What to do if you like someone you live with?

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LimboMan
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07 Oct 2016, 8:40 am

Ever since I've moved in with these people in the house I'm in there is this girl I frankly admire secretly. But because of this I've started to feel nervous talking to her and I think about her a lot. I've said about my ASD to the group I'm in I thought it was wise to say to people I'll live with the next year. And she's helped me a lot about feeling better about my Aspergers I just wonder how many other girls are that understanding about what I struggle with.
I've been taken aback by her kindness and this has led me to start liking her. But she says she has this guy she's been seeing for a while which sounds like your successful wealthy NT that travels the world. So nothing would happen. But she dosen't sound that happy about the relationship.
But these feelings are difficult she is in the room next to mine I sometimes feel like avoiding her because of these feelings.

When she's upset about something that's when I really struggle. When I hear her cry I don't know whether to knock on her door and ask if she wants to be comforted or whether she wants to be left alone. And I've got close to comforting but I don't know how best to act or what to say and I just get myself feeling embarrassed. She's going through a lot.

How can I deal with these feelings is it just best to meet as many different girls I can? I've never had a girlfriend. And is it better to ask what's wrong when she's upset or leave her alone? She said before she likes her own company. Just all this its all really confusing especially with ASD in the equation.


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Alliekit
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07 Oct 2016, 9:10 am

It's a really difficult situation. Not only that you live together but that she already os seeing someone.

Can you be there for her as a friend? Maybe ask her is everything is ok? Maybe she need a shoulder to lean on :)



LimboMan
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07 Oct 2016, 9:47 am

Yeah I wanted to ask that but now she seems quite annoyed with me only cause I was out the house and she didnt have her key to get in, that wasn't my fault. That's what I was afraid about moving away, conflict living with others. I guess its not her day. Or maybe she was annoyed with me because I didn't comfort her. I just get so confused we were fine few days before :(


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Alliekit
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07 Oct 2016, 10:10 am

LimboMan wrote:
Yeah I wanted to ask that but now she seems quite annoyed with me only cause I was out the house and she didnt have her key to get in, that wasn't my fault. That's what I was afraid about moving away, conflict living with others. I guess its not her day. Or maybe she was annoyed with me because I didn't comfort her. I just get so confused we were fine few days before :(


I had similar worries when moving others. Just say to her that you were sore she was stuck outside but you were not in the house.

Then if you don't have each others numbers just say you can give her your number if it happens in the future.

When yu live with people you see every side of them and have to accept that some days they will be majorly grumpy and act like the hate you without meaning too :) she is more likely angry she forgot her keys than with you



LimboMan
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07 Oct 2016, 12:22 pm

Alliekit wrote:
LimboMan wrote:
Yeah I wanted to ask that but now she seems quite annoyed with me only cause I was out the house and she didnt have her key to get in, that wasn't my fault. That's what I was afraid about moving away, conflict living with others. I guess its not her day. Or maybe she was annoyed with me because I didn't comfort her. I just get so confused we were fine few days before :(


I had similar worries when moving others. Just say to her that you were sore she was stuck outside but you were not in the house.

Then if you don't have each others numbers just say you can give her your number if it happens in the future.

When yu live with people you see every side of them and have to accept that some days they will be majorly grumpy and act like the hate you without meaning too :) she is more likely angry she forgot her keys than with you


Thank you for reassurance about seeing sides of people. For a month I saw the kind side of her but know it can change. I personally find it ages to feel better if somebody was annoyed with me (sometimes days) and I find it really difficult to process. I then think when do I speak to them again, what do I say and I think everything I do will annoy them.
Do you have any advice to push through? These are the kind of situations cause me a lot of anxiety and the reason I give up some situations. But moving away is important to me and I have to do it.
Any help would be awesome :)


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Alliekit
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07 Oct 2016, 12:38 pm

LimboMan wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
LimboMan wrote:
Yeah I wanted to ask that but now she seems quite annoyed with me only cause I was out the house and she didnt have her key to get in, that wasn't my fault. That's what I was afraid about moving away, conflict living with others. I guess its not her day. Or maybe she was annoyed with me because I didn't comfort her. I just get so confused we were fine few days before :(


I had similar worries when moving others. Just say to her that you were sore she was stuck outside but you were not in the house.

Then if you don't have each others numbers just say you can give her your number if it happens in the future.

When yu live with people you see every side of them and have to accept that some days they will be majorly grumpy and act like the hate you without meaning too :) she is more likely angry she forgot her keys than with you


Thank you for reassurance about seeing sides of people. For a month I saw the kind side of her but know it can change. I personally find it ages to feel better if somebody was annoyed with me (sometimes days) and I find it really difficult to process. I then think when do I speak to them again, what do I say and I think everything I do will annoy them.
Do you have any advice to push through? These are the kind of situations cause me a lot of anxiety and the reason I give up some situations. But moving away is important to me and I have to do it.
Any help would be awesome :)


I often had the same problem and tbh sometimes still do. You kind of have to remind yourself that people don't actually care as much about your mistakes as you will. The better I got to know the people the more I realised they are caught up in their lives and sometimes may be angry because of something else.

The best thing to do is not take too much offence to their emotions and if you are truly worried ask them if there was something you did to annoy or upset them. I found that my housemates would either tell me what I did that irritated them (which was often something small and easily fixed) or they would tell me that something else was going on.

Moving away from home is really hard but I found it really helped me grow as a person, improve socially and actually lessen my anxiety because I soon realised they didn't care about the autism :).



LimboMan
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Joined: 24 Feb 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 138
Location: England

07 Oct 2016, 1:11 pm

Alliekit wrote:
LimboMan wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
LimboMan wrote:
Yeah I wanted to ask that but now she seems quite annoyed with me only cause I was out the house and she didnt have her key to get in, that wasn't my fault. That's what I was afraid about moving away, conflict living with others. I guess its not her day. Or maybe she was annoyed with me because I didn't comfort her. I just get so confused we were fine few days before :(


I had similar worries when moving others. Just say to her that you were sore she was stuck outside but you were not in the house.

Then if you don't have each others numbers just say you can give her your number if it happens in the future.

When yu live with people you see every side of them and have to accept that some days they will be majorly grumpy and act like the hate you without meaning too :) she is more likely angry she forgot her keys than with you


Thank you for reassurance about seeing sides of people. For a month I saw the kind side of her but know it can change. I personally find it ages to feel better if somebody was annoyed with me (sometimes days) and I find it really difficult to process. I then think when do I speak to them again, what do I say and I think everything I do will annoy them.
Do you have any advice to push through? These are the kind of situations cause me a lot of anxiety and the reason I give up some situations. But moving away is important to me and I have to do it.
Any help would be awesome :)


I often had the same problem and tbh sometimes still do. You kind of have to remind yourself that people don't actually care as much about your mistakes as you will. The better I got to know the people the more I realised they are caught up in their lives and sometimes may be angry because of something else.

The best thing to do is not take too much offence to their emotions and if you are truly worried ask them if there was something you did to annoy or upset them. I found that my housemates would either tell me what I did that irritated them (which was often something small and easily fixed) or they would tell me that something else was going on.

Moving away from home is really hard but I found it really helped me grow as a person, improve socially and actually lessen my anxiety because I soon realised they didn't care about the autism :).


Thank you for help :) Yeah I always think it is me the reason they are annoyed and I blame myself too much. but if they didn't have their keys with them who's mistake was that? lol.


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Alliekit
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07 Oct 2016, 3:24 pm

No one's in particular just an annoying situation. Definitely not yours