Your biggest romatic relationship mistakes

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What the title says...
What's the biggest mistakes you've made (aspie-related)? How did you correct them if possible? Etc...

Sensory overload during physical contact. I now know that I should have given explanations about it before it could happen. Even with a warning, who wouldn't freak out... But at least, he wouldn't have freaked out so badly. It didn't end the relationship, but that was enough to damage it significantly.

Dating someone I was "meh" about thinking attraction would "grow".

Allowed myself to always be the one initiating contact. They get used to it and then you are always initiating forever and you feel unwanted.

Failing to realize that I was in an abusive relationship, because I had nothing to compare it to at the time, and thought that all couples must act like this behind closed doors. That's how I spend 6 years with someone with BPD, and those were not very pleasant years.

i once had 3 female friends at once, and they all knew of each other, but none of them liked each other, but they had to put up with it. they all thought they were my girlfriend and that the others were just my friends.

they latched on to me and worked their way into my life and i liked each of them in a different way.
one is called "S" and one is called "M" and the other is called "T"

"S" was a beautiful and elegant girl who looked like natalie wood (in her (natalie's) younger days). i never had sex with her because i just did not feel aroused by her. she was very intelligent and we spoke philosophy and made music together and had heaps of fun all night stimulating each others minds when she came over (about twice per week).

"M" was a pretty girl but she had an "oppositional defiant disorder" style of personality, and she had the best sense of humor and she goaded me into enacting outrageous imaginery scenarios in reality. we got into trouble heaps together, and we were banned from many pubs and she was very slu*ty and loose and i was aroused by her, and we did have sex. we also had fun laughing at stuff we could imagine that would be outrageously inappropriate to do. once i parked in a disabled spot, and a disgruntled person was approaching my car to complain and i said to "M", "i'll tell him i'm blind", and she burst into laughter and said "oh god!! ! please do it". so i did and we got into an altercation when i could not show him the braille street directory i claimed i used to be able to explain how i can drive. i told him "i can't find it now because i'm blind" and he pushed me and a physical scuffle ensued, and a bouncer from the pub came out (it was the pub's car park) and when he found out the reason for the scuffle, me and "M were told to leave. that is just one example.

"T" is a girl who needs me to talk to her every day and she is mildly ret*d, and very fat, but i found a way to talk to her which no one else had ever achieved. she was smart when we talked. i don't know how i did it, but the way i described things to her made her be able to visualize exactly what i was saying.
i felt very protective of "T", and she loved me more than the other 2 did, because "T" did not see any deep aspect of me, but she still needed me. i felt needed by her and she felt needed by me. no sex or deep conversation. just communication in a very satisfying and simple way. i needed her too. she would stay with me until the end of time, whereas the other 2 would probably drop me if i became brain damaged or whatever.

so, on a few frightful nights which occurred in close succession, i had all three of them over (not at the same time).
they were all kind of jealous of each other and wondered how i could spread my love around so thin.
it was crunch time for them (co-icidentally at the same general time) and they wondered how i could like each of them equally.
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so, on night 1, "S" came over and did a belly dance naked in front of me while i was playing the synthesiser (midnight at the oasis). i took no real notice of her and was concentrating on playing and she got annoyed and asked me why i like her if i'm not attracted to her.

i decided that the best idea would be to tell each of them that they provided a unique aspect to my life and none of the others provided the same aspect, so they were never in competition with each other.

i told "S" that she provided me with intellectual stimulus, and "M" was sexy bad, and that's who i had sex with, and "T" was genuine, and i knew she and me ("T" )would be together in the end.

it was supposed to make "S" feel good that she was the smartest one, but she only concentrated on the fact that "M" was more sexy to me, and "T" was more genuine to me. she left and went cold.
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on night 2, "M" came over and asked me a similar thing and i gave a similar explanation and she left saying "i never thought you thought i was stupid and not genuine!! ! how could you say that ?!?!"

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night 3 was with "T" and i gave her the same explanation, but she took it well because she was complimented by the fact that i found her to be more genuine than the others. i still know "T", but the other 2 have kind of faded into obscurity now.

Thinking that being in a relationship would make me "normal." I married my neurotypical ex-husband while I was still keeping up the act, before I was diagnosed. I couldn't meet the expectations of this relationship. My husband once said that he wished I could be the person I was in public, at home. But the person I was in public wasn't real and the act was too much to keep up.

Married an abuser. Fixed that problem by leaving him.

I misinterpreted something, and they got insulted. It happened all four times I was with someone, and with friends too. I didn't solve it, because they were all too angry. Now I've given up.

First mistake: "C", my first girlfriend. We were in high school, she cheated on me the whole time. I would not pursue another NT for 15 years.

Second mistake: "R", we went on a few dates, then got separated due to distance before we could go on more dates. Over time, She would accuse me of things that weren't true and make absolutely no sense. For example, she called me "weak", "unable to communicate", and "unmotivated" because I asked for advice online. She said she would be open to a relationship if she moved close to me (she had no specific place in mind), but not if she moved somewhere else. I was in college, and she was finishing. Everything was left entirely to chance, and I decided to wait and see what would happen, but she accused me of being passive when I mentioned waiting, yet there was nothing I could do on my end. She ended up dating and marrying someone else. My attraction to her was that we had the same interests, and finding someone like that is a nearly impossible feat in Houston.

Third mistake: "M". We met at work. Like "R", we had the same interests, and I felt like it was a miracle since it was three years after I last heard from "R". I was let go due to things beyond my control, unrelated to the situation with "M". We corresponded on Facebook, but she was fooling around with a guy who was already married, and he didn't want her talking to other guys, so I was unfriended after two months. I haven't met anyone with the same interests since--this was nearly 3 years ago.

Of the 3, I think I am most upset about "R".

Ive made so many i could probably write a book....

In short, taking things for granted. Being too comfortable. Having someone who was extremely easy to please yet somehow fsiling to do so.

Never assume the person you are with will always love u and stay with you... always work to earn their continued affection... dont wait to be told things are wrong but me more aware... know how to take hint... or learn... because most people dont wear neon signs that clearly label their emotions...

Women are nutty. They are, no offense intended... they can be hormonally driven nutjobs... they can drive you crazy... but when you have the right one you take it all and smile to do so... its all worth it for the rjght one... dont ever be too proud to make your woma happy no matter what that may mean, even if its seems silly or embarassing to you, if itll make her smile f*****g do it... dont be so rigid.... most women are gonna hate that.

They say 'happy wife, happy life' and thatvdsying used to drive me nuts... what about what i want, what about 50/50?.... forget all that BS... trust me... happy wife hapoy life indeed... no matter what it takes within reason.... ive been very very humbled by my experiences.... i used to think that ihad it bad at times.... man what a f*****g fool... i had the best thing ever... the woman if my dreams... and f****d it up....

Someday some woman i meet and get involved with will have a very well trained animal on their hands unlike what 'D' got...

I went head first into a relationship with a girl (or should I say child) who was obviously messed up in the head. I was naïve and thought that I could rescue her. That turned into a disaster because I did not leave when the red flags were so big they were blinding me and got in rather deep. I later figured out she has a classic and severe case of Borderline Personality Disorder but not before I practically ended up a shell of my former self. She still cyber stalks me years after I broke off contact. Like someone said, I had nothing to compare it to and assumed every couple yelled and screamed at each other all the time. I'm still kicking myself because I was warned repeatedly that I was going to end up arrested on false charges and that almost happened thanks to her crazy and delusional fits. I learned that when a date does things like accuses you of cheating, randomly gets angry for no reason, throws objects, etc to calmly and quickly remove ones self.

I then dated a gorgeous, kind, intelligent woman but I was blind to the fact she just wasn't into men in general and was pressured into dating by friends: I just assumed she was a nervous type. I felt completely blindsided when she broke it off and she was trying to subtly tell me that and as an Aspie I was completely oblivious to it. I later found out she has aspie-like qualities herself that she hid from me. She is practically married to her best friend so it wasn't anything I did wrong but it took a while to understand that.

I eventually got it right but I did miss some signs that my wife wasn't quite as perfect as I first thought. Still a great relationship and I am happy to be married but I missed some signs that we would have challenges although I am sure no different than any other couple. I learned to relax and just focus on her many positive qualities.

If there is one thing I learned it's that any decision made based on fear is going to turn out badly. I dove into the first relationship because I was afraid of hitting 30 without a girlfriend and my desperation blinded me to what is SOOO obvious now.