Relationships: do you have more success with Aspies or NTs

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I asking this because I have recently broken up with an Aspie - and the relationship was the biggest car crash I have ever had.

Before this, I have only ever dated NTs, and those worked out far better for me. May have helped of my two long-term relationships, one was with a psychologist, she liked me before I went for her though

At the moment, I am not though in the best position for finding new relationships, and frankly a little too sore anyway to go hunting.

Also, how much do relationships matter to different people here?

Relationships matter pretty greatly to me, but I don't think there's any significant correlation between the success rate of dating Aspies vs. NTs. The best relationship I've ever had (and still have) is with an Aspie, whereas the worst I've ever had was with an NT. There are many different factors as to why the latter went wrong and why the former went right, only part of which *might* be the ASD connection if I want to get analytical about it.

To be honest, I think with my recent ex three things came into to play:

1. Moving too fast.
2. Her life circumstances gave her a dramatically different outlook on life. It's worth noting my diagnosis is a childhood one, her's was an adult one.
3. Distance relationship
4. External involvement. Exact nature I am not sure off, but I am increasingly learning your relationships are far more likely to succeed if you can avoid attracting external involvement, but it seems I did attract it.


Even with NTs, the ultimate failures of my relationship I have been able to pin down to some succinct common factors, and they consistently involve No. 4 to some degree.

My husband is NT.

I couldn't imagine being with another autistic person. I really don't think it'd work out well, at all. My husband supports me and balances out my weaknesses, advocates for me and helps with accommodations. Life would be so difficult without that. I think the last thing I'd need would be someone else in the house with their own intense interests, black-and-white thinking and ability to talk too much about things I'm not interested in.

As for how important a romantic relationship is to me? It's not, exactly.

I always saw myself as eternally single, and think I could be very happy living on my own (or, at least, as a single parent - I have a daughter but always grew up with a plan to adopt if I didn't end up married). However, I fell in love with my husband and that overrides everything, and obviously I am very happy with him and want that more than any alternative. However, if for some reason things broke down with him, I wouldn't be looking for another relationship - unless the same 'falling in love' happened again, I'd be single for life.

Friendship-wise? Again, I think I've met a couple of autistic people (though not confirmed) and I found conversation with them to be very difficult. My friends are NT, but are usually more the 'outcast' types that don't care about image or popularity. I don't get on with anyone with a tendency to be cliquey or care much what others think of them.

I kinda thinking two people with problems is a recipe for... more problems!

As for your comments about intense interests, black-and-white thinking etc, yeah... pretty much. That kind of thing certainly hugely undermined my relationship. Its experience of mine, that things have triggers points, but the gun needs to be loaded first.

For me, emotionally romantic relationships mean a lot to me.

I think it'd be better if I was more content with the single life, personally though I am not.

I get on with some other Autistic people, many of them do get on my nerves though.

Myself though, thinking of setting my sights on a Polish NT - my last long term relationship was with a Pol, and that wasn't bad at all. She was also the psychology graduate. That ended because she wanted to go back to Poland, and missed her friends, one of whom she later ended up in a relationship with (this came as no surprise whatsoever). Certainly no hard feelings towards this girl though.

Its a shame though, I really would have liked it to work out with the aspie girl. She told of a time when her ex from when she was at school after breaking up sent her text "I should hate you now, but I don't" - this rather sums up how I feel right now.

I don't really think I'd say I feel strongly either way. I'm currently dating someone who also has aspies and it's a really great relationship, and my worst relationship was with an NT. But I've had good relationships with NTs before too. Up until my current one, my best one had been with an NT.

Honestly it's just a matter of how your personalities work together.

My 1st girlfriend was an NT but she also had dyslexia, ADHD & OCD & I have those things as well in addition to my Aspergers. My 2nd girlfriend & my current are both on the spectrum but my personality within a relationship is different than a typical Aspies. I love being close & affectionate with my partner & my 2nd girlfriend was the opposite of that. My current girlfriend is similar to me thou not as extreme so we get along alot better. I had horrible luck trying to start relationships with NTs partly because I found they were not direct & straightforward enough so I think I have alot more success with Aspies but how well the relationship works is dependent on the Aspie I'm with.

Having a relationship is extremely important to me.

Interesting. Thing is for me, I actually don't like direct and straightforward necessarily. What I like is behaviour that "makes sense".

Put it another way, if someone is direct and straightforward, but contradicted by what I would expect, I distrust what they tell me.

I've always been attracted more to NT's. I've found less than a handful of female aspies attractive since I've started dating. It's just how it's worked out.

Aspies are the way to go for me. They are direct and to the point and not really into playing games, which I appreciate greatly because I think the games NTs play are childish at best (even the adult ones). Whenever I am with a potential NT partner, I always feel like they are trying to sell me snake oil, but when I talk to Aspies, I feel safe. I really can't explain it.....

For me I feel better with non-NT type people. I feel better if someone is on similar grounds/experiences to myself. I feel a little threatened by NT people, honestly. I've had relationships with a couple, and I can honestly say 85% of relationships OVERALL I have had have been just fine. Just ended up not working out due to personal differences, or lack of connection a few months into dating.

Of course, my most successful relationship is the one I am currently in. It's been a bit spotty, off and on for 6 years. But going through ages 13-(almost 20, I guess that makes it near 7 years) that is to be expected, I think. Had a bit of growing up to do. He was VERY clingy to start out, and I am extremely independent, needing quite a bit of time alone.

Both of us have aspies, and we kind of grew up together. I find it really difficult to connect to anyone else because of that, always looking for that level of connection. The best part is, we both separately found out about our aspies during a break period 3 years post-meeting each other. Our childhoods were EXTREMELY similar when it comes to behavior and school.

Anyway, I am just blathering now. For myself, I find it easier to connect with people who are similar to myself. It's kind of a safety blanket to know the other is just like yourself, and therefore understands without having to explain certain things.

I've only dated NTs. Aspie girls aren't into me and I know quite a few of them in meatspace.

Here are the reasons why I don't have a girlfriend while living in Baltimore.
1. I'm not liberal
2. I won't just agree with them and thus give my real input when asked
3. I don't care about the Baltimore Ravens
4. I'm not a junkie
5. I'm not ghetto