Feel Closer to ex-spouse after breakup?

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So after almost 6 years being married together, we came to the conclusion that our marriage should come to an end. This was primarily instigated by me after I shared that I didn't want to continue as it was too much for me and my feelings were nowhere what they used to be. I still care for her, but in terms of wanting to be in a relationship, that was gone.

Fast forward a few weeks after the decision was made, I feel a lot less stress, less pressure; and we're talking more than we have in the last several years. I find myself attracted to her again both physically and emotionally and wanting the relationship to continue.

Has anyone had this experience before? Is this something common with AS? Does the lack of perceived pressure to "perform" or meet expectations cause this or is it something else?

I think this is not so much anything to do with AS as to do with just humans. Many couples just in general say that they like each other better and have arrived at a friendship after divorcing. For the same reasons you state -- the pressure is off, the expectations are gone, you can actually be around each other on refreshed terms. I experienced something similar with my ex after we split up. I wouldn't say our attraction was still there like yours is, but we became better friends than the arguing, angry, upset couple we had become when married.

That's what it seemed like. I've felt more upbeat and positive in the last few weeks than I have in a long time. Our living arrangements haven't even changed yet. I find my mind wrestling with my heart. If things are this good now, why can't we try the relationship again? But then I think as soon as I would, the same problems would creep up again and we'd fall into the same patterns all over again.

As your living arrangements are the same as when you were together, that probably complicates things in as much as there's a greater temptation to want to just try again before any other drastic changes are made. When I developed a better friendship with my soon-to-be-ex husband, it was after we had been moved out on each other for quite some time, hence it was easier not to have those thoughts of "why don't we just pick up where we left off."

It's natural I think to have those feelings of why not, though, particularly if you are still in the same place together. I think it's an age old issue of how sometimes a relationship feels so much more complicated psychologically and emotionally when "on" than when off and given space. I guess that's what counseling is for, hah, to sort out why we fall back into these unhealthier patterns as soon as we are "in it" again with our loved one.

Perhaps the two of you could sit down and talk about that possibility, but also how to preserve this more relaxed feeling you're both having at present; there's a lot to examine there about how and why things revert.