Should there be a lot of intimacy in casual sex like this?
Basically there is this woman I met online, and we talked for a bit, had some laughs and exchanged numbers. I lost interest after a while though, cause I got out of a long term relationship not too long ago, and feel maybe I need more time and am not ready. So after some texting here and there, she asked me to meet up, and I explained to her that I was not feeling it, and explained why briefly, but tried not to sound insecure about it or anything. So we stopped texting for a few weeks after.
A few weeks later, she sends me a text, saying she is horny and that since she thought I was attractive, she needs to "f##$ed hard" as he put it.
I've had girls come up to me and say "wanna f###?" in those words before, but when I am single, a woman will only say that once a year about. I haven't had as much experience in that area, cause usually they are very spontaneous about it, and it was usually bad timing for me. But once in a while I do feel like sex, and we are all only human...
So if a woman asks a guy this, in that way, does she expect any cuddling or anything like that after? Or if a person asks that, in that way, are they only expecting just sex only with no cuddling, or intimate actions before or after the sex, or is good to cuddle and be intimate before and after as well, which I don't mind at all. Just wondering what the expect. Normally I would cuddle and all, but I did that in the past with a couple of women who wanted casual sex, and I feel they may have gotten the wrong idea after, unless maybe it was something else, and cuddling is fine. What do you think?
goldfish21
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There is no right answer to this. It entirely depends on the situation in the moment what she wants out of the whole encounter. If foreplay seems right, carry on with it. Maybe she's submissive and JUST wants to get f'd and have you leave. Maybe she's dominant and likes both foreplay and cuddling afterwards. Maybe some entirely different comination of the lot. There's no real way to know until you're live in the moment, then you just have to go with whatever feels right.. if you initiate something and her response is unfavourable, stop it. If she likes it, go with the flow.
Asking us what she likes is completely futile. The only possible way to know how she wants this fantasy scenario to play out is to ask her. Send her a message with something like "From the time we meet until the moment we part, tell me exactly how you envision this scenario playing out.. the more detailed the better
" and then let her go ahead and tell you if she's willing. Then you'll have your answers if you need them prior to meeting up.
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goldfish21
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Well, yeah.. you're not gonna show up with a notepad and pencil and a list of interview questions to ask & make notes about before hooking up.
But it's not bad form to ask what someone's into, what they like/dislike, how they'd like the meeting to go etc beforehand. It's considerate. Open communication about these things before hand makes for less nervousness and better sex. Also, most people tend to enjoy a little dirty talk before hand.. gets their imaginations going and all. You just have to be tactful and appropriate about it vs. interviewing someone and checking off a list like some sort of robotic sex toy.
Nothing wrong with letting her know you'd like to know her preferences, likes, dislikes, limits and boundaries etc so that the two of you can make the most of your time together. You don't have to hammer out a pre-agreed upon script that must be adhered to or anything to that extent - and it's best you don't, really, because trying to force things to happen exactly as you'd like them to almost never works out due to the ever changing nature of sexual encounters. Wouldn't want to set either of you up for disappointment. But yeah, there's nothing wrong with communicating about the basics beforehand, though - and IMO, plenty right about it.
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AngelRho
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Heh...yeah.
Personally, not a fan of casual sex or one-off hookups. I think that should be reserved for exclusive monogamous LTR.
Having said that, if you're going to have sex with someone, by default I think you have to take your time and make the most of it. And, I mean, regardless of the circumstances behind it. Stick around for breakfast, invite her to hang with you for the day, or if she says she's "busy" (she's not) then go ahead and leave. If she's at your place, let her hang out as long as she wants, drive her home when she's ready.
Just don't ever subject a girl to the old "walk of shame." I used to do that to a girl I really liked and not a day goes by I don't feel guilty about it. I'm sure she's forgiven me for it, but I can't quite forgive myself for it. I imagine a lot of guys won't give it a second thought, but it's tasteless. Let her stay until she wants to leave, and don't let her go out alone. If she insists on it, that's different. If she wants to just use you and then slip out the back, fine. But unless she says otherwise, go the distance if you're going to sleep with a girl.
goldfish21
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Joined: 17 Feb 2013
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Heh...yeah.
Personally, not a fan of casual sex or one-off hookups. I think that should be reserved for exclusive monogamous LTR.
Having said that, if you're going to have sex with someone, by default I think you have to take your time and make the most of it. And, I mean, regardless of the circumstances behind it. Stick around for breakfast, invite her to hang with you for the day, or if she says she's "busy" (she's not) then go ahead and leave. If she's at your place, let her hang out as long as she wants, drive her home when she's ready.
Just don't ever subject a girl to the old "walk of shame." I used to do that to a girl I really liked and not a day goes by I don't feel guilty about it. I'm sure she's forgiven me for it, but I can't quite forgive myself for it. I imagine a lot of guys won't give it a second thought, but it's tasteless. Let her stay until she wants to leave, and don't let her go out alone. If she insists on it, that's different. If she wants to just use you and then slip out the back, fine. But unless she says otherwise, go the distance if you're going to sleep with a girl.
Most of your relationship forum posts are pretty good. This one is not. Not until the last couple lines, anyways.
Just because hooking up isn't right for you doesn't mean it isn't for others. Maybe all she wants is sex and would be annoyed if he loitered around or wanted to stay over and have breakfast? You have no idea. Suggesting he be a gentleman and romance her and all this and that isn't necessarily good advice.
What he should do is what he & she both want. Period. Ask her what she wants, set some ground rules and boundaries (ie maybe no overnights desired or allowed), be safe & have fun, go your separate ways. Something like that, anyways.
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