Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

Almost 29 and I am still the same as I was last year

Page 2 of 10 [ 160 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 10  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

BTDT
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,148

26 Mar 2017, 7:43 am

It is logical for women in school to only consider men in school for relationships. Not only will they have a common background that makes a relationship that much easier, but it is much easier to ask around and do a background check of prospective partners. People going to school often share a lot about themselves to their friends. The friends hang together and pair up among themselves. If someone buys a house they might even share it for a while to save on living expenses.

My opinion on appearance and working out is that nobody cares how much time you put into it. In fact, most people want "naturally" beautiful people, as the time you spend working out or putting on makeup is time that you could be doing something more enjoyable together. Someone who spends a lot of time working out or putting on makeup gets a lot of negative comments.



Marknis
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Jan 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,960
Location: The Vile Belt

26 Mar 2017, 12:53 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
I know guys who met their partner by being friends with them for months or years before they commenced a relationship but I don't know the details of how they transitioned from friendship to relationship.


I know that one of my half-sisters told me she was friends with her husband before they started dating. I had hoped something like this would happen for me but I can't even make female friends. Part of it is because a lot of women around here in the Bible Belt just don't share any common interests with me and even the few that do tell me "I am too busy." or they never respond to me on Facebook or messenger or what have you. I don't use social media anymore because of that.

I also read conflicting dating advice when I look it up. Some say don't form a friendship first because women will think you aren't interested romantically but others will say you need to form a friendship first because women will think you are desperate. I find it to be confusing as hell.



Marknis
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Jan 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,960
Location: The Vile Belt

26 Mar 2017, 12:55 pm

BTDT wrote:
It is logical for women in school to only consider men in school for relationships. Not only will they have a common background that makes a relationship that much easier, but it is much easier to ask around and do a background check of prospective partners. People going to school often share a lot about themselves to their friends. The friends hang together and pair up among themselves. If someone buys a house they might even share it for a while to save on living expenses.

My opinion on appearance and working out is that nobody cares how much time you put into it. In fact, most people want "naturally" beautiful people, as the time you spend working out or putting on makeup is time that you could be doing something more enjoyable together. Someone who spends a lot of time working out or putting on makeup gets a lot of negative comments.


Here's the problem: I have no friends at the college I go to.



BTDT
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,148

26 Mar 2017, 5:38 pm

Marknis wrote:
Here's the problem: I have no friends at the college I go to.


Most NTs consider that to be a big issue. There was recently an episode of the "Great Indoors" that addressed this exact issue. Turns out that all the friends he grew up with died in hiking accidents. So, the only friends he could introduce to his new girlfriend were youngsters at his place of work.

One practical solution may be to seek out a neurodiverse partner who doesn't have friends.



Marknis
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Jan 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,960
Location: The Vile Belt

27 Mar 2017, 7:17 am

BTDT wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Here's the problem: I have no friends at the college I go to.


Most NTs consider that to be a big issue. There was recently an episode of the "Great Indoors" that addressed this exact issue. Turns out that all the friends he grew up with died in hiking accidents. So, the only friends he could introduce to his new girlfriend were youngsters at his place of work.

One practical solution may be to seek out a neurodiverse partner who doesn't have friends.


Unfortunately, even the people who wish they had friends don't even want to make friends with me. They still refuse to look away from their cellphones and drag their feet.



BTDT
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,148

27 Mar 2017, 10:30 am

Maybe there aren't any shortcuts. Maybe you do have to make friends first. That is what I've been doing--getting back together with friends related to my special interests. Yesterday I went to a potluck lunch--it went on a little too long but I did OK.

I think when women say they want older men they are really looking for someone with money or practical experience in running a household. They just want to raise some kids and have the guy handle the household income and fixing all the stuff that breaks.



Benjamin the Donkey
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Mar 2017
Age: 60
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,317

27 Mar 2017, 11:06 am

Once I was in my 20s I managed to do some dating, but generally the girl had to initiate or give me a very clear signal. One thing I noticed but didn't understand till later, when I was diagnosed--I almost always ended up with foreign girlfriends and often foreign friends. I now understand it's because the aspergerish weirdness can be get lost in the cultural differences and be not as noticeable or important. Moving away from the US for helped tremendously--now I'm a weirdo because I'm a foreigner, which is a lot easier than being a weirdo in your own country.

So extend a coffee invitation to that cute Albanian / Finnish / Japanese girl in your class.


_________________
"Donkeys live a long time. None of you has ever seen a dead donkey."


Last edited by Benjamin the Donkey on 27 Mar 2017, 11:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

Marknis
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Jan 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,960
Location: The Vile Belt

27 Mar 2017, 11:14 am

Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
Once I was in my 20s I managed to do some dating, but generally the girl had to initiate or give me a very clear signal. One thing I noticed but didn't understand till later, when I was diagnosed--I almost always ended up with foreign girlfriends and often foreign friends. I now understand it's because the aspergerish weirdness can be get lost in the cultural differences and be not as noticeable or important. Moving away from the US for helped tremendously--now I'm a weirdo because I'm a foreigner, which is a lot easier than being a weirdo in your own country.

So extend a coffee invitation to that cute Albanian / Finnish / Japanese girl in your class.


I would if there were any. I don't know if I've made it clear that I am from the Bible Belt or not but if I haven't, those kinds of girls aren't in my class. The demographics in this place lean towards zombie looking redneck women or fat ghetto hoochie mamas. There are exceptions but they are few and even they will give me the "too busy" or "I have a boyfriend" explanations.



Benjamin the Donkey
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Mar 2017
Age: 60
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,317

28 Mar 2017, 2:32 am

Marknis wrote:
I would if there were any. I don't know if I've made it clear that I am from the Bible Belt or not but if I haven't, those kinds of girls aren't in my class. The demographics in this place lean towards zombie looking redneck women or fat ghetto hoochie mamas. There are exceptions but they are few and even they will give me the "too busy" or "I have a boyfriend" explanations.


I'm from a small town in the Bible Belt myself, so I know what you're talking about. Getting out was the best thing I ever did. I don't know what kind of town you're in, but even a big southern city like Houston or Atlanta would be better than some hick town--more different kinds of people and more tolerance for people who are different. In any case, laying plans for getting out to a more accepting place might help you endure the time till you can actually do it. I will say one thing--smart, somewhat nerdy guys often seem to do very well in East Asia and Scandinavia--professionally, socially and romantically.


_________________
"Donkeys live a long time. None of you has ever seen a dead donkey."


Marknis
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Jan 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,960
Location: The Vile Belt

28 Mar 2017, 8:16 pm

Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I would if there were any. I don't know if I've made it clear that I am from the Bible Belt or not but if I haven't, those kinds of girls aren't in my class. The demographics in this place lean towards zombie looking redneck women or fat ghetto hoochie mamas. There are exceptions but they are few and even they will give me the "too busy" or "I have a boyfriend" explanations.


I'm from a small town in the Bible Belt myself, so I know what you're talking about. Getting out was the best thing I ever did. I don't know what kind of town you're in, but even a big southern city like Houston or Atlanta would be better than some hick town--more different kinds of people and more tolerance for people who are different. In any case, laying plans for getting out to a more accepting place might help you endure the time till you can actually do it. I will say one thing--smart, somewhat nerdy guys often seem to do very well in East Asia and Scandinavia--professionally, socially and romantically.


I live in Temple, Texas. It's a city but redneck culture does have an influence here as well as hip hop culture.



WantToHaveALife
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,029
Location: California, United States

30 Mar 2017, 9:23 pm

ya, guys were dealt with the burden of having to take action for everything and yet guys are not supposed to view it as a burden



RetroGamer87
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,986
Location: Adelaide, Australia

01 Apr 2017, 8:26 am

^ Women initiate relationships all the time but they do it using flirtatious body language so it's hard for us to recognise it.


_________________
The days are long, but the years are short


Marknis
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Jan 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,960
Location: The Vile Belt

01 Apr 2017, 8:48 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
^ Women initiate relationships all the time but they do it using flirtatious body language so it's hard for us to recognise it.


It makes me wonder if I missed out on anything because of that and if all those chances are gone. I can understand body language better now but whenever I try to engage women, I am met with f**k off signals.

My parents and grandmother did try to set me up but the women they had in mind for me I didn't mesh with at all. The first one was super religious and had overprotective parents, one had Fragile X-Syndrome so trying to communicate with her was way too difficult for me, another just told me "I Want A Reply To My E-Mail" (paraphrased) whenever I messaged her, one had an unhealthy attachment to her dog that hated me, the second to last was an aspie but she was very withdrawn and told me she no longer liked anime despite how my aunt said she did, and the last one laughed like a wheezing hillbilly and we shared no common interests.



Benjamin the Donkey
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Mar 2017
Age: 60
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,317

01 Apr 2017, 9:03 am

Marknis wrote:

I live in Temple, Texas. It's a city but redneck culture does have an influence here as well as hip hop culture.


Temple? I know it, and that's not a city! I'm originally from a notorious place near you that begins with W. As I said before, getting out is the best plan.


_________________
"Donkeys live a long time. None of you has ever seen a dead donkey."


Homer_Bob
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jan 2009
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,562
Location: New England

01 Apr 2017, 9:15 am

Career wise I have doubled my salary, made something of myself, dating wise I am the exact same as I was at 15, got jack squat. My point, you got to take the good with the bad. Can't have everything.


_________________
"The less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am. I'm not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. The best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes."


RetroGamer87
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,986
Location: Adelaide, Australia

01 Apr 2017, 8:09 pm

Marknis wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
^ Women initiate relationships all the time but they do it using flirtatious body language so it's hard for us to recognise it.
It makes me wonder if I missed out on anything because of that and if all those chances are gone.
We probably missed out on countless opportunities.


_________________
The days are long, but the years are short