I think more people need to accept, for a lot of people but not all of course, loneliness is absolutely unbearable.
And there is a difference between 'loneliness' and social isolation, which is more often what the lonely men you see online complain about.
There's a massive difference between "I have 6 friends but like 4 of them don't even want to talk to me anymore and the other 2 have been really busy studying lately, so I've been alone for these past few weeks" and "I am completely socially isolated, have no family, no friends, never had a girlfriend, co-workers ignore me, my boss only speaks to me when they have to, I haven't even spoken a single word in the last 4 weeks. I haven't spoken to a family member in about 6 months. I haven't had a friend in 6 years. I've messaged over 500 women on online dating and never got a single date out of it." I'd rather have the first one in a heartbeat.
THAT is why all these lonely men can't deal with it. The one's with friends are the LUCKY ones.
They are completely and totally socially isolated, often do have mental disorders like Anxiety, Aspergers, Depression, etc. cannot hold down a job or study, and most importantly, they lack validation.
I don't believe good self-esteem and confidence truly come from within.
They come from a combination of internal and external factors, the external factors being positive reinforcement and actual real-life evidence they as a person are cherished and valued.
There are actually people in this world who have never had a friend or girlfriend, and even their family might call them ugly or stupid or emotionally abuse them.
How could they ever like themselves when not a single individual out of 7 billion on this entire planet has ever liked them?
And don't give me that rubbish of 'Why would anyone like you if you don't like yourself?'
I'm saying the opposite also applies "How could you possibly see yourself as a perfectly likable, capable person just as deserving of family love and friendship when you've had no evidence to support this."
And when I talk of deserving, I'm not talking about entitlement, I'm talking about 'deserving' as in 'You're not a bad person, you shouldn't be punished'.
Almost nobody on this Earth can truly survive that sort of loneliness and come out the other side mentally sane and healthy.
I personally believe Love is a human need.
All kinds of love, Familial, Platonic and Romantic.
I define a biological need as something that would kill you without it.
It may not kill you as fast as hunger, thirst, lack of sleep, etc. but severe loneliness will destroy your sanity and functioning. There's been a few studies that suggest you can die earlier from loneliness.
http://www.slate.com/articles/health_an ... esity.html
And about compatibility:
Being alone is better than being with people you are incompatible with, but being with people you are compatible with is the best of all three.
The answer to loneliness is to find other people who you are compatible with and you care about them and they about you.
That's not a magic fix but it helps.
I see a big difference between loneliness and isolation.
Loneliness is a feeling, isolation is a state of living with loneliness being the biggest part of it.
I'd rather not over-complicate things.
If your depression is caused by having no friends and a girlfriend, what will solve it?
Sitting in your room on your computer all day and going to therapy once a week to learn your 'coping methods' to do at home or to actually have real, organic people in your life who you are compatible in your life to be with?
Humans are social creatures. We need positive social interactions to survive and for some of us to have any meaning or purpose in our lives aside from go to work like a good little drone, sit behind a computer all day, come home, sit behind a computer all day, go to bed, rinse & repeat.
Therapy needs to solve the root of the problem, by teaching both isolation coping techniques and also social skills and actual techniques to try and befriend and be a part of the lives of others and have others in your life.
If you are capable of just not complaining about your loneliness than good for you, but for some if not the vast majority of people, especially lonely young men it seems, it is the difference between life and death (suicide).
So perhaps people need to stop being so mean, cruel and harsh to lonely men who complain online.
Of course some of them really are bitter, sexist, not trying etc. but that's definitely not all of them, and constantly insulting and putting the good ones down like I've seen in many places on the internet is making the problem worse.
These people need support, some of them are already going to therapy or taking meds but still just need to let their feelings out anyway, because everyone they talk to it about in real-life even once get angry at them for complaining or brush them off, or better yet aside from their therapist they see once a week they actually have NO ONE to complain to about in real life at all.
27 Nov 2016, 12:58 am
