Drift Away
18 Apr 2017, 1:08 pm
Yeah I'm going to break up with my girlfriend. I haven't her or her friends yet. But I'm going to not be with her anymore when I get out of school. Not because of her. But how her parents are and not letting her do anything or leave the house at all. So once I graduate next year and leave high school. I'll probably never see her again and drift away.
Richardf269
Sea Gull
Joined: 16 Dec 2012
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 204
Location: Isla Vista, California
18 Apr 2017, 1:11 pm
So you're just going to give up and say goodbye? You're not going to fight for her?
18 Apr 2017, 1:17 pm
So you're just going to give up and say goodbye? You're not going to fight for her?
I can't. Her parents won't change. I wanted her to go to prom with me. And I'm not going to explain about that. Look at my thread named "Prom" in the random section. And even my grandparents don't like her parents and the way they handle and do things. And if you seen my posts about them. I'm usually negative about them. But for once. We're on the same side. I'm mad and frustrated at her parents and so are my grandparents.
Richardf269
Sea Gull
Joined: 16 Dec 2012
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 204
Location: Isla Vista, California
18 Apr 2017, 1:46 pm
So you're just going to give up and say goodbye? You're not going to fight for her?
I can't. Her parents won't change. I wanted her to go to prom with me. And I'm not going to explain about that. Look at my thread named "Prom" in the random section. And even my grandparents don't like her parents and the way they handle and do things. And if you seen my posts about them. I'm usually negative about them. But for once. We're on the same side. I'm mad and frustrated at her parents and so are my grandparents.
So wait until she's 18. They can't do squat then.
18 Apr 2017, 1:49 pm
So you're just going to give up and say goodbye? You're not going to fight for her?
I can't. Her parents won't change. I wanted her to go to prom with me. And I'm not going to explain about that. Look at my thread named "Prom" in the random section. And even my grandparents don't like her parents and the way they handle and do things. And if you seen my posts about them. I'm usually negative about them. But for once. We're on the same side. I'm mad and frustrated at her parents and so are my grandparents.
So wait until she's 18. They can't do squat then.
That's going to be a couple of years and by then. I'll be in college and then gone to wherever I'm going to work at. And I could still see her parents saying no to her even then. And I won't be in this town. By then I'll probably be over her and with another woman.
AngelRho
Veteran
Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,366
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile
18 Apr 2017, 4:46 pm
I'm all about fighting for relationships, despite how my more recent posts appear. I hate being the breakup guy. I know you've read those on how to break up, so I suggest you follow that strategy if at all possible. Given your ages and parent situation, that might not happen, but at least do it face-to-face. Don't do the drift thing. That's just mean.
For the record, I am THAT dad who absolutely WILL NOT allow unsupervised dating before my kids are fully independent. You go to school to hit the books. Use MY money to socialize and party, sorry...you have to make your own way. I can't support that. The good news is once you ARE independent, there's time enough for all of those things. My job as a parent is to be the guide to setting a solid foundation for the rest of their lives.
Having said that, my goal with dating--which I'm not fond of in the usual use of the term--is to help my children with joining our family with another that best matches our own goals and ideals and with whom we can work side-by-side in continuing a positive legacy. So if my girl drags something home, it's gotta deal with ME. If it likes guns, rock music, charred animal flesh, "chitlins", the Bible, and the Southern Baptist Convention, then we're off to a really good start. I prefer its parents to be wealthy and it be financially independent itself, but good people are good people no matter what.
I'm saying all this for a reason. You're still very young. You have so many opportunities ahead of you. I strongly despise current dating paradigms and what they do to people emotionally. You should find what is most important right now and see it through to the end--letting love and dating distract you is always destructive.
A better strategy if you're always hanging out with a girl you like is to aggressively seek the engagement and involvement of parents. What does dad like to do? Golf? Fishing? Whatever it is, immerse yourself in it. I regret not doing this with my father-in-law. The LEAST I could have done was bring a 6-pack of Budweiser every time I came over with my gf. Or had him teach me to play golf. Nope...we just sat around the TV and didn't say two words to each other most of time. He was a GREAT guy, and I feel like I let him down.
In a serious relationship, it's really best to try to "date" the whole family, not just the girl. Things will work out so much better for you that way. What is truly sad to me is few people actually do it, but I firmly believe in this. If the family just absolutely SUCKS, I want my children to have no part in it because what my children would be doing is linking me to something I want no part in. And it's just bad for them, too.
Moving on...
Sure, as some suggest, you can fight it. But parents have the right to raise their kids as they believe is best. You do yourself no favors that way, and certainly not her, either. Not only that, but fighting parents also pits kids against their parents for the long term. Not always, but MOST of the time kids are gonna side with their parents in the end, so you just waste time and energy. Playing kids against their families almost never ends well.
You can do the secret LDR thing and hope parents never figure it out, wait things out until she's of age. I'm not saying DON'T do it. I'm just gonna say I've never had a positive experience with that. I always ended up cheating. When my wife and I were still dating, we BOTH cheated. We came clean, or for much of it we were well aware of what was going on when it happened. Some people are cut out for LDR. We're just not those people. So if it works for you, fine. Great! It's just not for me.
In your case, I think you're on the right track. Looks like a breakup is imminent. It's for the best.
19 Apr 2017, 3:12 am
I can see this from two different perspectives. On the one hand, if you truly care for her you shouldn't just give up on her so easily; you've got to be there for her. On the other hand, if you truly care for her you shouldn't be doing things which would cause a rift between her and her family for the sake of your own relationship; that's just selfish. Neither side is really perfect.
Maybe you should end the relationship officially, but still be her friend and not just drift away. That way you're not completely giving up on her but simply putting the whole relationship on the back-burner until circumstances change.
19 Apr 2017, 9:39 am
For the record, I am THAT dad who absolutely WILL NOT allow unsupervised dating before my kids are fully independent. You go to school to hit the books. Use MY money to socialize and party, sorry...you have to make your own way. I can't support that. The good news is once you ARE independent, there's time enough for all of those things. My job as a parent is to be the guide to setting a solid foundation for the rest of their lives.
Having said that, my goal with dating--which I'm not fond of in the usual use of the term--is to help my children with joining our family with another that best matches our own goals and ideals and with whom we can work side-by-side in continuing a positive legacy. So if my girl drags something home, it's gotta deal with ME. If it likes guns, rock music, charred animal flesh, "chitlins", the Bible, and the Southern Baptist Convention, then we're off to a really good start. I prefer its parents to be wealthy and it be financially independent itself, but good people are good people no matter what.
I'm saying all this for a reason. You're still very young. You have so many opportunities ahead of you. I strongly despise current dating paradigms and what they do to people emotionally. You should find what is most important right now and see it through to the end--letting love and dating distract you is always destructive.
A better strategy if you're always hanging out with a girl you like is to aggressively seek the engagement and involvement of parents. What does dad like to do? Golf? Fishing? Whatever it is, immerse yourself in it. I regret not doing this with my father-in-law. The LEAST I could have done was bring a 6-pack of Budweiser every time I came over with my gf. Or had him teach me to play golf. Nope...we just sat around the TV and didn't say two words to each other most of time. He was a GREAT guy, and I feel like I let him down.
In a serious relationship, it's really best to try to "date" the whole family, not just the girl. Things will work out so much better for you that way. What is truly sad to me is few people actually do it, but I firmly believe in this. If the family just absolutely SUCKS, I want my children to have no part in it because what my children would be doing is linking me to something I want no part in. And it's just bad for them, too.
Moving on...
Sure, as some suggest, you can fight it. But parents have the right to raise their kids as they believe is best. You do yourself no favors that way, and certainly not her, either. Not only that, but fighting parents also pits kids against their parents for the long term. Not always, but MOST of the time kids are gonna side with their parents in the end, so you just waste time and energy. Playing kids against their families almost never ends well.
You can do the secret LDR thing and hope parents never figure it out, wait things out until she's of age. I'm not saying DON'T do it. I'm just gonna say I've never had a positive experience with that. I always ended up cheating. When my wife and I were still dating, we BOTH cheated. We came clean, or for much of it we were well aware of what was going on when it happened. Some people are cut out for LDR. We're just not those people. So if it works for you, fine. Great! It's just not for me.
In your case, I think you're on the right track. Looks like a breakup is imminent. It's for the best.
Well I'm about to leave off for college in the fall.And after that move somewhere else to work and not stay in the town I'm in now. And I never seen my girlfriend out of school because her parents won't let her go anywhere. Not even stand in her own yard if she wanted too. Plus haven't talked to her out of school for a few months now because her parents keep grounding her I guess from what I'm told it's because of bad grades. But my grandparents think differently. They think it's because her dad doesn't really want us talking online. So I only see her and talk to her during the school week. Which really sucks to me. And when I told them that I'm going to break up with her. And they're the only people that know. They understood why. I was going to tell her in her face. But then they recommended that I drift away from her. Which I like the idea of.
19 Apr 2017, 9:44 am
Maybe you should end the relationship officially, but still be her friend and not just drift away. That way you're not completely giving up on her but simply putting the whole relationship on the back-burner until circumstances change.
Well I'm going to college in the fall and she's 2 grades under me. And my college is an hour and a half away. And her parents won't let us do anything together. So if I ever asked anything for the 2 of us to do. They're going to say no. So what's the point? I'm going to tell her or her friends that. And after I graduate. I might have another girl I'm dating. And she might find another guy she really likes. But if it wasn't for her weird parents. I would still see her and occasionally when I'm home from college. Go and see her. But her parents wouldn't allow that.
AngelRho
Veteran
Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,366
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile
19 Apr 2017, 11:56 am
For the record, I am THAT dad who absolutely WILL NOT allow unsupervised dating before my kids are fully independent. You go to school to hit the books. Use MY money to socialize and party, sorry...you have to make your own way. I can't support that. The good news is once you ARE independent, there's time enough for all of those things. My job as a parent is to be the guide to setting a solid foundation for the rest of their lives.
Having said that, my goal with dating--which I'm not fond of in the usual use of the term--is to help my children with joining our family with another that best matches our own goals and ideals and with whom we can work side-by-side in continuing a positive legacy. So if my girl drags something home, it's gotta deal with ME. If it likes guns, rock music, charred animal flesh, "chitlins", the Bible, and the Southern Baptist Convention, then we're off to a really good start. I prefer its parents to be wealthy and it be financially independent itself, but good people are good people no matter what.
I'm saying all this for a reason. You're still very young. You have so many opportunities ahead of you. I strongly despise current dating paradigms and what they do to people emotionally. You should find what is most important right now and see it through to the end--letting love and dating distract you is always destructive.
A better strategy if you're always hanging out with a girl you like is to aggressively seek the engagement and involvement of parents. What does dad like to do? Golf? Fishing? Whatever it is, immerse yourself in it. I regret not doing this with my father-in-law. The LEAST I could have done was bring a 6-pack of Budweiser every time I came over with my gf. Or had him teach me to play golf. Nope...we just sat around the TV and didn't say two words to each other most of time. He was a GREAT guy, and I feel like I let him down.
In a serious relationship, it's really best to try to "date" the whole family, not just the girl. Things will work out so much better for you that way. What is truly sad to me is few people actually do it, but I firmly believe in this. If the family just absolutely SUCKS, I want my children to have no part in it because what my children would be doing is linking me to something I want no part in. And it's just bad for them, too.
Moving on...
Sure, as some suggest, you can fight it. But parents have the right to raise their kids as they believe is best. You do yourself no favors that way, and certainly not her, either. Not only that, but fighting parents also pits kids against their parents for the long term. Not always, but MOST of the time kids are gonna side with their parents in the end, so you just waste time and energy. Playing kids against their families almost never ends well.
You can do the secret LDR thing and hope parents never figure it out, wait things out until she's of age. I'm not saying DON'T do it. I'm just gonna say I've never had a positive experience with that. I always ended up cheating. When my wife and I were still dating, we BOTH cheated. We came clean, or for much of it we were well aware of what was going on when it happened. Some people are cut out for LDR. We're just not those people. So if it works for you, fine. Great! It's just not for me.
In your case, I think you're on the right track. Looks like a breakup is imminent. It's for the best.
Well I'm about to leave off for college in the fall.And after that move somewhere else to work and not stay in the town I'm in now. And I never seen my girlfriend out of school because her parents won't let her go anywhere. Not even stand in her own yard if she wanted too. Plus haven't talked to her out of school for a few months now because her parents keep grounding her I guess from what I'm told it's because of bad grades. But my grandparents think differently. They think it's because her dad doesn't really want us talking online. So I only see her and talk to her during the school week. Which really sucks to me. And when I told them that I'm going to break up with her. And they're the only people that know. They understood why. I was going to tell her in her face. But then they recommended that I drift away from her. Which I like the idea of.
Well...I guess do what you feel is right, but I strongly advise that you do this at the end of school or as near to it as you can in person. Quick and clean. It sucks your options are limited, but the drifting thing strikes me as wrong. It's your decision, though. Good luck.
AngelRho
Veteran
Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,366
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile
