Feeling easily replaceable and not valued

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20 Jan 2017, 8:03 am

I'm an NT and I love my Aspie boyfriend very much. He says that he loves me but there are times when I feel like he doesn't value me and can replace me easily and this hurts me a lot:

A. One time he said that he doesn't miss people. Then he said "when we breakup, I won't miss you. That's why I'm savoring my time with you now". He said it very casually.

B. One time he had to cancel our meeting up with me for a very valid reason. When I joked and said "What if you cancel on me again?" he said "If I cancel again, then break up with me already". He didn't seem like he was joking with his answer.

C. He found out that I can be slightly jealous of other girls and told me he doesn't like girls who get jealous. He said "It's good that I found out now that you're like this rather than finding out when we're married already. At least if it doesn't work out, there's always online dating".


He's a really great guy and I love him very much. I just don't understand his logic when he says these things. I hope someone can shed some light.



Luhluhluh
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20 Jan 2017, 9:41 am

NT here with a longterm Aspie partner.

Mine used to say things like this too. I think it's because he expected me to leave him at some point and his comments were sort of a self-protective shield because all of his relationships had ended before.

With mine, I just asked him. I brought it up very bluntly and then told him that when he makes these comments, it hurts me because it makes me feel like he doesn't care about me, and I would prefer it if he didn't make those comments.

The jealous thing - well, you'll have to deal with that because that's your issue. Again, to be blunt and I don't mean this to be harsh but, jealousy in a partner isn't attractive and it's not healthy. If you don't trust the guy, you should find someone you do trust.

I do hope this helps. Aspie partners can be great once you learn to better speak their language.


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20 Jan 2017, 10:05 am

Thank you, Luhluhluh. It feels good to know that my situation isn't unique.

I will take your advice and speak to him about him about it. And you're right, I have insecurities that I am definitely working on and that includes jealousy.

Our relationship is fairly new but I hope that I master the Aspie language soon.



Luhluhluh wrote:
NT here with a longterm Aspie partner.

Mine used to say things like this too. I think it's because he expected me to leave him at some point and his comments were sort of a self-protective shield because all of his relationships had ended before.

With mine, I just asked him. I brought it up very bluntly and then told him that when he makes these comments, it hurts me because it makes me feel like he doesn't care about me, and I would prefer it if he didn't make those comments.

The jealous thing - well, you'll have to deal with that because that's your issue. Again, to be blunt and I don't mean this to be harsh but, jealousy in a partner isn't attractive and it's not healthy. If you don't trust the guy, you should find someone you do trust.

I do hope this helps. Aspie partners can be great once you learn to better speak their language.



Wolfram87
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20 Jan 2017, 10:32 am

Luhluhluh wrote:
NT here with a longterm Aspie partner.

Mine used to say things like this too. I think it's because he expected me to leave him at some point and his comments were sort of a self-protective shield because all of his relationships had ended before.

With mine, I just asked him. I brought it up very bluntly and then told him that when he makes these comments, it hurts me because it makes me feel like he doesn't care about me, and I would prefer it if he didn't make those comments.

The jealous thing - well, you'll have to deal with that because that's your issue. Again, to be blunt and I don't mean this to be harsh but, jealousy in a partner isn't attractive and it's not healthy. If you don't trust the guy, you should find someone you do trust.

I do hope this helps. Aspie partners can be great once you learn to better speak their language.


This one. She gets it.


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21 Jan 2017, 12:57 am

Hoping to be like her one day!

Wolfram87 wrote:
Luhluhluh wrote:
NT here with a longterm Aspie partner.

Mine used to say things like this too. I think it's because he expected me to leave him at some point and his comments were sort of a self-protective shield because all of his relationships had ended before.

With mine, I just asked him. I brought it up very bluntly and then told him that when he makes these comments, it hurts me because it makes me feel like he doesn't care about me, and I would prefer it if he didn't make those comments.

The jealous thing - well, you'll have to deal with that because that's your issue. Again, to be blunt and I don't mean this to be harsh but, jealousy in a partner isn't attractive and it's not healthy. If you don't trust the guy, you should find someone you do trust.

I do hope this helps. Aspie partners can be great once you learn to better speak their language.


This one. She gets it.