My Ex and I Broke Up and I want to work things out

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We have been together almost 8 months. He has said "I love you" and introduced me to his friends. I thought things were going well.

On Febuary 4th, my boyfriend and I broke up. He dumped me indirectly. Some of his actions made me believe he wasn't sure about me. He ask me if I was to end it. I said, "No, but I can't continue the relationship with someone who is unsure about me." He said that he gets frustrated with me so easily and he doesn't feel a strong connection with me like he used to and more and more he finds himself becoming a mean and upset person when he is around me. He said I am "super sweet but we are just not a healthy fit." He said he won't soon forget me and he will miss me. After that, I unfriended him on Facebook, but he still has the pics of us together on Facebook that I'm tagged in.

I have been using the No Contact method. What can I do to get him to miss me and try again? What can I do to make myself more appealing so he regrets his decision, and falls in love with me all over again? I want him to initiate contact, not me. In the meantime, I have been working on myself. I am going to get into shape. I am Facebook friends with five of his friends. I am going to see a therapist to work of my social skills. I feel if I work on my social skills, months from now he can see the girl he fell in love with and give me a chance. I hope he contacts me sometime so I can prove it. I feel the relationship is salvageable.

I don't want to find someone else. Before this guy, I was dating a jerk who didn't want a relationship, and I thought I found the one. It was my social skills that got in the way.

What are your suggestions? Considering I am Facebook friends with some of his friends, what should I post on Facebook?

The unfortunate truth is that there probably isn't much you can do. One of the frustrating things about many of the breakups that I've been through is that she could not give me a clear reason why she was breaking up with me. She used the usual euphemisms like "It's not you, it's me...." I knew she was dissatisfied with the relationship, but she wouldn't tell me why, and her explanations for why she was ending the relationship were vague and unsatisfying. I think in these situations, the person is ending the relationship because of their own fears and insecurities, and not so much because of any shortcomings on your part. In fact, in these situations, the person will often end the relationship over some small issue that they knew about from the very beginning. A few great books on this topic are "He's Scared, She's Scared" by Carter and Sokol, and "Attached" by Levine and Heller.

There's a chance that you could get back together, but the circumstances would have to be quite different, especially for him.

You are making too many assumptions, for all you know he may have already been regretting his decisions but feels unable to turn back from it now, and relationships are not associations to be forced. You do not need to FB-post anything. V-Day approaches, you can just leave a message along the lines of Happy Valentine's Day Honey I Love You, then avoid any and all contact with him after that like the plague. Cut him from your life like it's too painful for you to even be anywhere near or around him. Everyone has different traits they find attractive.

Although I tend to stay away from things like astrology, I do know that it still has some validity, and you could look up the astrological relationship-patterns between you and him as a guide-line for relationship-decisions.

There is nothing you can do. Over means over.

Give yourself two weeks before you revisit the idea of trying to get back together.

Having dumped someone, got back together, left her to go to NY state, got back together 2 years later, etc., I can tell you how she tormented me into submission.

And she wasn't the first...

I broke with my fiancée, after which she insisted we still be friends. Sure, why not? Except we ended up sleeping together on several occasions. Didn't bother me until she started telling everyone we were getting back together. Then I was like, go away you sad creep woman.

The next serious LTR was on/off. The diff was she never mistreated me. We were really good together, which made staying apart difficult. Which escalated really fast to FWB. Next thing I know, I'm getting seriously angry whenever she's with another guy. Eventually being apart was just stupid.

So...play it "just friends." Hang out every chance you get. Pretend you have no history. Start completely over. What will happen is your past together will catch up with you. THAT is how you will get him back.

If that doesn't work, entirely possible, you'll just need to let it go. Mistreat him or criticise him in ANY way, no matter how seemingly insignificant, he will gone forever.

Good luck, and keep us posted on how you're doing!

I don't think there's anything you can do to make an ex miss you & contact you again. I think it's best to try to move on. It's great your trying to work on yourself but you need to work on yourself for you, NOT to get him back. Talk to your therapist about how your trying to make him miss you.

You might consider modeling your behavior after an adult rather than a child.

Clearly you are hurt.

By unfriending him and blocking him you are sending a very clear statement that you don't want any contact with him. While you might change that posture in the future, your message is clear.

Don't play games. If you want a conversation with him then you should not have slammed the door so hard on him.