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Does love leave you trembling with fear?
Yes. 37%  37%  [ 26 ]
Yes. 37%  37%  [ 26 ]
Not me! 13%  13%  [ 9 ]
Not me! 13%  13%  [ 9 ]
Total votes : 70

chamoisee
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29 Sep 2004, 10:13 pm

For me the two are almost, if not, synonymous. Is this an autistic/aspie trait?



kitty
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30 Sep 2004, 6:09 am

I love to be in love :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart:



sparkplugloy
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30 Sep 2004, 9:42 am

I am not sure I have ever been in love, therefore I will extend the subject from love to like. I have found out - with some help, I must admit -, that it does not bother me to like or love someone as long as I have logical reasons. If I do, it is a great feeling. But if there is strictly no reason, for instance if I think someone is nice and I like the person but that we have nothing in common and that there is no reason for me to like the person, then it bothers me.
I hope this answers your question.

Loy


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chamoisee
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30 Sep 2004, 9:44 am

It doesn't scare you for someone to get close to you, when you realize that they *matter* to you? There is a part of me that likes it, but I also have a deep seated dread of letting someone close enough to hurt me. I literally do shiver and tremble with fear when I realize that someone has the potential to do that. My hands shake, I pretend that I do not like them, etc....

I just read <u>Nobody Nowhere</u> , and this trait was something I could agree with 100%.



Civet
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30 Sep 2004, 10:46 am

Quote:
It doesn't scare you for someone to get close to you, when you realize that they *matter* to you? There is a part of me that likes it, but I also have a deep seated dread of letting someone close enough to hurt me.


I am also quite afraid of this. It's rather difficult, and an unpredictable situation to deal with, when you like someone, and they also like you in return. It's very awkward at first.

I don't know if I've experienced love, I think maybe I have, for the first time, only a few weeks ago (I am 21, so I think this is a bit late!) I have experienced attraction a few times before, but not very often. And either way, it scares me.

I don't think that it's an aspie trait to feel afraid to let somone get close to you. That is a trait a lot of people, aspie or not, share in common. One of my favorite animes, "Neon Genesis Evangelion," focuses on this topic, and on the walls which people place around themselves for protection. There is a story in it called "The Hedgehog's Dilemmna," a fable which basically describes that people who are afraid to be hurt by others will cause others harm to keep them at a distance, and will, in turn, hurt themselves, because they've denied themselves that contact (think of it like two hedgehogs, who want to become close to eachother, but when they try, the poke eachother with their spines/quills).



Wowbagger
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30 Sep 2004, 7:18 pm

sparkplugloy wrote:
I have found out - with some help, I must admit -, that it does not bother me to like or love someone as long as I have logical reasons. If I do, it is a great feeling. But if there is strictly no reason, for instance if I think someone is nice and I like the person but that we have nothing in common and that there is no reason for me to like the person, then it bothers me.

Ah yes, I have also "liked" somebody before for no discernible reason, and was terrified that my hormones seemed to be winning over my logical faculties.
I have never managed to like anyone for logical reasons, so I don't know if it's the notion of love as well, or just the irrationality, that terrifies me.



kitty
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02 Oct 2004, 2:44 pm

well tecknicly, like means if you 'like' something, you don't exactly love it :?



KtMcS
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09 Oct 2004, 2:24 pm

oh yes...frightened of letting someone close, frightened to trust, basically frightened of letting someone inside my head/heart. guess im very frightened of that, as well of being hurt.
love is scary for a lot of people i think, as an aspie i think that fear can be overwhelming sometimes.


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kitty
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09 Oct 2004, 5:52 pm

I dont know what fear is. I have a fear of being locked in places since dump incident. 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O That left me with a strange phobia :!: :!: :!: I dont like to talk about it for a reason :|

Unlike love, Fear can be overcome by faceing your fear directly. where as love doesn't have to be dealt with in a way. I don't know that way yet :? :?



EGMaria2004
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11 Oct 2004, 4:10 am

No. I don't really find it scary. I kind of like it... Until I get slapped in the face with the fact the girl i'm infatuated with is straight or whatever dumb situation i've got myself into.

Then I claim i'm never being attracted to anyone ever again and get all afraid of getting hurt. But for some reason, cos i'm completely crazy, i'll do it again and again. Going for guys who are complete arseholes or girls who are straight.

I also really don't like it when things are not clear. Like this girl I know at the moment is all over me but says she's 100% straight. I'm taking her word for it. But it stresses me out. It's hard enough for me to work out if someone is attracted to me and if so what they want already without throwing bi-curious girls into the mix.

~EG



kitty
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12 Oct 2004, 5:29 pm

You're not alone EG. Althought I'm only 12 years old, and have never been in your situation, I am sure there are many that feel the way that you do. It may be a socal phobia, or something like that. I can't really explain it, it is like me talking to my American Girl Doll Josefina :? :? :? :? I can't explain my behavior or your fear-like feeling. We all have something like that :)



EGMaria2004
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27 Oct 2004, 4:59 am

It's not really fear.

It's more of a "How could I possibly be so dumb to think..." type thing.
Like if I mistake a straight girl for being queer or something.



duncvis
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27 Oct 2004, 5:19 am

SLOP WARNING...

I think the trouble with us (Aspies) and romantic entanglements is the strength of feeling - the stakes are so much higher.

Love seems to me to be a binary state and for me can be completely overwhelming. The pain/confusion when the object of my youthful affections didn't seem to feel the same way would be physically painful.

I think its worth it if you can find someone who appreciates it ;)


dunc (has been head over heels for 11 years and can't imagine not being with mel, the love of my life and my only serious relationship ever)


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kitty
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27 Oct 2004, 6:14 am

I think that maybe you all are right. maybe it is not fear after all. maybe it is just a nervousness. :|

:idea:
:P



MishLuvsHer2Boys
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27 Oct 2004, 6:46 am

For me I am not fully sure I have ever really felt completely in love, looking back on the relationships I have had, all pretty much unsuccessful. I think I feel a bit of nervousness/panic which seem in some ways to sum up to fear in some ways. It's not that I don't like being in love, it does feel good but for me, I have a hard time knowing if I am truly in love or if I just make myself because I feel it's expected of me. It can be frustrating at times.