Compatible girlfriend/wife

Post Reply New Topic

As being an Aspie male of 26 years I am learning more about who is my compatible future girlfriend and/or wife. I never been in relationship before. I have asked out on dates, and only managed two dates. Nothing special. I am more of a scientist loner kind of person. Like how Sheldon Cooper like before he met Amy.

I am extroverted person because I am always bright, happy and energetic when around people. I am a non-smoker, non-drinker nor non-party animal. I am not into 'mainstream' kind of stuff like media, fashion and stereotypes. I learn women who kept having relationships are always short-term because of anxiety and depression. They do not like being lonely. I met lot of guys are like me managed to get a girlfriend but the ages of happening is at different time.

I think my lady would be extroverted and assertive because she would help me to learn social and communication skills whilst being out with her socialising with people. I can't hire a psychologist for rest of my hire to get them to hang out with me all the time to observe the perspectives and cues. That is too difficult, but that is not what I am after a lady does support me. I am talented, bright, intelligent and strong human being and I deserve to look after my lady in any ways.

I really hope this mainstream society of relationships and women get out of my way so I able to get a proper girlfriend finally.

I guess no one wanted to talk about compatibility.

I will talk with you about it. I can't sleep, and it's an important topic, I think. I think you will find your compatible lady/wife. You sound confident, and you seem to know what you want and that is good. Actually, What you described, are the kinds of things my Brent and I do for each other. He helps me out, with my struggles, and I teach him social cues, and show him patience, where the world does not. Sometimes, it just takes that one person to turn your life around. Don't give up hope. It took us both years to find each other. I had to go through years of hurt to find him, and he had to go through many years alone before he found me. I am his first. I hope to be his last. My question is, what would you offer your lady and how would you look after her, and you've already mentioned some ways that you'd like her to help you, such as teaching you social cues, but what else? A relationship is a partnership where two people help each other through life, so this is what I always ask people who are looking.

I personally think that you would get along best with someone who has similar disabilities. For example, a woman with a hearing problem would less likely mind your unusual voice.

Yea well I have few friends told me I have emotion dependency problems like I kept asking them to hang out with me and they don't ask me when I am not asking them. Hate autistic life

I suppose in a way a relationship is easier than friendships. In a relationship you don't have to worry (as much) about being either too needy or too distant.

The way I went about it, was to learn personality types. There are many systems that explains how each type is a better suited partner than say a particular type. They don't all correlate, however they all seem to have some things in common. They all focus on the "opposite" side of you. The problem with opposites are, that there are many different versions of opposites. The one could be where if you like to keep your thoughts to yourself, the opposite would be a person who shares their thoughts, this could be exciting but it does come with its own downfalls. Another system, for instance says that, the opposite would be someone who is more in tune of none-thoughts related activities. For instance, if I am more of dreamy person, who likes to explore hypothetical scenarios, this opposite would be someone who is living in the now and rather likes to accept things as they are, where as I like to imagine alternative versions.

Again, so many different ways.

If you have an idea of who this person is, then I would say you are already 50% there. The problem with personality type theory is that you have to really know the system well, inside and out. Not something you can apply by only knowing the basics. Because that causes more harm than good. You could be missing out on otherwise a potentially great person, who is simply experiencing stress at the time, which alters that personality. The key is to find the person in their natural state.

For example, I am an INTJ in the MBTI system and I have dated an INFP, I love them, we are so different and it is that difference that I enjoy. But there is no guarantee that the person would automatically understand what I understand about the theory. The theory only explains to me why the INFP doesn't see it the way I do. I can only but accept that they are who they are. I always like to better things, where they like the way things are. Again this will make sense when one understands the states of the person and what they go through in those stages. So theory helps in some way to understand, but it is almost like the past, you can understand it, but you cannot change it.

From what I understand, the way you described her. I would guess, not knowing your type but that you are looking for someone who is perhaps ExxJ. Again, it is difficult to peg it down on those types because, other types also have assertive way of dealing with the external world. So my guess is, find out what you are, then learn the other types and how they work.

All of this is also just one of many ways to learning people. The only real way is to go out and meet them of course. The more you meet, the more you will learn from your mistakes. Sometimes, and I need to emphasise this, that sometimes it is just not your fault and the person who themselves are at fault and not knowing how to deal with certain types of scenarios. Personality theory will not help you with this, what you need to know is, are you good with yourself? So some things are worth improving on, but some things should just be let go of, like it was never your side of the problem. And this took me personally a long time to understand, where I thought the problem was always with me. If you are different, and you know this, then no one needs to feel ashamed of who they are.

I'm just rambling right now, but I hope I translated the idea of how there is not one solution to this problem, but that it is life and how you figure your way out.

I would only worry about neurotype, and nothing else. I can get along with most ND girls, and I'm adaptable in my interests and cultural preferences if I'm in love with somebody, and I expect her to be the same. Thus, I don't need to match interests or cultural preferences.