Suffering from an obsession with another person, please help

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jakegansby
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05 Feb 2017, 12:45 pm

How do you do, fellow humanoids? For the past few years, I have been dealing with an obsession with a girl I know, and I can't take it anymore. Allow me to give you some context. Due to several circumstances, I am pretty much always in physical, mental, and emotional pain while also feeling anxious. However, there have been several people that I have met that I feel better. This girl is the most prominent example of that. Shortly after meeting SR and befriending her, I began to develop strong feelings for her and a huge narrow interest in her. In 2014, I confessed my feelings to her and got rejected. I was dealing with a lot of personal issues at the time and wanted to die. This was the straw that broke the camel's back, and I ended up attempting to suicide. Some peers and family found out about this and had me sent to a mental hospital for a week, where I got my aspergers diagnosis. She and I remained friends, and my obsession with her continued to grow and grow. In late 2015, we had a falling-out and stopped talking for a while. I looked at this optimistically and figured that maybe this would allow me to get over her. I tried making new friends at college and joined several dating apps/websites. None of this worked, as she continued to overwhelm my mind to the point where she became the only girl I feel attracted to. She reconnected with me in early 2016. I felt so happy and thought that life was about to start getting better, but I quickly discovered that she had gotten a boyfriend during those months that we weren't in contact (they now live together). I couldn't continue living in agony and pain everyday, so I planned out my suicide. Some of my friends from high school found out, called the police, and had me sent to a hospital again. She found out too. Shortly before I was admitted into the hospital, I promised her that I wouldn't attempt suicide. I started going to therapy after I got out. My therapist recommended that I try to just be friends with her and her boyfriend, so I did. I went to a few of the guy's band's shows (her boyfriend is a drummer) and talked with him. He and I seemed to get along well, arguably that better than she and I did. Also, my remaining friends were leaving off to universities at this time, so I was going to be left with nobody but her and him. Things were going by smoothly until one day at our community college. I normally walk around the entire campus in between classes. One day when I was doing this, I coincidentally passed by her about 5 or 6 times. She got creeped out, thought I was following her, blocked me on social media, and reported me to the campus police. The police told me that if I just try to avoid her and not talk to her for a while, then she would eventually feel okay and be friends with me again. I followed their instructions. In early November, I finally got a message from her telling me to never speak to her and him ever again because I make her feel uncomfortable. I don't know what to do at this point. She and I have the same group of close friends, so it's a terrible and awkward situation for them as well. I want to die so badly, but I can't because I made that promise to her. I wish that she would just tell me what I have to for her to socially accept me again. I don't know if any of you can help me, but if you can then please do.



Chronos
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05 Feb 2017, 9:41 pm

jakegansby wrote:
How do you do, fellow humanoids? For the past few years, I have been dealing with an obsession with a girl I know, and I can't take it anymore. Allow me to give you some context. Due to several circumstances, I am pretty much always in physical, mental, and emotional pain while also feeling anxious. However, there have been several people that I have met that I feel better. This girl is the most prominent example of that. Shortly after meeting SR and befriending her, I began to develop strong feelings for her and a huge narrow interest in her. In 2014, I confessed my feelings to her and got rejected. I was dealing with a lot of personal issues at the time and wanted to die. This was the straw that broke the camel's back, and I ended up attempting to suicide. Some peers and family found out about this and had me sent to a mental hospital for a week, where I got my aspergers diagnosis. She and I remained friends, and my obsession with her continued to grow and grow. In late 2015, we had a falling-out and stopped talking for a while. I looked at this optimistically and figured that maybe this would allow me to get over her. I tried making new friends at college and joined several dating apps/websites. None of this worked, as she continued to overwhelm my mind to the point where she became the only girl I feel attracted to. She reconnected with me in early 2016. I felt so happy and thought that life was about to start getting better, but I quickly discovered that she had gotten a boyfriend during those months that we weren't in contact (they now live together). I couldn't continue living in agony and pain everyday, so I planned out my suicide. Some of my friends from high school found out, called the police, and had me sent to a hospital again. She found out too. Shortly before I was admitted into the hospital, I promised her that I wouldn't attempt suicide. I started going to therapy after I got out. My therapist recommended that I try to just be friends with her and her boyfriend, so I did. I went to a few of the guy's band's shows (her boyfriend is a drummer) and talked with him. He and I seemed to get along well, arguably that better than she and I did. Also, my remaining friends were leaving off to universities at this time, so I was going to be left with nobody but her and him. Things were going by smoothly until one day at our community college. I normally walk around the entire campus in between classes. One day when I was doing this, I coincidentally passed by her about 5 or 6 times. She got creeped out, thought I was following her, blocked me on social media, and reported me to the campus police. The police told me that if I just try to avoid her and not talk to her for a while, then she would eventually feel okay and be friends with me again. I followed their instructions. In early November, I finally got a message from her telling me to never speak to her and him ever again because I make her feel uncomfortable. I don't know what to do at this point. She and I have the same group of close friends, so it's a terrible and awkward situation for them as well. I want to die so badly, but I can't because I made that promise to her. I wish that she would just tell me what I have to for her to socially accept me again. I don't know if any of you can help me, but if you can then please do.


I'm sorry you are in this situation. The way I tend to look at these situations is, this girl has qualities you find attractive, but is not your soul mate, and somewhere out there is a girl with the same qualities, who will reciprocate your feelings, and you should be looking for her.



puente1
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07 Feb 2017, 4:44 am

I agree with Chronos. I know it's hard but you have to stay away from her. I had the similar situation happen to me but I didn't let that person know my feelings I just kept it within me but I felt that I really wanted to be with this person. I lost weight and I felt sick to my stomach everyday. I knew deep down inside I didn't belong with that person and I have moved on from that situation and I am a better person for it.



Stalk
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07 Feb 2017, 5:04 am

I remember I had this crush/obsession of a girl for 4 years in high school, and in the last year it finally went away. I think, what helped me, to speed up the process was to open my mind to the possibility to meeting new and other people, without feeling like I am cheating on her. Because I'm not, she doesn't even know that I like her because I'm kept it to myself. The next time I had a relationship 5 years later, I had another crush on my ex, for years and I mean a very long time. I needed closure in that instance that I never got. Again, I had to open myself up to alternative possibilities, that I will meet someone else, who will match my needs.



nick007
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03 Mar 2017, 2:41 am

I don't think she will want to be your friend again & trying to be her friend will get you in trouble so the best thing you can do is try to move on. I wonder if perhaps you have OCD because I was obsessed with both my exes & a celeb but I haven't gotten that obsessed with my current girlfriend because I started a med for OCD. I would only really look into the OCD angle if you have OCD with other things like I used to. I would suggest talking to a psych about all this if your not still seeing one & talking to him/her about all this.


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