Why is attraction so nonsensical

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hurtloam
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26 Mar 2017, 2:43 pm

Attraction doesn't make any sense to me. I'm not often attracted to guys, but when I am it's usually something that doesn't work out.

Why can't we be attracted to people who are just pretty decent and you kinda get on with? Why is it only really good sometimes? Why is it so difficult to find? And espiecially why is mutual attraction so difficult to find? Do most people just settle for someone who is just kinda ok and that they just don't hate?

This relationship stuff makes less and less sense the older I get.



The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Mar 2017, 3:43 pm

Frankly speaking, this is a problem that happens often to people who aims too high for their neck but maybe this isn't your case, I dunno.


Is there a certain pattern, like the guys you like, are conventionally attractive, popular and liked among many other women?



hurtloam
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26 Mar 2017, 3:52 pm

No, I have to be be able to have enjoyable conversations with them and feel a sort of connection and have some shared interests. They have to be a bit quirky too. It's hard to find folks, male and female, where conversation flows and is naturally enjoyable and who are into things that are a bit off the wall.



The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Mar 2017, 4:02 pm

I am not sure what exactly you're seeking, but it sounds you're into a rare type of people I guess; and hence it's a problem, yes.

So to answer your question:
"Do most people just settle for someone who is just kinda ok and that they just don't hate?"

No, most people are into people who are more mainstream I guess; hence more common , numbers wise.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 26 Mar 2017, 4:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

hurtloam
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26 Mar 2017, 4:11 pm

Ah yeah, I do like unusual people so I suppose it will be more difficult for me.



314pe
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27 Mar 2017, 1:03 am

I will never understand this. You know what is good for you. You can rationally choose a good partner for you. If you are attracted to wrong people, it's because you choose to be.



Sabreclaw
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27 Mar 2017, 1:25 am

314pe wrote:
I will never understand this. You know what is good for you. You can rationally choose a good partner for you. If you are attracted to wrong people, it's because you choose to be.


That's not fair. People can't choose who they're attracted to.



314pe
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27 Mar 2017, 1:50 am

If you can't choose then maybe it's not real love, but only lust.



NorthWind
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27 Mar 2017, 1:58 am

314pe wrote:
If you can't choose then maybe it's not real love, but only lust.


If you can chose who you are attracted to, then maybe your attraction is not based on emotions at all. So no, it's probably not love.



314pe
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27 Mar 2017, 2:45 am

I'm a rational adult. I can certainly control myself and I can choose what's best for me.



NorthWind
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27 Mar 2017, 6:10 am

314pe wrote:
I'm a rational adult. I can certainly control myself and I can choose what's best for me.

Right, and why would it be more difficult to choose if it were lust and not love? Are rational adults more able to control their emotions than their sex drive?

Also, attraction is a feeling, not an action. So even if you feel attraction and know the other person isn't good for you - no matter what feelings are involved, love, lust, whatever, you could still decide not to get into a relationship with them. What you can't do however, is choose to feel attracted to someone, you don't feel anything for - that would merely be pretence and a relationship for the sake of social status, easy access to sex, other advantages.



hurtloam
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27 Mar 2017, 7:00 am

NorthWind wrote:
314pe wrote:
I'm a rational adult. I can certainly control myself and I can choose what's best for me.

Right, and why would it be more difficult to choose if it were lust and not love? Are rational adults more able to control their emotions than their sex drive?

Also, attraction is a feeling, not an action. So even if you feel attraction and know the other person isn't good for you - no matter what feelings are involved, love, lust, whatever, you could still decide not to get into a relationship with them. What you can't do however, is choose to feel attracted to someone, you don't feel anything for - that would merely be pretence and a relationship for the sake of social status, easy access to sex, other advantages.


Yup, I agree with this.



The_Face_of_Boo
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27 Mar 2017, 8:03 am

^ This conversation is the result of gender differences.



The_Face_of_Boo
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27 Mar 2017, 8:53 am

NorthWind wrote:
314pe wrote:
I'm a rational adult. I can certainly control myself and I can choose what's best for me.

Right, and why would it be more difficult to choose if it were lust and not love? Are rational adults more able to control their emotions than their sex drive?

Also, attraction is a feeling, not an action. So even if you feel attraction and know the other person isn't good for you - no matter what feelings are involved, love, lust, whatever, you could still decide not to get into a relationship with them. What you can't do however, is choose to feel attracted to someone, you don't feel anything for - that would merely be pretence and a relationship for the sake of social status, easy access to sex, other advantages.


You may be attracted to several persons, but you somehow decide who to love, really - by choosing to talk to him/her and spend time with him/her the most...etc.



Sabreclaw
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27 Mar 2017, 9:05 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^ This conversation is the result of gender differences.


How so?