose some goals to achieve, gain some achievements that make you feel good. And if you have ever achieved anything such as acing that job interview (that was a huge hurdle) then don't forget that, write it down, and if you ever feel down - go look at that bit of paper and read it aloud - because you did it, and if you did it once you can do it again.



wilburforce
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17 Dec 2016, 11:28 pm

This makes sense to me, but at the same time I think you are going to get a lot of crap for making this thread. I don't think you should, but you probably will. There are some guys here who have a big problem with this kind of advice.


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18 Dec 2016, 1:54 am

I met all 3 of the girlfriends I had/have when I was depressed & making lots of post about things. My 1st & my current were/are kinda depressed too & that didn't really bother me. I'm NOT depressed now that I have my current girlfriend.


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Sabreclaw
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18 Dec 2016, 3:19 am

wilburforce wrote:
This makes sense to me, but at the same time I think you are going to get a lot of crap for making this thread. I don't think you should, but you probably will. There are some guys here who have a big problem with this kind of advice.


Because it makes assumptions and oversimplifies things. If things were that simple nobody would be single.



Alliekit
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18 Dec 2016, 5:34 pm

Sabreclaw wrote:
wilburforce wrote:
This makes sense to me, but at the same time I think you are going to get a lot of crap for making this thread. I don't think you should, but you probably will. There are some guys here who have a big problem with this kind of advice.


Because it makes assumptions and oversimplifies things. If things were that simple nobody would be single.


It's a pretty good baby step to start with thought. I would argue rather that be happy that the best first step is to be comfortable and know yourself.



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19 Dec 2016, 2:17 pm

I don't think you have to be happy to get a relationship...I cannot say I was particularly happy when I got in my current relationship, I was happy with the idea of getting into a relationship with someone awesome but I cant say I was over-all totally happy with my life I still am not.


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AngryAngryAngry
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22 Dec 2016, 3:15 am

Fair enough.
But being happy can't harm your chances.



The_Face_of_Boo
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22 Dec 2016, 3:33 am

It helps...it helps in everything in life, but there's no magical recipe.

And I have seen guys... and girls who went from depressed to totally happy after getting a relationship, I have seen this many many times.



314pe
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22 Dec 2016, 4:05 am

AngryAngryAngry wrote:
Become happy.

I know you're disillusioned etc etc.
But, you'll probably never have a billion friends, or be Casanova.
Know the situation you're in, then accept it.

That's a good life tip. Be happy with what you have now. It may not help you in finding a perfect relationship but will definitely help you to pass the time.

But the real question is how do you become happy. It's not like people on this forum are sad on purpose.



Lunella
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22 Dec 2016, 4:12 am

At least the OP was considerate enough to make the thread, it shows at least someone cares about the depressed folk on here. I tend to stay away from the dating threads cause they're usually plagued by very angry dudes who get very confrontational over petty crap so I usually can't be bothered to read replies.

I agree though, if you're not happy with yourself or whatever else then your odds are probably going to be lower for majority of people. Happiness shows, it practically beams off you and makes others happy which can be considered more attractive in some cases I suppose.

A lot of professional people do recommend you sort yourself out mentally before you find a relationship though. How is the real question but it's not impossible. Depression is a weird one, I tend to think it's the more we sit around and are allowed to be sad we get sad from doing nothing, where people who fight to survive daily don't have time to sit around and be depressed. I figure that's why exercise and active stuff helps a lot of depressed people. I'm not really sure but it definitely makes me wonder.


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AngryAngryAngry
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22 Dec 2016, 8:42 pm

I came to the conclusion recently, that "I" choose how I feel. No one else can make me feel bad.
And my situation should also not influence my mood.
I've lived on the street and it was one of the happiest times of my life, I really appreciated the little things then.

I do struggle with procrastination and my body telling me to be lazy.
Lately I'm focusing on ignoring any sorts of pain/laziness/horrible feelings/procrastination thoughts that my body gives me.
Just focus - GET UP, GET MOVING, TAKE ACTION. DO NOT THINK.
A strict routine helps
Putting the most annoying alarm sound on phone, then placing phone at such distance that forces me to physically get up out of bed, then remove objects that surround phone to finally be able to switch it off. Once this is done, I comprehend that yesterday self was very wise.
Sometimes I leave motivational notes on my alarm - such as "I need to do X because of Y, and if I don't I'll feel really bad.
My alarm is set for 5am (regardless of daylight savings). Also my phone is set to 1 hour and 20min ahead of time.
There is some flexibility with my alarm, I have secondary alarm for 1 hour later, if I got to bed late and absolutely need a bit of extra sleep.



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24 Dec 2016, 3:48 am

Sounds good in theory but I feel too lonely and bored to be happy.



AngryAngryAngry
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31 Dec 2016, 3:41 am

Lonely for friends or just a romantic partner?



a_dork
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31 Dec 2016, 5:05 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
And I have seen guys... and girls who went from depressed to totally happy after getting a relationship, I have seen this many many times.

What happens after they break up with their partner? Would they fall back into depression? It doesn't seem they're happy with themselves, just happy that they have something they didn't before.


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RetroGamer87
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31 Dec 2016, 8:23 pm

AngryAngryAngry wrote:
Become happy.

I know you're disillusioned etc etc.
But, you'll probably never have a billion friends, or be Casanova.
Know the situation you're in, then accept it.

Once you are happy, then you can begin to attract someone of the opposite sex.

It's the same for people that go through addiction treatment - first they need to get well.
(if anyone has real depression, then that is a different situation, obviously.)

It's not easy, but you can take simple steps to get there.
Get fit & healthy - this will drastically improve your mood.
Get a better job (not neccessarily higher pay), or choose some goals to achieve, gain some achievements that make you feel good. And if you have ever achieved anything such as acing that job interview (that was a huge hurdle) then don't forget that, write it down, and if you ever feel down - go look at that bit of paper and read it aloud - because you did it, and if you did it once you can do it again.
I really like this post :)


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white_as_snow
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01 Jan 2017, 8:13 pm

this will not help me.

even if i was rich no female would want me.

0 on the look scale and 0 socials skills can only end one way no matter how hard i try. my situation is hopeless.