relationship issues

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Hey guys I'm new to this forum, well I had another username but steered away from WP awhile ago, so kinda new anyways.

I'm 30 and am engaged to a wonderful women but lately s**ts been hitting the fan quite a bit. I'm not pointing a finger here (at least not intentionly) but things were going so dam good it was almost too good to be true. We've been on and off since high school and this last time around we were much more serious, dedicated and mature so things kind of fell into place faster then I had imagined. Now two years later we are living together, and hopefully on our way to getting married.

I don't want to say I felt forced into this position but I definitely had some pressure (some very subtle pressure) put on me to put a ring on her finger. So I did, even though I was starting to have my doubts about us.

I've caught her lying to my face multiple times when I thought she was cheating on me, it was one story after another and while I was crying in disbelief that she would do that to me, she's sitting there making up new stories that just didn't add up at all. I can't say for sure she did cheat, but my stomach said she definitely had something going on.

Ever since that day I've had such a hard time believing a lot of what she says, I find my self picking apart everything she does or says in my head and it's making me go crazy. I've caught her lying about what seemed to be really stupid coincidences (and I don't believe in coincidences, if you catch my drift).

I'm afraid now that we're living together, my true me has came out and has got her second guessing our future. I feel like I tried too hard in the beginning, fooling myself and her about my true personality. I tried so hard to act "normal" and adhered to her rigid lifestyle like it was my lifeline. I became a stay-at-home-boyfriend and she loved it. Her house was always spotless dishes were always done and dinner was always hot, and I was always ready for....we'll you know

Now I've zero ambition to do much of anything. I feel like I got more than I signed up for, she even want's to have a kid, like yesterday. She's always good to me, like really good to me but I feel like it's all so she can get the attention she craves so badly. Almost like I'm being manipulated into loving her or something.

We've both been loosing sleep and fighting a lot and we're both burnt out mentally. I've lost a ton of weight, she's gained some, I've been having more frequent seizures and our pets are even acting depressed...it's horrible how it feels. I just basically put my foot down and told her I will not be lead on with leash, told her straight forward that I'm done doing things just to please you and that I want some of my personal life back....It got pretty rough after that to say the least.

She knows I get restless at night and it's really hard for me to sleep while snuggling, it's even tough to sleep on the same bed as her sometimes, because I just feel so uncomfortable....She's so good at deceiving it's crazy, literally a goddess at it. I can see though her now that I've had so long to study her, and I'm afraid I'm not compatible with what I see.

I can't handle having everything done a certain way at a certain time...I'm a just go with it and hope for the best, kinda guy and she needs everything to her way. All the decorations are what she wants up, bed time, time to wake up, what when and how much the dogs get fed, everything seems like it's her way and I've got no say in anything around here. She admits to being a control freak so that was almost reassuring knowing that she can actually admit to that but I still feel really depressed and out of control in this relationship.

Sorry for the rant but how do I get her to respect my private life and allow me to be silent and/or alone sometimes? If I can't sleep she gets really upset and lays down the guilt if I go in the living room to watch tv or write (I love to write) she even said that she is jealous of how I "shower" my dog with love and affection but am so cold with her.....well to be honest my dog doesn't lie to my face to make me feel sh***y for doing anything I might want to do, that doesn't involve her. Her insatiable appetite for attention, sex and love is just crazy, way more then I feel comfortable with....God I just feel like I'm on edge of a cliff right now, it sucks so much.

Can anyone relate to my situation or give some advice?

Thanks in advance guys and gals!

Hi

Is it possible you take a holiday or a break to think about your relationship?

I think you need some space to collect your thoughts.

No it's not possible with our current living arrangements...sometimes I wish I could though. I need help on what to do once our already in this predicament. ..I told her today I'm done being manipulated by her emotions and said I'm finally growing a spins and giving her the ultimatum either she gets help with her control issues or she can pack her bags. I told her i still love her but I can't go on being under her thumb. So she started balling, but I didn't let that affect me for once....and she apologized later and told me she wants this to work more than anything...and she's going to see a counselor.

What do you guys make of women not dressing up or doing make up on her days off, when she's with me, but when she goes to work she lays on the make up, where's sexy clothes, and perfume? It's kinda kinda got me on edge given my trust issues with her behavior...she used to dress like that for me all the time now she makes it a point not to, but does for work.....

This relationship has gone all kinds of wrong. End it IMMEDIATELY.

This little girl said it best:

I'm not sure here seeing a counselor on her own would help much sense she could manipulate the counselor too. Couples counseling might be better in addition to her individual counseling but I think it might be better to end this relationship.

Does she know you are on the spectrum? I read what your wrote twice and missed that really important information.

Sorry, I'm not trying to bash her or anything, I'm just a little upset at some of the things that I've just recently discovered. It's just as much my fault for going along for the ride this whole time instead of being a man and voicing my opinion earlier on.....That being said, I guess we fell in love because everything just seemed so right, and too good to be true. She came to me at an all time low in my life, right after nearly dying in the hospital. Said she had to talk to me because if she didn't and something happened where I didn't make it she could never forgive herself. So just having someone there that really cared about what happened was really comforting. I was pretty stern about just hanging out as friends at first even though I knew she wanted more... eventually I kinda just feel like I gave into to her desires and tried my hardest to see something I loved in her, an I did. I loved how passionate she was about what she enjoyed in life and how compassionate she seemed towards me, I loved her drive and motivation, I loved how it seemed she was willing to do anything to be with me. ....now I just don't understand. ...why?

Counseling is totally useless if they don't know you are autistic.

Does she know you are on the spectrum? I read what your wrote twice and missed that really important information.

For instance, you wrote "my therapists." Which, I know from the way some people on the spectrum think, could exclude any people involved in couples therapy, as those people are "her therapists." Though it does sound like couples therapy is merely a hypothetical at this point.