How important are friends in relationships?

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Grammar Geek
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21 Sep 2016, 3:19 pm

How important is it for someone in a relationship to have a circle of close friends? I've heard some people say you should have friends when you're in a relationship, but I don't really see why. Wouldn't your partner want you to spend all your time with him/her instead?



racheypie666
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21 Sep 2016, 3:26 pm

Grammar Geek wrote:
How important is it for someone in a relationship to have a circle of close friends? I've heard some people say you should have friends when you're in a relationship, but I don't really see why. Wouldn't your partner want you to spend all your time with him/her instead?


I think it's just considered healthier; it's better to socialise with a variety of people than to get too emotionally caught up with just one person. I say this as a person with very limited experience of friends or relationships :lol: but in school I knew a girl who went out with a boy in the year above. They spent every break and lunch together, just the two of them, for almost two years. When they broke up she didn't have anyone to turn to because she'd neglected all her other friendships. Turned out he was kind of a manipulative guy too, and I think she might have noticed that sooner if she'd had some outside perspective from friends etc.



TheForeverMan
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21 Sep 2016, 3:30 pm

Horses for courses i think.

Some people need it, others dont.

In my case, its wanting what i dont have. ie: i have no friends of my own, but would like one.



Jacoby
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21 Sep 2016, 5:20 pm

Probably more necessary for the guys, I don't think dudes care too much about women's friends and see them as more of an obstacle than benefit. Having a large social network is essentially the same as have a large bank account, a great body, or whatever aspect that traditionally makes someone attractive. I think the benefit beyond just having more healthy relationships is that it's a marker that you're okay and the lack of a social network is indicative of something being wrong and signals to people to consider you a freak and ostracize you. It kind of sucks once one has extinguished their social capital, it's hard to even find a place to start trying to be a normal person when something else is inadequate. It's like you miss this stage of emotional and social development and then you are screwed for life.



Outrider
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21 Sep 2016, 7:35 pm

Some women consider it a dealbreaker for a man to have no friends, of course you should try to simply avoid these women but you'll surely encounter them once or twice if you were to pursue women in dating or have crushes.

They consider it a turn-off because they either believe the guy might become clingy (which you have just admitted to and proven you would become clingy to her if she was your girlfriend) or others believe you need a social outlet beyond your girlfriend.

Of course, not every guy with no friends will become clingy, I for a fact value both my solitude and social time and would just be happy knowing I had a girlfriend if I could spend at least one day a week in real life with her.

If there's any advice I could offer, it's that some people actually like to have a clingy partner, try to seek them out, try your best to meet new people and make new friends, if you can not do this then try your best to avoid becoming clingy in a relationship if she is the kind of woman who does not want this. Open communication about your needs vs. hers. You're an aspie, we tend to be open and honest so if she accepts you for your Asperger's then she'd appreciate honest communication as long as it's not overly offensive or insulting.

If my advice sounds too vague for you, to quote a post I made in a thread called 'Why don't people give real dating advice?' that said the only advice people ever give is too vague and not specific:

Quote:
No useful dating advice actually exists, aside from useless platitudes ("You just gotta put yourself out there again! You sound like a great guy! Good luck!) and generic Normie advice everyone already knows (Work on yourself, love yourself first, find clubs and groups with your interest, lift weights to get strong, etc.).

The only real factors that influence your chances are sub-conscious inherent biological preferences, certain psychological concepts such as Propinquity and Mere-Exposure Effect among others, and luck.

Anything else, such as 'Law of Attraction' or other rubbish is just pseudo-science.


So, at best, find what individually works for you.

How do you do this? I have no idea!

Find out! Find out what you need to do to find out what works for you. And find out what you need to do to find out what you need to do to find what works for you. And so on, and so forth until you come to an answer.



kraftiekortie
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21 Sep 2016, 7:35 pm

Friends are very important in relationships.

I like to maintain a sense of autonomy, even though I'm really into the girl I'm having a relationship with.

And I don't mind my lady having even male friends, as long as they don't have sex behind my back.



hurtloam
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23 Sep 2016, 3:37 pm

Surely though you'd get sick of spending time with just one person. We need a bit of variety in our lives. Some different perspectives. I like talking to all sorts of people. I would need friends too.

This saying is about ones own mental health rather than "does he have friends? If he doesn't he's a loser, don't date him." touched a raw nerve with this question I think.

No, it's about having a balanced life. Say you're going through stress at work. If you're only relying on your partner for support and encouragement that could be very draining on your partner. They and you need other friends.



The_Face_of_Boo
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23 Sep 2016, 3:44 pm

Let's not sugar-coat.

The ugly truth is, if you have no friends, a normal girl would quickly assume there's something seriously wrong about you.



Spiderpig
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23 Sep 2016, 4:09 pm

In the ancestral environment, a friendless (i.e., tribeless) man simply had no way in hell to survive, and a woman who got herself impregnated by him and relied on him for protection and food during her pregnancy and while raising the child was also absolutely screwed.


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Dr.Pepper
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23 Sep 2016, 9:29 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
And I don't mind my lady having even male friends, as long as they don't have sex behind my back.


Lol yes, that tends to put a damper on things.



Sabreclaw
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23 Sep 2016, 10:09 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Let's not sugar-coat.

The ugly truth is, if you have no friends, a normal girl would quickly assume there's something seriously wrong about you.


I don't understand why they would think that. If I met a girl who had no friends I'd just assume she's either shy or simply hasn't met anyone she likes all that much.