Why is everyone here obsessed with attitude

Post Reply New Topic

What I mean is, people (guys and girls) always blame the singleness of males with Asperger's on stuff like attitude and bitterness even though these things have little to do with romantic failures.

If you want proof that women find Asperger's unnattractive, I can do a hypothesis test based on statistics available:

-According to the CDC, 92% of men between the ages 25-34 have had a long term relationship.
-Based on numerous studies exploring the dating lives of males with Asperger's, I'd put the average percentage at like 40%. That's the proportion of men on the spectrum in a similar age group who have had a serious relationship.

Null hypothesis H0: Asperger's is not a factor in romantic success/failure.
Alternate hypothesis HA: Asperger's plays a major role in predicting dating outcomes.
5% significance level
Sample size of Asperger's: n = 500

t = .40-.92/(sqrt(0.92)(0.08)/500) = -42.89

The p-value for t = -42.89 is essentially 0.
Conclusion: There is overwhelming evidence to reject the null hypothesis, thus, Asperger's plays a major role in determining romantic outcomes.

See THIS everyone?

It's already been mathematically proven that it is indeed the Asperger's that makes our lives harder, and there's plenty of aspies working hard to be a normal person and find a successful social life but still fail.

Checkmate.

Nope....Not checkmate!

Many Aspies succeed, too.

We, as people, are not the product of equations.

We have to keep plugging away.

Checkmate means you've given up.

Why are so many obsessed with identifying and calculating reasons (justifications) for failure?

That road leads to self fulfilling prophecy of dissatisfaction and unhappiness.

You have to have faith in yourself that you can succeed despite the odds. And you must work. Work on yourself on your life and future. When you can have pride in yourself and self esteem then someone else can and would be willing to join you as a partner.

No one is going to saddle themselves to a losing cause.

"Attitude" is nothing more than a cheap excuse used by NTs, to absolve themselves of all blame, and place it entirely on their conversation target or victim. Specifically because it's vague and abstract, so when the victim objects, the NT can say the victim has an "attitude problem", and pat themselves on the back for being "helpful" by pointing out someone's faults.

Those things can have a lot to do with attitude and bitterness in some cases, I probably wouldn't want a relationship with a bitter person who's negative all the time and snaps at me or is distant cause they're always in a bad mood. Stating "aspergers plays a major role' doesn't really explain in what ways or solutions for problems it might cause.

good point.

Attitude has a significant impact on your success with relationships. If you have a positive attitude, you're much more likely to be successful in dating and will attract way more people.

Trying to claim that it's because of your asperger's is just a way of rationalizing your lack of success which is likely due to factor that are actually in your control. I know plenty of people with asperger's who have had success in long term relationships and one thing they usually share is a positive attitude.

correlation =/= causation

also, success as a comparison against everybody else is a losing game. it's self-defeating p-hacking. effective success is measured by the odds you beat. confidence builds upon confidence. and the first spark for confidence is simply acting confident. doing things you're not sure you can do, then accepting defeats as an integral part of the process, and seeing success as a comparison to yourself at different points in time. if you're doing better than before, then you're doing well

making mistakes and facing setbacks is the only way to learn and progress and succeed. the process starts with the faith and understanding that failing doesn't mean you're a failure. if you can't make that distinction, then yes, you are doomed to failure, because everybody fails

none of this is specific to asd or dating btw. you can pick any statistically disadvantaged demographic in any given context, and these concepts will apply exactly the same way

rule of thumb: if you don't laugh at yourself, others will

To be honest attitude can have a lot to do with how you cope with being unsuccessful. It can stop you spiralling into despair.

Take someone who has developed cancer. They would rather not have cancer, but they do, so they've got 2 options. Fall apart and grieve the loss of their health or face it positively and cope with it as best they can.

But I don't have cancer you say, i have Aspergers. Well cancer doesn't necessarily go away, that's why they talk about going into remission rather than being cured. The cancer patient learns to live with this in their lives.

Their attitude towards it makes all the difference in how happy they will be.

Don't let Aspergers and finding a girlfriend define you. Work with it and be the best person you can be. Find the good in life and focus on that rather than the negatives.

Anyone notice a lot of these bomb throwing pot stirring threads seem to be the OP's first and often times only post?

I don't.

My "attitude" is that relationships or a girlfriend aren't worth it. They don't give me anything that I'm not already getting via other channels . Instead I focus my energy on things that matter: I visit family regularly, I have a decent job, I play sports, I do Latin dancing, and I meet new people regularly. I even volunteer doing manual labor at a food bank. The only thing that bothers me about my life, is how my close friends started acting like 60-year-old men after getting into long-term relationships. Which completely deters me from even considering a relationship of my own.

Recently I have noticed those first posts that start off with controversy rather than self-introduction, and in previous years I hadn't noticed this phenomenon.

In addition to other points, you've failed to account for other information.

While you are looking exclusively at the rates for Males with the Asperger's diagnosis, the following are factors you haven't seemed to account for.

*Variance due to undiagonsed persons in general population as well as misdiagnoses.
*Comparisons versus female sufferers of the same (drastically different rates could suggest other, unaccounted for factors, or otherwise unrealized solution.)
*Variance due to co-morbid diagnoses; does ADHD change the statics...and if it does, is it the ADHD or is it the interaction of Asperger's w/ ADHD?
*Ratios of Male Asperger's suffers in relationships with NT persons
*Ratios of Male Asperger's suffers in relationships with ND persons
*Ratios of Male Asperger's suffers in relationships with a Female with the same diagnosis.
*How being a Gay Male and/or a Transgender male changes the statistics, and what variations it causes.

There are probably more. In either case, all you have done ( even within the boundaries of your formula) has proved that it's a factor. Well....geez...just about anything can be a major factor in dating and relationships. Heck, you can strike out with someone just on grounds of your hair color before any neurodivergences have a chance to come to bare.

(OP quote:
-"Based on numerous studies exploring the dating lives of males with Asperger's, I'd put the average percentage at like 40%. That's the proportion of men on the spectrum in a similar age group who have had a serious relationship.")

Usually AS studies have been typically normed on relatively young male more severely affected samples, and bear in mind that the diagnostic criteria has been revised so that many older studies completely failed to reflect within group differences on the whole of the AS spectrum.

The high functioning end of the spectrum was/is often missing or poorly represented in those older studies. This still happens. There are no good over-lifetime studies on adult AS men so if (for example) AS men tend to marry or form serious relationships later in life than NT men, that is not captured in the group of studies you are basing your surmise on.

The reliability and validity in a scientific sense of the "numerous studies" have to be carefully considered for various kinds sampling errors and omissions, if the basic research is flawed then hypotheses based on it will be flawed too.

anyway i don't care about attitude

i hate girls who keep saying the word "open-minded"
and i would never marry a girl who supports free the nipple/gay marriage and all those strange things. also, religious = turn off. i will only marry a conservative polite quiet girl mostly from where i live