When an ex says 'maybe in the future "....

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LeaPoufyPony
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12 Nov 2016, 4:39 pm

Ok, I know this comes down to the person, the situation, etc. etc. etc.But I'm curious, when a dumper says things like "hopefully we can try again in the future" or "when my life is better balanced, maybe then we'll actually have a chance"... do they really mean it?
My ex who is 4 hours away said this because of the distance between us since he isn't ready to settle down.I'm no by any means going to wait around for him.He has been coming in and out of my life for few years now --has pattern of blowing hot and cold and indecisive. Do issues like this get resolved
Are they trying to let us down easy?



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12 Nov 2016, 4:41 pm

I wouldn't count on it. People change and you might meet someone else or they might meet someone else and change their mind. I wouldn't want to sit back and wait on someone. I would move on and try dating again and I might find someone else.


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goldfish21
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13 Nov 2016, 7:12 pm

Depends on the individual. Maybe he feels he's incapable of contributing positively to a relationship and is genuinely hoping he's better capable in the future. Or maybe he's just trying to let you down gently. I was going to go with the latter, but since you say he's been in and out of your life for a few years it may be the former.

IMO, you have a choice - either accept him as he is and that your relationship with him will be more of the same on again off again stuff. Or, forget about having a relationship with him and move on with your life. Enjoy your solitude, be open to meeting someone else and moving forward with them etc.

Then there's your location.. Vancouver - the city that's notoriously difficult for even NT's to date it due to peoples' cold nature combined with absurd economic realities and people not feeling like they're ready or worthy unless they have $$$$ and others not accepting a potential partner unless they have $$$$. Doesn't sound like this is a major part of your situation, but it may be a contributing factor.. especially if he's 4 hours away in a cheap locale with an income that would never allow him to live in Vancouver, let alone date/support someone else in this city. I'd want to find out if $ had anything to do with his reluctance to be in a relationship if I were you, and then discuss options from there. But if it's irrelevant, the rest of my comments are still valid, IMO.


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nick007
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15 Nov 2016, 3:20 am

I'd move on instead of holding my breath they we're going to get back together in the future.


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izzeme
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15 Nov 2016, 3:28 am

Normally, indeed, a person making this claim is letting you off easily.

If a certain time frame is given (like: i'd like to try again when i'm done with my thesis), they might mean it, but "perhaps at some time in the future" can safely be interpreted as "sorry, but no".

It is still possible that they meant it, but i wouldn't hold my breath and feel free to pursue different people, should you desire to do so.



racheypie666
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15 Nov 2016, 4:04 am

I don't doubt some people say stuff like this to let you down gently, whilst others genuinely mean it, but either way it sounds like quite a selfish way to end it; they're not really allowing you closure, especially if you still have feelings for them.

Are you supposed to go forward on your own, always thinking that you might get back together with them someday? That would make dating and forming new relationships complicated.



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15 Nov 2016, 8:13 am

This is usually synonym to 'in a million years'.